Gone Baby Gone
by unnamedconspirator
Summary: S11 AU. Derek woke up after being crushed by a truck only to find Meredith was gone. Left him with no trace, only questions and doubts. Two years later, he finds her at his door. What happened? What had she gotten into that she had been gone so long? And what terrible secrets must she hold in her heart just to stay with him? MERDER
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** So this has been sitting in my Doc manager for a long time, because I didn't quite know what to do with it... I finally now think I have enough inspiration to pull this thing together into a compelling story. This isn't your typical Greys fanfic. Suspense. Mystery. Conspiracy. A battle for life and love amid dark secrets. You'll just have to read to find out!

Derek drove the Cayanne through the winding road to his home on the island. He sighed with tiredness, thankful that Amelia had taken Zola and Bailey for a sleepover at her place. He just wasn't in the mood to deal with their sullen behavior of late. He yelled at Bailey this morning, after he spilled cereal all over the floor. Bailey claimed it was an accident, but Derek wondered if he'd done it on purpose. And Zola was... distant. He knew he kept disappointing her with promises he couldn't keep. Because he was a doctor. A brain surgeon.

But he failed with that today too. A patient of his with a rather malignant tumour died on the table today. Another patient with a brain injury suffered a stroke, further exacerbating her deficits.

Now he was alone. Finally. But he hated it. He could hardly stand being in that house alone. He missed Meredith, and he had no idea where in the world she was. It was a wonder he even got up in the morning... It had taken him a year after the accident to even feel the tiniest bit of himself again. If it wasn't for his kids... he sighed again.

As Derek turned down the dirt road that led to his house, a pair of headlights greeted him, and a taxi rumbled past. Odd, he thought. There was no other house but his up this road. Who had been to his house?

A strange feeling struck him, like he knew what he was going to see next... but- could it? Could it really be her?

 _Bam-bam, bam-bam,_ his heart hammered in his chest, and he sucked in a breath. It was just paranoia, this wouldn't be the first time. As his home grew bigger in view, however, he thought he saw something move.

Something? Or Someone? Derek stopped the car about 100 feet from the front door and parked. He stared at the porch. Something _had_ moved, hadn't it?

Shaky hands clutched the doorhandle of the car and pulled. The gravel crunched under his loafers, and he felt the tiniest pricks of rain on his face in the slight breeze. Derek blinked and shook his head...

 _It was her._

His heart leapt into his throat as he stumbled forward. Two years... two years she'd been gone and now she was back. How? What? Why?

She walked a few hesitant steps toward him too, her arms wrapped tightly around her familiar small frame.

"Meredith?" he asked hoarsely.

They were still a fair distance apart, but he could see her tear-stained cheeks and familiar locks. Although her hair was much darker. He took two more steps toward her and stopped. Was this a dream? Was it really her? Where had she been? What happened to her?

There was still a six-foot gap between them.

"It's been two years..." he breathed. There was so much weight in those words. So many questions... He'd been in an accident, and he'd woken up and she wasn't there. An endless stream of who-what-where-why-how questions were rattling through his mind. An endless stream of hurt swept through his heart with each beat.

"I- I know..." she said, in a soft broken voice, as if she didn't quite believe it herself. "I'm sorry," her expression broke as she beared the weight of that all through his gaze. She crumpled to her knees in tears. "Oh, Derek!"

Derek didn't understand as he looked down at Meredith, but he threw his confusion aside and came closer, bending down to embrace her. As he did, she clutched him painfully, her long fingers clamped around his biceps as if she was convincing herself he was indeed alive. "Meredith..."

"Derek... I'm so sorry... I'm so, so sorry."

He was speechless. He wanted nothing more than to surround her, hold her and kiss her passionately, but there was so much he needed to know first. Meredith was kissing his neck, slowly traveling up to his jawline, desperate pleading pants between each one. He fought the urge to plunge into her and pulled away instead. What happened that she left him?

"Meredith," he said. The hard part of pulling away was he now had to look into her eyes. If he was pained, she seemed more so...

"I wanted to- I tried-" she shook her head and avoided his gaze, intstead just looking him up and down and running her hands down his arms in disbelief. "You're still here..."

"I've been right here, this whole time..." He said softly. It was starting to hit him too... that _she_ was here. Alive, in front of him. She'd been been missing for two years. The police looked everywhere... but there'd been no trace. She'd just vanished.

He took her hand, kissed it deeply. "Let's go inside..."

Because he had to know... what happened.

xxx

As he ushered her in, she scooped up a knapsack that he hadn't noticed was there. He let her go in first. Meredith took two steps in and stopped. "Oh God, the kids..." she said, dropping the bag at her feet.

"They're at Amelia's," he said, not sure what to say or think now... should he call to have them brought over? He _should_ call. She was back. Meredith was back! But something nagged at him... she seemed so restless, so fearful. What happened?

"Oh..." Meredith whispered, like a piece of her heart was torn out. "Amelia's?"

"She got married to Hunt."

"Oh," she said again with a slight nod. She swayed, "I need to sit down..."

Derek guided her to the couch and sat down beside her. He suddenly noticed how exhausted she looked. "Are you okay? Let me get you some water," Derek said, standing up suddenly. He returned a moment later to the couch with a tall glass of tap water which Meredith guzzled down in a matter of seconds.

"Thanks," she set the empty glass on the coffee table.

"Meredith..." He couldn't wait any longer, he had to know. "What happened? Where did you go? You were just... gone! I was in an accident, and..." He swallowed the sob in his throat, "I woke up and..." His hands found hers and clutched them possesively. She'd practically vanished. All he knew was that she'd gone to DC to see him, after he kissed Renee. But he had already realized what a horrible mistake he'd made and was flying into Seattle to fix it... except on the drive home, he got into a terrible accident.

When he woke up, she wasn't there. He thought she was just mad at him at first, but when weeks went by without any contact whatsoever, and the realization that she'd apparently never left DC... police went looking. But only a few grainy images of her on a security camera at the lab could be found. The case went cold.

Now she was here, in one piece, right in front of him. "Meredith?" he asked again. Did she leave intentionally? How could she be gone so long and not contact him? "Meredith?"

"Kiss me,"

"I..." He hesitated, because he so desperately wanted answers, but when he saw the weariness lined in her features, and the desperation in her eyes... and the _fear-_

" _Please,_ Derek," Like his kiss was a lifeline for her.

Even as he stared at her lips, he wondered what it would mean to kiss her now. Would it absolve her of the hurt he felt? Would it reveal betrayal, would it answer the unanswerable? He licked his lips and leaned forward, tilting his head slightly as he approached. Her breath hit his cheeks softly, and he blushed in anticipation. Their lips touched, hers trembling and hesitant as he touched them with his own- she was _scared._ He offered reassurance through his own caress, pulling on her upper lip as she pressed on his lower. It took a moment before they reached their own old rythmn, and suddenly she pushed past his own barrier and their tongues met in a familiar dance.

When finally they parted, he knew she hadn't betrayed him. He saw her... She didn't _choose_ to leave.

So what happened then?


	2. The Last Time

**A/N:** Wow! I really pulled you in last chap, huh? This chapter is one of the reasons for the 'M' rating. If ya know what I mean... Remember that episode where Mer decides to go to see Derek, but changes her mind and stays by herself at the hotel? Well, this time she does go see him.

 **Two years ago...**

Derek scowled at the paper. It made no sense. The nerve bundle responsible for- he heard a noise and looked up. "Hello?" he called, and his voice echoed faintly in the lab.

"You know, security didn't believe I was your wife. I had to show them pictures from my cellphone..."

"Meredith!" He practically fell out of his chair. How did she get here? Why was she here? This was a surprise...

"Oh, but it helped that that guy, what's his name? Peters? Pickerson? Whatever, it helped that he knew me from before, it's a good thing he was working tonight..." Her voice trailed off as the sound of her heels came closer and she stopped a few feet in front of him.

It was a surprise... but a good surprise. He couldn't help but grin at the sight of her. She was wearing those tight jeans that he liked, and a loose plaid shirt that she'd tucked in. Her hair was down, rolling just past her shoulders with a bit of a wave... he'd forgotten how gorgeous her hair looked, the way it framed her face, accentuating all the right features. Her cheekbones. Her lips. Her stunning eyes...

"...But seriously, why didn't you charge your phone? I'd been trying to call you since... well since I left Seattle!" Meredith scolded, walking closer and tossing her bag on his desk. On top of his research notes.

Derek was still in shock. "Uh..." he stammered, trying to think of an excuse besides, ' _I lost track of time,'_ which was so easy to do here in DC. Because, here it was just him. No kids, no wife, no holding a scalpel with life or death in his hands. And so... when presented with a problem...

"I know... you lost track of time," Meredith was saying when he tuned back in to her.

"Meredith," he started- not really sure how to respond, what to say... Their separation all this time left him out of sync with her and-

"You say Meredith and I yell, remember?" she teased.

Now she stepped around the desk, pushing herself between him and his work. Her eyes, though tired, twinkled with a familiar lust. Her booted foot caught the chair, settling just between his legs where he sat, still staring and bewildered. What time was it? "It's late," Meredith said, "And Derek, I miss you."

Without saying another word, Derek rose, cupped her face, and kissed her. Hard. He missed her too. She returned his kiss with a volley of her own that was uniquely Meredith. Passionate. Pure. Life giving.

"Oh," she whimpered into him.

It only turned him on, "I miss you too," he gasped as he tried to collect air. She pulled at his tie and fumbled with the buttons of his shirt while he ran his fingers through her lavender scented hair. More kisses, each touch burning through him like fire until he felt that familiar ache in his groin. "Meredith?"

Her hands were running up and down his chest, smooth fingers separating the coarse hairs that traveled from his chest down to his- "Oh," he said when she cupped him. Even through his pants, her touch was enough to send erotic shivers down his spine.

He leaned back slightly, just enough to look at her. Admire her. Her lips were flush... her skin a rosy hue. Her chest heaved with breathy pants... He reached for her collar, his hands sliding down as he began unbuttoning her shirt too. More. He wanted more. Needed.

He grinned when he felt her goosebumps under his fingertips, the black bra no longer a barrier to his explorations.

"Derek!" she gasped when he licked her. There... on that dark bud of skin. He paused for a second, just long enough for cool air to hit her nipple, causing it to pucker.

"Mm," he rumbled through his throat as he tasted her again with luscious swirls. One breast, and then the other.

Meredith also knew what he liked, what he missed. He felt his pants loosen as she unbuckled his belt and gasped in relief from the pressure that was restricting him. As she planted kisses under his ear, her hand smoothly traveled south, palm against his abdomen until it reached his growing bulge.

He quaked when her deft fingers curled around his member, stroking. Downward. Then her palm turned up and stroked. Down. Up. Soft, but firm. And each time, his hips jerked against her, even as he too reached further down, under her jeans, her silk underwear, to her soft skin, that small mound, already swollen and hot.

When he pushed against it, Meredith sucked in a breath and thrust her hips forward. _More. Again. I want you._ He pulled her pants and underwear down her thighs as she did the same to him.

No barrier was between them now.

She flicked her fingers a certain way on the cleft of his foreskin and pleasure rocketed through him as he grew tighter and thicker for her.

He returned the favor, sliding his index finger through her valley, finding that little nub. He teased it with his fingernail.

"God, Derek!" Meredith gasped, wrapping her arms around him.

"Meredith," he sighed as she bucked against him. It was getting harder to restrain himself. With his erection firmly against her belly, every contraction of her abdominal muscles excited him further.

He teased again, his fingers sliding into her easily, feeling her wet and hot past his knuckles...

"I'm sohot for you." Meredith's voice was low and sexy, full of desire. She tugged on his erection and he jammed into her palm.

It was time. His hands pressed firmly on her ass as he leaned against her, pushing her down against the desk. _He_ wanted. _Needed._ To be in her. To connect, as they once did... as they always could when words and feelings couldn't. Her scent of lavender conditioner and rainforest bodywash enticed him as he plunged his tongue into her mouth, relishing the faint taste of strawberry from her lip gloss and spearmint from her favorite brand of gum. Every caress of her lips and tongue on his thrilled him.

They pulled away for a second...

Derek saw it in her eyes...

 _Love each other,_

 _Even when we hate each other._

He hoped she saw it in his too.

Meredith drew her shoulders in and whined as she looked up at him, her swollen lips slightly parted, begging him...

 _Derek, I miss you._

 _I miss you too._

He cleared his throat and reached down to angle himself in as she opened up to him. First an inch, then two, and then she sheathed him completely. "Oh Meredith," he said as he felt how tight she was around him. It had been so long since he felt... so complete. So full.

"Huuuh," she responded, high pitched and breathy. Her skin was so warm and soft against his own as he pressed her against him, wanting to feel as much of her at once as he could. Her back arched, her pelvis ground against his. When her hands ran down his shoulders, biceps and forearms, shocks of electricity tingled every hair.

He thrust. In. Out. In. Out. He watched her as he did so. She didn't meet his gaze, but that was okay, that was how it started. They kept going, Meredith matched his tempo and rhythm easily, and finally he felt her gaze on him.

He was going to burst any minute now. The upward spiral of their lovemaking was torturous pleasure. Release. He wanted to release.

But not yet. He ground his head into her neck and sucked on her trapezius, causing her to call out in rapture. He only picked up the tempo. The growing bliss between his legs was heightened by her panting, and when she nipped his ear lobe he almost lost it.

But he kept going.

"Der-rek," she said, her voice distorted by the vibrations of his pounding. "Oh! Oh!" Her hand reached down to further the experience, but he beat her to it. His finger slipped in and he rubbed, swirled, tugged and then...

"Oh my God!" Meredith shuddered and jerked, muscles twitching and spasming as she lost control in the thrall of her orgasm. "Derek," she panted.

He grinned when he saw her. Meredith's face was red with heat, mouth open in that beautiful 'O' expression he loved so much.

But he couldn't stop. He had to finish. Release. The pressure building in him was immense. "Mer-" he gasped, pulling her closer. Harder.

She knew what to do. After a few forceful thrusts, she squeezed her vaginal muscles around his shaft, "Ohh," he groaned. As he pulled out, she squeezed around the very tip of him as he entered again. Relaxed. Then she shifted her hips slightly to the left and squeezed.

He was a bottle of champagne in her. _Pop!_ "Meredith!" Derek breathed as he shivered and bucked, releasing... unwinding, unraveling. His whole body flushed with coital excitement as he leaned on her. After he caught his breath, he wrapped his arms around his wife and pulled her up from the desk. They rested against each other and embraced. He sighed into her hair. She dabbed his chest and shoulder with soft kisses.

"That was..." Meredith started.

How to describe it? The universe collapsing in and exploding out at the same time? "The big bang?" He said, grinning.

Meredith snorted, "You did _not_ just say that!"

"But I did," he waggled his eyebrows. He curled his lips into a lascivious smile. "Wanna go again?"

She smiled, rolled her eyes, then sighed.

"What?" he asked, pulling himself out of her.

"Nothing..." Merdith replied, stroking the hairs on his chest. "Just, nothing."

He gazed at her, trying to figure her out. What did that _sigh_ mean?

Meredith picked up her bra from the corner of the desk that it hung from and fiddled with it. "I'm hungry, lets go eat..." she said, and pecked him on the cheek. "Okay?"

"Okay," he said, and he filed that sigh away to analyse later.

xxx

They went to a cozy italian place across the street. He ordered something light and healthy. She ordered the fettuccine Alfredo. With extra mushrooms and cheese. "Wine?" he asked.

Meredith bit her lip... "Maybe I'll just have water," she said to the waiter. "Yeah... water please."

Derek glanced at his wife curiously. Meredith refusing alcohol? When did that ever happen? "Same." He said.

The waiter nodded, "Very well," he said, before walking away.

"So..." Derek said, leaning in and folding his arms at the elbows. "You miss me huh?" Maybe this is what Meredith needed. Some space from him to help her figure out what she really needed. Or wanted. Maybe she was here to tell him that...

"I slept with cyclops," Meredith admitted, her fingers twirling the edges of her napkin.

"Huh?" Derek gaped. She slept with who?

"Cyclops!" she said. "The biggest, baddest, pain-in- the-ass tumour I have ever seen!"

Derek struggled to picture this. Weird images he did not like conjured in his mind. "You...slept with a tumor...?"

"Well, I printed a tumor... and then I put it on your pillow and fell asleep next to it."

Still confused, Derek said, "You replaced me with a tumor?"

"Well, I thought about printing a Derek..." Meredith trailed off.

"So you're replacing me with a conglomerated plastic mannequin," Derek said a little too sharply. Instantly he regretted it. She had been flirting and he missed the cue.

Meredith _sighed._

The waiter arrived and produced the food with a flourish, but Derek was too busy opening his mental filing cabinet and pulling out the sigh he'd heard before. Comparing it, analysing it... and then he wondered about something else. "Meredith, are you pregnant?" He thought it made sense... Her sudden appearance here, refusing alcohol, mood swings, extra mushrooms in her alfredo, her desire for sex...

"What?" Meredith's fork clattered on her plate...

"Well are you?" If she was pregnant this could change everything. He would have to give this up again, although maybe he wouldn't mind so much if Meredith was giving him another child. It wouldn't be so bad then.

"No," Meredith said, making a face. "I havent had sex in more than six weeks, I would've told you if I was pregnant."

"It's just... you didn't have any wine." he blurted, again regretting his big fat mouth.

The sigh that escaped her lips sounded more like a growl this time. "What are you saying Derek? If I'm not pregnant, then I must be an alcoholic? Is that it? Cause we all know that must mean I'm not curing death!" she snapped.

Why did she twist his words around so? "That's not what I meant, and you know that!"

"No, I don't. I don't know you anymore, Derek, that's the problem. I call, and you don't answer, or your phone's off. The only thing we do together is have sex..."

"We're having dinner together, for one, Meredith." Derek stated.

"Dinner I had to fly three thousand miles for."

Not this again... "Meredith," Derek sighed.

She rested her head in her hand, "I-I'm sorry. I just don't want to fight, and I don't want to fight about fighting, and I-"

"Don't want to be here?" he'd figured it out, the sigh... What it meant. Whether she was aware of it or not, she didn't really want to be here. Derek knew he was right because Meredith stopped instantly. Her mouth opened and closed and she looked away, speechless. "Okay, then." He muttered.

She stabbed her fettuccini, "I do want to be here..."

"You want to be in Seattle."

"I want to be with you."

"Then you shouldn't have told me to leave!"

"And you shouldn't have become an angry egotistical prick!" Meredith said through gritted teeth.

God, this wasn't how he wanted this to go... Derek rubbed his chin, unsure of what to say.

Meredith shoved her plate away from her and wiped her face with a napkin. "I knew this would happen... I can't do this Derek... I just-I can't." she stood up and picked up her purse. Derek jumped up with her.

"Meredith, wait!" he grabbed her arm.

She jerked her arm away and wrapped it around herself instead. Her eyes flashed up at him, questioning.

"I... um, I..." he didn't know what to say, he was waiting for her to yell. She didn't. He licked his lips. "Oh, God Meredith, I love you so much... but I feel so angry all the time, and I don't know why... I don't know who I am anymore."

She sniffed. "Derek," she shook her head, "How did it get like this?"

His shoulders slumped. "I don't know." It was just...what do you do when your dreams are handed to you on a silver platter but the cost was so high? He was doing this for her... because of Alzheimer's, didn't she see that? He wanted her to live until she was a hundred years old. Didn't she see that? He wanted her to see that, but all she saw...

Was Seattle.

She took his hand in her own, rubbing the tops of his knuckles. "I hope you find out, who you are, I mean. I love you too... so much. I can't lose you Derek, I just can't. I've lost enough." She leaned over, placed her hand on his chest and kissed him lightly on the lips. Then she let go. "I have to go." She said, and left.

That was the last time they saw each other.

xxx

 **A/N:** And the plot thickens. I'm not sure when Meredith printed the tumor, if it was before or after she planned to go to DC. But who cares? It's fanfic! My updates for this story will be short and intense, things will unravel slowly. Next chap you will Mere will explain a little about what happened. Stay tuned!

Also watch for **Lost and Found,** I plan on updating that in the next few days!


	3. Not An Accident

**A/N:** Thanks so much you awesome, awesome people! 19 reviews after 2 chaps! Amazing! I am posting this while I work on **A Fight to Remember,** which is a totally unique and extraordinary story on its own, so if you have time to kill, and want a story you can fall into, I strongly reccomend it! (Yes, a shameless self plug, get used to it!)

Now, just to clarify timeline a little here, after the last chapter, Meredith flies back to Seattle and continues her work. I'm assuming Mer and Der kept in touch on the phone. But Chap 2 was the last time they were together.

 **Now:**

"Mer?" he asked, drawing her attention from the picture on the side table. The one Maggie took at Bailey's birthday. Just two weeks ago. He squeezed her thigh, tilted his head, questioning.

She pulled her legs up in front of her. "I-I called you... and a woman answered," she said.

Renee. He nodded sadly.

"I... Had this horrible irrational thought, that-"

"You thought I cheated on you." He kind of had. They'd kissed. He'd been thinking of Meredith the whole time, and the wires got crossed.

"Yes." She said, and wiped an eye.

"You went to DC." He filled in what he knew from what the police told him.

"Yes," Meredith nodded. "Maggie offered to watch the kids..."

"So, you were in DC, and?" That was where he was stumped. Did something happen to her? Did she leave on purpose? Although he doubted that. She would've left a note, or called him, or something. Right? And he didn't think she would ever abandon the kids. "Meredith?"

"I went to your apartment first... You weren't there, so I went to the lab... I thought you were working late. They let me in... and," she swallowed heavily and looked at her fingers. Then she looked up at him with haunted eyes. "I saw... I saw something I shouldn't have."

Now he was confused. What did she see? What happened in the lab? Why did she look so scared?

Her breath hitched, she picked at a loose thread on the knee of her jeans. He covered her hand with his own. She rubbed his knuckle with her thumb, and he noticed her nails were uncharacteristically long and dirty. "Derek... I didn't mean... I didn't have a choice." Uncomfortable silence stretched out the moment.

He waited for her to finish. To explain. She shook her head, swallowed. "The accident wasn't an accident. It was a threat." Meredith croaked.

Her words bounced around in his head, a strange echo. _The accident wasn't an accident?_ "What?"

"Because of me. It was my fault. What I saw- no one was supposed to find out about it, but I saw and-"

"And what?" Derek growled, sitting up straighter. What did she see? What had she stumbled into? Was this some weird government conspiracy?

"I told them I wouldn't tell. I wouldn't say a word. I'd sign a stupid paper... whatever. I told them I'd do anything, just- I had to see you. But they didn't believe me. They didn't trust me. Some stupid top secret crap. And then they found out I was a doctor and they decided that they wanted me to- help them. I said no... I said no, Derek, and then-"

She stared back at her knees, and tears dripped, soaking her jeans.

What could he say? What could he do? Only pull her closer to him. "Oh, Meredith..."

"They called someone," she continued. "I don't remember what they said, or who- it was a video call. They showed me your car in the middle of the road. I saw the accident." The driver... the driver of the truck was fine. He worked for them."

"For who?" He asked. Who was THEM? "Meredith..." he pleaded. It had been two years. What happened in all this time?

"They said... if I wanted to see you again, if I wanted to see my kids... I had to to do whatever they wanted. I couldn't-" her grey eyes flitted to the side, shiny with tears. "Contact you or anyone or else... they would- they could. I wanted to Derek. So bad. Everyday, I wanted to tell you so much, I wanted to escape, but-"

Derek tilted his head, rubbed her knee. He wanted to know. He wanted to know the whole story. The whole thing. His heart and head whirled and churned with questions and mixed emotions as he stared at his wife.

Meredith whimpered as she met his questioning gaze. "Please Derek, I can't tell you any more. I can't. You don't know what I had to do to get here."

He thought she was dead. That some scumbag had picked her up and- But she wasn't. She was here right in front of him. Wasn't that enough?

Derek took a breath, held it for a moment as he looked up at the ceiling, and then he released it, long and loud in the quiet house. He squeezed his wife's cold hand, covered it with his own. It was enough. "I'm glad you're alive." He said as he pulled her against his chest so he could smell her hair. It didn't smell like lavender but he didn't care.

"Me too." She whispered as she rested there, wrapped in his firm embrace.

He didn't want to ever let go.

xxx

Meredith fell asleep in his arms. Derek didn't want to move but he couldn't feel his leg anymore, and his back was aching. Gently, so very gently, he pushed her back against the couch and slid a pillow under her. She stirred and turned on her side, tucking her hand under her chin.

A minute later her heard her snoring softly and he nearly cried. He pushed himself off the couch and paced, partly to restore blood flow to his leaden leg and partly because he didn't know what the hell to do next. Should he call Amelia? Have her bring the kids over? He shook his head. It was too soon. He didn't know how they'd react. How she'd react. There was one thing he needed to do, however. He picked up his phone and sent a quick email, pushing all his surgeries and messaging other attendings to take his more urgent ones. He needed some time.

He decided she must be hungry and set about fixing something in the kitchen for her. There was a chicken he was planning to roast, or the chopped vegetables he'd prepped this morning for a vegetable stir-fry... but when he saw the sliced cheddar cheese, he knew what he had to make.

As the butter sizzled on the pan toasting the bread brimming with cheese, he noticed the small green backpack that looked so out of place in his home. Curiosity took over and he picked it up and brought to the kitchen counter, zipping it open. He didn't quite know what to expect to find... something gory? But it was mostly clothes, a travel umbrella, flashlight, hygeine items. A notebook with half the pages ripped out. In the side pocket he found a wallet with a five dollar bill in it. Nothing else. No ID, no credit card. A piece of paper with a long thirteen digit number on it. An international phone number? But it didn't start with 011. And there were dashes in weird places. He tucked the paper back in the wallet and kept searching. At the bottom of the backpack something crinkled, and he pulled out a plastic shopping bag wondering what was inside. Toys. Dollar store toys.

Derek's heart broke. She'd spent her last few dollars thinking of her children.

He quickly turned his attention to the grilled cheese and flipped it before it burned. While the buttered bread cooked, he pulled out the items in the bag. Stickers, shiny purple pony stickers and heart stickers and smiley stickers. Obviously for Zola. A small Dora book, and a pencil set. For Bailey, toy trucks, and a lion stuffed animal. A birthday card, _Happy Birthday! You're Four! Amazing!_ He frowned when he saw that nothing was written inside.

"I didn't know what to say..." Meredith said, jolting him from his reviere. How long had she been standing there?

He dropped the card, smiled, and took the frying pan off the burner. "Hungry?" he asked, sliding the sandwich onto a plate and cutting it in half.

"Starving," Meredith smiled back. "You made grilled cheese for me?" she pulled herself up onto the stool and picked up half of the golden brown sandwich.

"Yes," he said. "Milk?" he offered.

"Pleab," Meredith said, her mouth full of sandwhich.

He poured her a glass of milk and when he turned around, Meredith was already munching on the other half of the sandwich. He chuckled, "Bailey's just like you." He said, recalling his son's ravenous appetite.

"He is?" she asked, eyes shining.

"Oh, Mer..." he reached over and took her hand.

"I missed so much. Birthday's, Christmas', Zola's first day of school..." she trailed off.

"They missed you too." He said. They still asked, Zola more than Bailey... 'Where's mommy? Is she coming back?' And all he could tell them was that he didn't know. "Mer..." he looked at her and she knew what he was thinking.

"I can't. I can't tell you."

"You can trust me." He said.

"I do trust you... but this is..." she shook her head, "Please, Derek."

"Okay," he replied, backing off.

Meredith took a few sips of her milk and then wiped her mouth. "Is it okay if I take a shower?" she asked.

Of course it was okay. He nodded. And as he watched as she plodded off to the master bedroom, he hoped he would never wake up from this strange but beautiful dream.


	4. Don't Leave Me

**A/N:** I really want to thank everyone who has faved, followed and reviewed! I forgot to mention that before. You all know who you are... Some of you have some interesting theories... hmmm... And Yes, I was inspired a little by James Patterson and a few other popular writers that dot the drugstore bookshelves. But the seed of this story came from the thought about all the MerDer stories out there where Derek leaves and Meredith has to raise her kids, and then he shows up again...

I was like... what if Meredith left and came back? What would be the reason?

Thus this story was born...

 **Enjoy!**

Meredith stood at the threshold of their bedroom. There was the post-it, and the spinal tumor. It was pretty much the same, except for a few slight differences. A different bedspread, different books. The night stand was different. She walked to the closet, expecting to grab some of Derek's clothes to change into, but finding that her clothes were all still there. She breathed a relieved sigh and picked out some plaid pajamas and a towel.

When she opened the bathroom door, she decided to forgo the shower and take a bath. It had been a long time since she'd had a bath. Her body was tired and achy from sitting in a cramped bus for days. Her shampoo and conditioner was still there, as was her purple loofah. She laughed when she saw the little rubber ducky on the side of the tub. Then she tried to hold back her tears. She'd given Bailey a bath before she left. They'd played with the rubber ducky.

Dammit.

But she couldn't dwell on the past. She had to put it behind her. No one could know. Lives were at stake. One life in particular. And after what happened to Derek... After what they did to him... she knew they meant business.

When the water steamed she tested the temperature with her toe. It was perfect. She slipped in and slid down, down, down. The water embraced her, warming her. She massaged herself with the loofah, and tried to package her guilt away into that little box in her head. She was home. She should be happy about that. She needed to be happy about that. It had been an awful trade off that she'd made to get here, but this was the only way. Her children needed her. Derek needed her.

That other part of herself that she left behind? She'd deal with that later, when the dust settled. She would come up with a plan. For now, no one could know. Not even Derek. If it meant that she'd be a pariah...well so be it.

Just thinking about it now however, caused her to wrap her arms protectively around her abdomen, her pinky grazing her C-section scar. This time she couldn't stop the tears.

Time passed. Meredith sighed and stepped out of the tub. She reached down and pulled the plug, mesmerized as she watched the soapy water spiral down the drain. It was symbolic or something... The last two years-could she put it behind her? Would they let her? Would Derek let her?

She'd left him. He'd been hurt, broken and she couldn't be there for him.

Wiping the moisture off her face with the towel, Meredith stared at herself in the mirror. God, she looked so old... How did that happen? She was only a few years shy of forty. Her hair was too dark, she'd dyed it a week ago and now she regretted it. It was a stupid impulsive thing because she thought she was being followed... But what did it matter? If they wanted to do something, they would've already. It wasnt like they didn't know where she lived.

Toweled off and dry, wearing her PJ's, Meredith entered the bedroom once more, not surprised to find Derek sitting on the bed, changed into the comfortable sweats he liked to wear around the house. "Hi," she said awkwardly.

"Hi," he said, with that smile she missed so much.

She sat down on the corner of the bed and scrunched the blanket under her fingers. The urge to kiss him... To connect, feel him in her was overwhelming, but she didn't know how he felt about her right now, so she turned away.

"Meredith..." Derek spoke softly, reverently.

"I don't know what else to tell you."

The mattress moved, the covers rustled. "You don't have to say anything..." he whispered, and he was right behind her. She felt his breath on her neck. A breathy sigh escaped her lips as he kissed under her ear. She shuddered. Oh god, she wanted him.

When he kissed her again, she turned her body and took him on the lips. They languished there, and this time she wasn't afraid anymore. He'd accepted her. She shifted and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer.

"Mmm," he hummed, which only spurned her on. She straddled him, her hands splaying against his chest. She missed him so much. She missed his love. His body, his strength.

His nipples hardened under the t-shirt as she caressed him and they were both sighing in pleasure at the full engagement of all senses. Derek's calloused hands inched their way under her top, up her sides, his fingers spread along her back, and then his thumbs...

"Oh," she moaned.

"I missed you." Derek said, pulling her top off.

"Missed you too," she replied, kissing the corner between his jaw and his neck. The exposed skin of her upper body prickled against the cool air. Her hands slipped under his shirt as she returned the favor. She wanted to feel his warmth against her. Skin on skin. Rocking against him, she pulled his shirt off and pushed him down on the bed.

She gazed into his deep blue eyes, the ones she saw every night in her dreams, and her longing only intensified. Her hands ran over the soft skin of his abdomen and she looked down to admire his-Scars? She stopped. In her mind she saw the truck smash into Derek's porche. She imagined him gasping in terror, arms flying up to protect himself. IV's, chest tubes, scalpels. The thoracotomy scar was long and jagged. A trauma wound. There was another, smaller scar where they removed his spleen most likely. She closed her eyes.

"Meredith?" Derek's voice pulled her back. She blinked and tried to lose herself in those eyes, but couldn't. Her brain was flooding her with traumatic images. "It's okay." He kissed her hand, "They're just scars. I'm here. I'm okay."

For a brief moment, she considered continuing their lovemaking, but she couldn't anymore. The guilt was crushing her. She'd been so stupid. Why didn't she trust him? Why didn't she stay in Seattle and trust that he'd come back to her? If she had stayed here, none of this would have happened. But she saw horses, and her heart was breaking, and she had to tell him... that she needed him and-

"It's not your fault," Derek said. "You weren't driving the truck." He pulled her into a hug as she tried not to cry. He shifted on the bed until they were side by side facing each other. "We're together now, that's all that matters." he brushed a stray bit of hair out of her eyes.

She regarded him carefully and knew he didn't blame her. At least not now. But she couldn't look at those scars, so she turned away, her back pressing against his chest. "Can you just... hold me?" she asked, taking his hand in hers and pulling it against her.

Derek shifted so his body was flush with hers. Warmth emanated from him, seeping into her. He sighed, and his stubbled chin scraped against her bare shoulder. "Mer, I want to do more than hold you."

"I-"

His burgeoning erection pressed against her back. "Please," he said, kissing her shoulder.

Her breath caught in her throat. This was unexpected. She wasn't sure if she deserved being loved in this way. She wanted to make him feel better, not the other way around. But before she could protest, he was kissing her. Stroking her, caressing her. His touch? Sensual flames all over.

His thumb grazed her nipple, and his fingernail traced a line down her abdomen to her sensitive vee. She ground against him, the only way she could give back, and her core lit with heat. "Derek," she said, pleading.

"Hm, not yet," he said, rocking with her, his fingers dipping in and out, in and out.

"Oh..." she brought his other hand up to caress her breast, at the same time, kissing his cheek. She felt herself flush as his touch ravished her. His erection grew behind her, and he pulled her pants down. She squirmed and pulled her leg up so he could enter her.

He entered slowly as she was tight around him. It had been a long time. Tears came to her eyes, God she missed him...

It was the strangest, most loving sex she'd ever had. They climaxed slowly, a long crescendo. They released only seconds apart, panting softly.

Afterwards, Derek hovered over her, propped up on his elbow as he gazed at her. "Mer..." his eyes were hidden by dark bangs. "Don't leave me."

She turned into him, pressed against his scarred chest, "I won't. I love you too much."

"Mm," he kissed her ear, her jaw, her shoulder..."I love you too."

She fell asleep in his arms, feeling safe for the first time since they were separated.

xxx

When she woke up, he was staring at her. For once she didn't mind. Soft white sunlight streamed in through their huge window, bringing a lightness to her world that she missed. There was one thing she didn't miss. The nightmares. Was this heaven? Not quite, but close enough. Maybe in a little while.

"Hey," he said.

"Hi," she replied, and couldn't help the smile that stretched across her lips. Home. Finally.

He pecked her on the forehead and sighed happily.

"You're watching me sleep?" Meredith asked.

"I'm trying to convince myself this is real."

She reached over, took his hand in hers, brushed her fingers on his palm. "Feel that?" She asked.

"Mm," he rumbled.

She kissed him on the lips, pulled away a little. "And that?" she asked.

"Mm, yes." Derek said, stroking her arm.

"Me too."

"This is real?"

"This is real."

Derek returned her kiss. "Good," he replied. "I took the next couple days off... we're going to need some time."

Meredith nodded. Time. Right. This _was_ real. Really really real. "I want to see my kids." She realized she sounded possesive with the 'my' but- it had been so long.

"I know... I was just going to call Amelia, but I-" he shrugged, and his brows furrowed. "Do I tell her... you're back? What do I-? I don't know what to say..."

Unlike him, she'd had time to think about what to do. "Give it a day?" she said, "or two?" Honestly, she didn't want anyone to know she was back... The happy bubble she'd been in in the last twelve or so hours would be popped because she'd have to answer questions she couldn't answer. She'd have to lie.

Derek stared at her, concerned as he came to the same realization. "Meredith..."

She sat up in bed and leaned against the headboard. "Derek, no one can know what I told you... you understand? They can't know... because they'll ask questions, questions I'm not allowed to answer."

"Who are these people? Why can't you explain to them that-"

"These 'people' almost killed you, Derek. And they forced me to work for them, against my oath as a doctor, against my own principles. The things I did... what I saw... No one can know. Not even you."

"Then why did they let you go?" Of course he had to ask the obvious question.

She wished she could tell him, but if she did, the cat would be out of the bag, and there would be dire consequences. In the end, she'd been faced with a terrible choice, one no one should have to make. It was the only way she could get back to Derek. To her kids. To her life, or remnants of.

It was that, or them possibly killing her or forcing her to live in seclusion.

"I made a deal." A half lie. "I gave them something they could use against me." A vague truth.

"What did you give them?" he asked.

Everything she had, but she planned to get it back. "I can't tell you."

Derek sighed and ran his fingers through his thick hair, his frustration evident. "Meredith..."

She found herself seething. Couldn't he just let it go already? "I _can't_ tell you, Derek. I just can't. If I tell you..." she swallowed, and forced herself to say the next few sentences. She was hurting him. She never wanted to hurt him. But he had to know the consequences. "I'll have to leave. And I don't know if I'll be able to come back. Please..." she begged, "Please don't make me..."

He looked like a slapped puppy. Broken and confused. She knew he didn't get it. He would never understand. But he didn't _have_ to understand. He just had to accept. Accept and move on.

"You said you wouldn't leave," he said.

She did, she did say that. But- "You said I didn't have to say anything." Meredith replied.

She rubbed the bridge of her nose, there it was, the line. She hoped she wouldn't have to draw it out for him. She would stay as long as she didn't have to say anything.

He rolled off the bed, picked up his t-shirt from the floor by his feet and stood up. "I'm going to pick up the kids. You stay here, get dressed. We'll all have breakfast together." He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes, didn't light up his face. " I won't tell Amelia." He pulled open a drawer and withdrew jeans and a worn T-shirt. Then he entered the bathroom and closed the door, cutting himself off from her.

Alone in the bed, Meredith stared at the closed bathroom door. Breathing heavily, she forced her feelings back into that box. She was a horrible person. She knew that. But of all the choices laid before her, the one she'd made, the sacrifice she'd made... seemed like the best option at the time. For _everyone's_ sake. One day she hoped to make it right. One day she hoped she could tell him without the threat of death. One day...

She hoped they would make it to that point.

 **A/N:** I wonder what your theories are... hmmm Please review!

Also To my faithful fans... I will be taking a little break from my writing as of Mar. 4 2017. My updates will be a little farther apart for all my stories. I just need to spend some time getting my life together. Family, work, and my own personal growth need a little time, so please bear with me. If you want to know when a story will be updated or something, please just send me a PM or leave a review, and I will respond. I'm not exactly going on Hiatus, just prioritizing my writing last.

Thank you for understanding!


	5. Trade Off

**A/N:** I'm Back! Thanks so much for your patience readers! And all your encouragement! I have to admit, I had some writers block with this one, so it took a bit of time before I felt comfortable enough to put out another update. Anyway, Here We Are!

 **Enjoy!**

Meredith waited anxiously, pacing back and forth. Apparently Owen and Amelia lived on the other side of town, so it could be awhile before Derek arrived with Zola and Bailey. On the coffee table was the plastic bag of dollar store toys she'd picked up on a whim while waiting for the bus at a layover stop. Compared to the trunkful of toys in their playroom, and the half dozen stuffed animals on Bailey's bed, her small offerings seemed measly in comparison. Half of her wanted to throw them out, ashamed that she couldn't get them something better, and the other half kept saying, 'it's the thought that counts.'

The thought?

If there was a toy for every thought she had of her children in the last two years, every room would be stuffed full. No one would be able to go anywhere, step anywhere, because they'd be waist deep in oodles of toys.

She squeezed the plush lion she bought for Bailey. She bought it because they'd gone to the zoo together about a week before everything went wrong. Bailey seemed especially enchanted with lions that day and she wondered if he remembered.

The pencil set for Zola? She'd fantasized taking her daughter to school. Holding her hand as she guided her to the desk. Watching her write her name. She missed them sooo much.

She couldn't wait.

Finally she forced herself to sit on the couch. It wouldn't do to look nervous.

Still- when the door swung open, she jumped up suddenly, not able to stop the smile that burst on her lips.

But it wasn't Derek. Or the kids. It was Maggie. "Hey," she called as she walked in, she hadn't noticed Meredith yet. "I forgot my ipod..." she trailed off when she realized exactly who was standing there. "Meredith?"

They both just stood in shock.

"Uh..." Meredith stammered.

"Oh my God. Oh my God... Meredith?" Maggie closed the distance between them quickly, squeezing her into a tight bear hug. "You're alive! Oh God, you're alive! You're here! You're- what happened? Where did you go?"

"Maggie-"

"Are you alright? Did someone hurt you? Were you kidnapped? I always thought it had to be some creep who- I mean, I thought you were dead! I thought- horrible awful terrible things happened to you- I- we were so worried! Everyone was so worried! And Derek... he was in an accident Mer, and-"

"Mag-"

"Zola and Bailey were devasted, we looked everywhere for you! DC police are incompetant, by the way-"

It took a lot of strength to escape her half sister's hug. She finally managed to grip Maggie's biceps and push her a few inches away. "Can't breathe-" Meredith gasped.

"Oh," Maggie half laughed, half cried. She released Meredith and finally she could breathe. "Sorry, sorry, I wasn't thinking- I-"

"It's okay, it's okay..." Meredith replied, running her hands up and down her sister's arms. "I'm okay."

Maggie nodded. She looked around. "Where's Derek? Is he here? When did you get here? Does he know? I can call him-"

It was almost too much, all the questions, the worry, the hovering. "Maggie, please..."

"Right. Right, sorry, I'll stop now." Maggie said, regaining control of herself.

"I got here last night," she explained. "Derek went to get the kids, and I'm fine... nothing-" she swallowed, "horrible happened to me, okay?" At least not the way Maggie likely imagined.

"Oh, thank God." Maggie breathed, covering her mouth with her hands. "Oh, Mer, I'm so glad you're back. I'm glad you're okay."

"And I'm glad to be home...but Maggie-"

"So what happened, where did you go? If you weren't-"

Meredith rubbed the bridge of her nose. "Maggie, I can't-"

"Why did you leave? What-"

"Pierce!" she finally snapped. "Give me a freaking minute!"

The younger woman stopped and gaped at her.

"Sorry," Meredith said. "I'll answer your questions soon, but my husband will be here with my kids any minute, and I would really like to spend some time with them. Alone."

Maggie covered her mouth with her hand, "Oh, of course!" she thumbed toward the door. "I'll just...go then."

"Mag-"

"It's good you're back Mer," she said tearfully before she slid out the door.

xxx

Derek quickly bounded up the steps to Amelia's. Before he could knock, his sister pulled he door open.

"Derek, is everything all right?" Her features scrunched in worry. "I got your email." She rubbed her large pregnant belly as she stepped back to let him in.

"Yeah, fine... I just-" he smiled, "I need to spend time with my kids." Honestly, even if Meredith hadn't shown up, he should've done this a long time ago. When was the last time he'd spent the whole day with them and only them? Not since before he'd returned to work.

"Of course, that's great."Amelia smiled back.

"Daddy!" Bailey called out from behind her. God, he looked so much like Meredith. He'd forgotten how much his little boy's features resembled Meredith. Especially his smile.

Derek kneeled down, encasing his son in a huge hug. "Hey buddy, are you ready for pancakes?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "With booberries?"

"Sure," he said, matching Bailey's grin. "Okay, put your coat on."

"Kay," Bailey ran to the closet to fetch his coat. Derek stepped further into the foyer, the screen door closing behind him. He sighed and pushed his hair out of his eyes. Lately, he'd been letting it grow a little wilder.

"Zola!" Amelia called, "C'mon, your dad is here!"

There was a shuffling noise, and Zola appeared from the hallway, still dressed in her PJ's. "Do I have to go?" she asked. "I wanna stay here. Can't I stay here?" she pleaded with Amelia.

"Well that's up to your dad," Amelia nodded to Derek.

"Dad? Can I stay with Auntie Amy? Please?" Zola asked, her voice dripping with honey.

Normally, he'd say yes. Normally he'd happily hand her over to someone else. But not today. Derek shook his head. "No, not today sweetie, today we're going to spend all day together, how does that sound?"

"But Amy was gonna make waffles, and we were gonna watch the new Dora Movie." Zola countered.

"Well, today... um..." He couldn't exactly blurt out that Meredith was home in front of Amy. "I have a surprise for you at home, okay?"

Zola sighed, unimpressed. "But I was gonna watch Dora with Sofia..."

Derek kneeled down to look his daughter in the eye. She was getting so tall already. "I know. I know this wasn't what you planned, Zola. I know I promised you a lot of things in the past and I haven't kept my promises like I should," he swallowed the lump in his throat. "I've disappointed you. But today, can you just give me a chance? If you don't like it, I will take you back here and you can still have your auntie time and Dora okay?"

Zola sighed. "Okay..." she rolled her eyes.

"Okay." He nodded back.

Amy helped them get ready, and a few minutes later they were in the Cayanne. Finally, alone. When they were ten minutes away from home Derek turned the music off. "Okay, I need you two to listen up," he started. Zola looked up from her Ipad, and Bailey stopped singing. "You know how I said there was a surprise at home?"

"Yeah..." Zola said.

"Well, I'm going to tell you now."

"But it's supposed to be a swupwise..." Bailey said.

"I know, but I think I should tell you now, so you're ready..."

The kids looked at him silently as he glanced at them through the rearview mirror. "It's your mom. Your mom is home."

xxx

Since Maggie left, Meredith had set the table, she got out the supplies for pancakes, and then went back to pacing and nervous hand wringing. Her kids were coming, her kids were coming... Any minute they'd burst through that door and what... what would she say to them? What would she do? Meredith's heart pounded so hard she thought she could hear it. Finally she leaned on the arm of the couch, rubbing her thighs.

When she heard Derek's Cayanne rumble up to the driveway, she froze. This was it, the moment of truth.

Just breathe, Meredith, breathe... she thought.

The patter of footsteps and the murmur of voices on the wooden deck gave her goosebumps. When the door swung open, she bolted upright.

"Mommy!" Bailey barreled toward her, arms wide open to embrace her.

Instinctively she bent down to scoop him up. "Bailey..." she gasped as she lifted him up. "You're so big!" He was so solid and firm in her arms... her heart was bursting with joy, just to hold him, feel his silky hair in her fingers, see her own face reflected in his brilliant blues. "I missed you so much!"

His head rested on her shoulder for a minute, "You smell like Mommy," he said.

"Oh..." Meredith sniffed and kissed his ear, "You smell like Bailey."

"Mama?" Zola's voice tore her from her son and she put him down to see her daughter still standing in front of Derek.

"Go on, Zo." Derek encouraged.

Meredith wanted to run to her, but she remained rooted to the floor. Zola needed to come to her. "Hey, lovebug... It's me. I'm home," she croaked, wiping her eyes.

Zola hesitated, glancing at Derek once before looking back at Meredith.

"Hi," Meredtih said again. "I missed you so much... look how big you are... I-"

"Mommy?" Zola asked again, chewing on a finger.

"Yes, it's me... I'm here sweetie."

And then Zola ran straight into her arms, her little body melding against hers in a perfect fit. "Where did you go?" she sobbed into her chest.

"I..." Meredith choked. "Away, sweetie. But I'm here now. I'm home."

"Good. Don't go away again."

"I won't, lovebug," she said, wrapping her arms tighter around her daughter.

"Alright," Derek announced cheerfully, "I'm going to start breakfast."

xxx

They had blueberry pancakes and bacon. Meredith couldn't remember the last time she had blueberries, but it was delicious. After she licked the syrup off her fork, she took in the sight before her. Zola and Bailey happily eating, sharing stories about their everyday lives, because she'd missed all that. Zola kept asking her about where she had gone, but she made sure to deflect the question. She didn't quite know what to say yet. Instead, she kept her daughter talking, asking her questions about school and her friends and what not. For his part, Bailey climbed into her lap at his first chance to do so and never wanted to leave.

She brought out the tiny gifts she'd bought them, and was thrilled that they were thrilled. Zola brought out her 'homework' and carefully spelled her first and last name at the top of the page, and when she was finished, she stamped it with one of the purple pony stickers. "This is the bestest sticker because I got it from my mommy," she said. Which practically caused Meredith to melt into a pile of goo.

Bailey and Derek raced the cars on the floor, and every once in awhile Bailey would have to drop his toys and run to her just for a hug.

They spent the whole day like this, and Meredith kept pinching herself. Was this really real? Was this heaven?

Several times, however, she'd catch Derek's concerned questioning gaze, but he would quickly blink and look away. Her heart ached when he did that. She hated that, hated keeping things from him, keeping him in the dark. But it wouldn't do any good right now. Right now she just needed normal.

Home. With her kids and Derek. Normal.

Finally, after dinner and a movie and a long walk around the lake, the kids were tuckered out. They ended up all in bed, Zola and Bailey on either side of her. "Good night," she kissed Bailey's hair. "Good night," she kissed Zola's forehead.

Covered in kids, she tried to sleep. She closed her eyes, breathed deeply and waited. But the silence only allowed her mind to wander, and she thought of another person that was supposed to be here. _No,_ she thought, _please no..._ she shook her head. But she couldn't turn it off.

Her baby.

She was pregnant when she'd run down to Washington. She was pregnant... and she was going to tell Derek that day...

But now, that baby could be anywhere. Her little girl. She'd named her Ellis. That was the trade off. This... Home. Kids. Derek. For Ellis...

A sudden violent feeling rose in her stomach and she swallowed thickly. She had to get up. Moving so as to not wake her kids, she shuffled to the bathroom and closed the door before retching into the toilet.

How could she?

How could she do that?

What kind of mother was she? She was a horrible, horrible person... even if she knew that they wouldn't hurt Ellis, and that her baby would be taken care of... she'd left her with THEM... and-

"Are you alright?" Derek whispered, standing in the doorway.

Meredith dry heaved over the toilet and then collapsed into a snivelling mess on the cold bathroom tile. "No..." she hiccupped.

"Oh Meredith," Derek was suddenly beside her, behind her, around her. She felt his breath on her shoulder, and he kissed her collarbone, his stubble grazing her neck.

She wanted to push him away, feeling so undeserving of his love... but she needed him so badly too. So she just cried. Derek held her close, murmuring into her ear, words that comforted and pained her at the same time, until the oblivion of sleep finally claimed her.

 **A/N:** Well most of you guessed this part... koodos to you for picking up my clues... but there is so much more to the story. Stay tuned!


	6. Take Me

**A/N:** Thanks to DarkAndTwistyGrey, Patsy, Mandyg67, Soccergreys101, two guests and MerDer2015.

 **Enjoy!**

Derek didn't sleep. After he carried his wife back to bed and tucked her in with the kids, he didn't sleep. He just watched Meredith. For a long time, she slept peacefully, but when her REM pattern kicked in, she twitched and moaned for a long time before facing him in her sleep. Something had happened. When would she tell him? Would she ever?

"Are you okay?" Derek asked in the morning as they cuddled.

Meredith turned on her side, fully facing him, her expression blank and sleep filled. "I'm okay," she said.

"I love you. I will always love you." He caressed her cheek, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. _You can tell me anything_ , he pleaded with one look, but he said nothing. He sighed and closed his eyes. It was early still, no need to get up yet. But before sleep claimed him, he felt her warm hand slip under his cotton t-shirt, her long fingers pressing firmly against his abdomen, and then up his sternum, across his chest, circling his nipple.

"Mer," Derek whispered. "The kids." Bailey was still a hot furnace between them, and Zola curled on Meredith's side of the bed.

"Crap," she mumbled. "I just... I..." she sighed.

"What?" he asked.

"I love you too," she said, and her hand remained there, absorbing his heat.

He brushed his fingertips over her forearm, and gripped the hand that rested over his chest. Then he brought it to his lips and kissed it. "Sleep Mer," he replied.

Moments later she was snoring. Derek smiled. At this moment, it was a symphony to him.

xxx

"We have to talk," Derek said at breakfast. He poured orange juice for Meredith at the table while she mashed her cereal. "About what to do now that you're back." He had the whole night to think about this... he hated to burst the bubble, but it wasn't something they could hide.

"Yeah," she sighed.

"Maggie texted me last night."

"Oh," She looked up at him.

"She was checking in... Mer, she..." he sighed, ran a hand through uncombed hair. "She's been staying here." Maggie had moved in three months ago, she practically insisted, to help him with the kids, and just for company. He thought he'd be alright after Amelia moved out, but the lonliness had been getting to him.

"Oh." His wife deflated a little. Derek knew she hated herself for not being there.

"I just... The kids..." He stammered, hoping she would understand.

"It's ok, Derek I understand." Meredith said quickly. Maybe too quickly.

"Auntie Maggie showed me how to make Smiley pancakes, mommy!" Zola exclaimed, interrupting their sordid conversation.

"Did she?" Meredith asked visibly brightening at her daughter's need for attention. "How do you do that?" Zola pulled herself up on the chair to lean on Meredith's shoulder. She whispered into her ear, and Meredith softly giggled, her eyes brightly shining. "Oh..." she smiled. "You'll make me some sometime?"

"Mmhm" Zola hummed, "I like smiley pancakes!"

Bailey chimed in with his own stories, and Derek could only watch and listen as his kids interacted with their mother.

It was like she never left.

But she had.

"Maggie's coming over in a bit," he said. "She hasn't told anyone about you yet," he poured himself a cup of coffee as he sidled up beside her. "When she gets here, We can go... and talk."

Meredith nodded, but said nothing, choosing to focus on the kids instead.

xxx

 **Somewhere in Seattle:**

He settled into his new unfurnished bachelor pad, his beanbag chair crunching under his weight. Pulling out his laptop, he turned it on and plugged in his photo printer. The memory card clicked into place and he selected _print all._

After he downloaded the pictures he began a facial recognition search through the DMV records.

It didn't take long to find a match.

"Meredith Grey..." he hummed, chewing thoughtfully on red licorice, his latest discovery. " _Doctor_ Meredith Grey..."

He flipped through the pictures he'd taken. She looked tired and desperate. He had followed her for a week before he ended up in Seattle.

"Who are you?" he asked the photo of her likeness boarding a Greyhound in Chicago wearing a hoodie and sunglasses.A simple google search revealed what he needed to know. She was a surgeon, a mother, a wife. She lived in Seattle. She'd been missing for two years. And now he had followed her back here "More importantly, who are you running from?"

The circumstances of her disappearance had been vexing. Without delving into police files, there was little evidence on who might have been her captors. She had caught his attention when he'd been in D.C, but he had his own problems to deal with then. Now, a year later... He was begining to think those problems were related.

He pulled up the website for Grey-Sloan Memorial hospital. He needed a plan.

xxx

 **Elsewhere:**

The file folder landed heavily on her lap.

"What's this?" she asked, flipping through it. Files, records. A Staff ID badge with her face on it. Grey-Sloan Memorial hospital.

Cigar smoke filled the sedan as her boss exhaled. It stung her eyes, but she didn't react. "Your next assignment."

"What do you want me to do?" She tucked a thick strand of her brunette hair behind her ear.

"Find Meredith Grey."

She swallowed. "Meredith knows who I am." She said.

"I'm counting on it." Her boss wheezed.

"You have end-stage COPD, you shouldn't be smoking."

He dismissed her with a blink. "I don't... give a damn."

"Okay then," she rolled her eyes. "I find Meredith Grey... and then what?"

"Infiltrate. Threaten. Coerce. Make sure... she doesn't speak a word."

"And if she does?"

Her boss puffed on his cigar, the tip glowing as oxygen cycled through it. "Then... there will be trouble... for both of you."

xxx

"A dinner party?" Meredith asked as she walked along the lakeside path, Derek astride her. Her thoughts and feelings were all jumbled up and it bothered her.

On the bus, it had been so clear what she would say about her disappearance. That she'd been 'recruited' and confidentiality agreements forced her to say nothing.

But seeing Maggie yesterday really threw her for a loop. So many questions, so much worry... would they accept her story? Would they really believe her? How long before they asked more questions?

Maybe a couple weeks. A month, perhaps. But people like Maggie didn't give up, and Alex would see right through her... And if Meredith was anything, she was a bad liar. Now Derek was making plans... Have everyone over, give them the good news, show off his wife again. Talk to Bailey about getting her job back.

Just... go back to normal. Like nothing happened. A bad dream you woke up from with a gasp and a hand to your chest.

If only that were true.

"Hey," Derek stopped and squeezed her hand, pulling her out of her torrid thoughts. They were in front of the trailer. "It's going to be fine," he said.

No. She shook her head. It wasn't fine.

Derek stroked her cheek, stopping just under her chin, he tilted her head and gazed down at her, his eyes full of forced reassurance "Meri-"

"Shut up," she blurted, causing pain to mar his dreamy features."It's not going to be fine!" she jerked her head away from his fingers.

"Everyone will be happy to see you Meredith," Derek exclaimed. "They've been waiting for this moment! You're back, alive! In one piece... " He reached for her again. "That's all- God Meredith, I hate-"

"Hate?" Meredith prompted, "You know what I hate? Lying. And I hate-" She hated so much. She hated the woman who answered Derek's phone the one night she wanted to call him. She hated her latent insecurity and stupid pregnant hormones that caused her to assume the worst and not trust him. She hated the President for offering him the job. She hated Derek for taking it. But most of all she hated herself for letting him. For practically slamming the door behind him on his way out.

"Hate what?" Derek asked.

She closed her eyes. She hated the man that drove the truck. She hated the men who took her. Who forced her to participate in terrible unethical experiments while she housed an innocent life inside her.

She hated his stupid boy penis, his stupid Mcdreamy hair, those deep blue eyes that she fell for every time.

"Mer-"

She cupped his face, pulling his lips to hers. She hated him, _and_ she loved him. Her tongue begged entrance, pushing past his teeth as he gasped. He stumbled back from the force of her desire, his back now against the trailer door.

His hands landed on her hips and she ground against him. Her lips enveloped his and her tongue lavished him.

"Mm," he said as she let him come up for air. Derek stared at her, aroused and mystified.

Damn it, she _needed_ him. "Inside" she rasped, kissing his jawline.

He blinked, lost, but she continued to press against him, needling him with kisses. He fumbled for the latch. They fell in, scrabbling for balance in the confined space. Meredith tore at his windbreaker, unzipping it and sliding it down his shoulders, her lips still caressing every inch of exposed skin. "Meredith, what-" he started.

"Shut up," she panted, pulling off his T-shirt. His nipples puckered and his bare chest tantalized her. She pushed him against the counter and his head banged against the cupboard, but she paid no mind. She licked him. His scars. His nipples. The small indent between his pectorals.

His erection bulged in his pants.

She didn't bother waiting for the brainless brainman to keep up with her. Her jacket joined his on the floor, followed by her own shirt, exposing her black bra. Pressing against him, one hand traveled south, her fingers sliding under his boxers while the other hand reached behind his head, getting caught in luscious curls as she pushed him toward her.

"Mer-"

"Don't." Meredith had wanted to jump him since this morning. Since she'd woken up and found him next to her. Because only he could take it away. The pain, the hate, the blame, all of it. But she had to do it her way. "Just... let me-"

She cupped him and he let out a discombobulated sigh which she trapped in her mouth. His hands found her hips and he jerked against her.

His fingers rose higher on the exposed skin of her back, and he unclasped her bra, pulling the shoulder straps down her arms. "Oh," she responded as she let him love her there.

Tilting her head back, exposing her neck, she let him taste her. His lips on her flesh only heightened her need for him.

She hated him. But she needed him.

Meredith pulled him away from the counter and pushed him toward the bed, her lips crashing against his. He fell on the bed and she landed on top, unbottoning his pants as she did so. Panting with need and desire, Derek did the same. Now they were both naked, skin on skin, lips on lips, grinding in that familiar rythmn. She cupped him again, biting her lip when he gasped, and she stroked him.

His thumbs caressed her inner thigh, pressing into that sensitive part between her legs and she shuddered, but she batted him away.

Her way, she had to do it her way.

She pulled on his slick manhood and he groaned. She was ready. She'd been ready since she kissed him the first time. She needed _him_ to be ready. She pressed against him, his erection hot and throbbing against her belly. She traced the line down his chest, and then pushed him flat on the bed.

Derek looked up at her, a swirl of emotions in his bottomless blues. "What are you doing?" he asked.

She stroked him, enjoying his velvet softness, "Taking you," she said as she aligned herself with him and- "Ohh," she moaned. He was in her. Connected with her. One with her. And the scars didn't matter this time.

Now she could hardly restrain herself. She drove the pace as she rocked him. Head back, she closed her eyes and traced a wet finger over her own breast.

"God, Meredith..." Derek panted as she drove him. Controlling his thrusts, she bent down and kissed his ear while he sucked her nipple. A warm tingling sensation spread through her. Her body flushed. She pressed him into her further. Harder, faster.

"Now?" She asked. He was on the verge, she could tell by his hooded gaze, his short panting breaths. His open mouth as he gazed at her with lust.

"What are you-? He started to ask, but she plunged her mouth on his. "Mmm," he moaned through her.

He twinged inside her. I was only a matter of time. She would take him. Leaning back again, she took his hand and guided it to her core, his thumb knew what to do. She increased the pace while flexing her vaginal muscles around his shaft. She cried out as his thumb massaged her, bringing her to the cusp.

"Mer," Derek gasped suddenly, "Oh fuck, Mer," he panted. His hands went to her hips as he tried to take control.

Bereft of her pleasure, she pushed his hands away. "Let me," she nearly growled. She ground against him in her best figure-eight method. She squeezed.

"Meredith!" Derek barked as he came. Heat flooded her as he pulsed inside. "Oh..."

"Hmm" she breathed as she collapsed into his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and turned sideways on the bed. When his lips pressed against hers she moaned. "Oh..." she gasped when his fingers found her swollen clit. She couldn't help but grind against his fingers, desperate for release. "Derek, please..." she whimpered, a hot coil of sensation winding in her. "Take me."

And he did. His nimble surgeon fingers worked in her folds while he lavished her breasts with his lips. With every lick, every stroke, she rose higher and higher. Her breath hitched, her body tensed, and then she was falling, an orgasmic quivering mess as the world skittered to a stop.

"Derek," she sighed in the aftermath of her release. She pulled him close to her, resting her chin on his shoulder, as the familiar feeling of love and safety hugged her. Hating him was exhausting. Wrapped in his arms, feeling so safe. She couldn't do it anymore.

Now if she could figure out how to stop hating herself.

 **A/N:** The plot thickens...


	7. I'd shake your hand, but

**A/N:** Slowly chipping away at this! Thanks my wonderful fans for your support!

 **Enjoy! Warning: Depictions of Violence.**

 **Two Years Ago:**

" _Derek?" Meredith wandered the quiet halls of the NIH. "Hello?"_

 _Why was she doing this? This was crazy. She felt awful, searching for the man she loved at his workplace, to confront him... to yell, scold, cry... beg for him to tell her the truth. Who was that woman on the phone? Why didn't she say anything? Why wouldn't he return her calls? She only called him like, seventeen times..._

" _Helloo..." she hollered, her voice echoing the hallways. It was pretty dark, most of the offices were closed by now. But there was a room open up ahead... actually it was one of the labs Derek's research team used. Meredith sighed a breath of relief. This was it, he was probably in there. Muffled voices from said room indicated she was not alone. Quickening her step, she summoned all her courage. There was so much she needed to tell him. So much on the line._

" _Derek," she breathed as she caught the doorframe, peering in._

 _Sudden movement behind the microscopes caught her attention, "It's me-" she said, trying not to startle him._

" _Who?" a voice asked. Not Derek's voice._

 _Meredith stepped closer inside to see who was speaking, but there was nothing but muffled noises coming from the back. "Oh- uh- is Derek Shepherd here? Dr. Shepherd- I'm his-"_

" _-You must be the wife." The man said quickly. "He's not here... he left..."_

 _Meredith rolled her eyes. Then where the hell was he? She moved around a couple of tables to get closer. "Well do you know where he went? I've been looking everywh-" the words were cut off as her gaze registered two seemingly unrelated things._

 _One. Derek's phone and keys on the black-topped lab table beside a microscope. And Two. Sticky bright red blood on the very edge of her sneakers. "Wha-"_

 _Unconsciously, her gaze followed the bloody trail along the floor, to two sets of feet, one set firmly planted on the ground, in black leather workboots. Her gaze traveled up the black trousers, black sweater and black gloves holding a very sharp military like knife inside the chest of a woman, who was the owner of the second set of feet, encased by simple two-inch black pumps. Her ensemble contained a black skirt, burgundy blouse, and a white labcoat, stained with blood-red splotches like tye-dye._

" _Well, see... this I did not factor into my equation," the man said as he hefted the woman in his arms. She gurgled in response to his movements, and her eyes fluttered open long enough to register Meredith's presence. Her mouth moved and her hands scrabbled to the knife in her chest, but he batted them away. "Uh-uh."_

 _God, she was still alive? "What- what're you-?" Her mind was still reeling, in shock. If this man hurt this woman... Did he do something to Derek?_

 _And then she thought she heard something, and the man jerked, dropping the woman and clutching his shoulder. Another noise, but the man ducked, and then steamrolled past her, knocking her over._

 _There was a scuffle, voices, one harsh and demanding, female. The others... more compliant..._

 _Meredith ignored them, crawling to the woman on the floor. She was reaching for the knife again._

" _No," she said, her hands now clawing at the woman's side as she pulled herself up to examine the wound. "Don't touch it, don't move the knife." Meredith's hands hovered over the woman as her mind raced... Crap crap crap. What to do... what to do? The woman stared... her eyes haunted and sad. She knew this was the end. "You're going to be fine..." Meredith said. "I'm a doctor," she swallowed, noticing the woman's name badge, "And you're going to be fine, Renee."_

 _The woman shook her head, staring at Meredith with surprising clarity. One of her bloody hands clutched Meredith's in mid-air, her palm slick and warm from the blood. "M'srry," she grunted, closing her eyes._

" _No, no," Meredith pressed down to try and stop the bleeding,"No!" It was pointless, but she began compressions anyway, feeling the sponginess of the chest wall as blood spread internally under the skin._

 _And then she was being pulled off. Off and away from the still warm body. "Derek..." she called, hoping it was him but knowing it wasn't. Derek wouldn't be so rough with her._

 _The rest was a blur. People were talking, and she was being taken somewhere. Was it the police? She didn't know... she couldn't tell. Nausea clenched her gut, and suddenly she was in an elevator, going down..._

 _She puked. Hurled cheap airplane food and practically a litre of liquid on the smooth gray floor. No one said or did anything about it. "What's happening?" she cried out. "What's going on? Where are you taking me?"_

 _The door opened. A hallway. They went left. Then right. Left again. Into a small room with a table and chairs. The door closed and she was left alone._

 _Alone, confused and terrified, Meredith became a tight ball in the corner. Time passed. She didn't know how long it was before the door opened. "Derek?" She asked, looking up expectantly. He was here to take her home right? And she'd forgive him for being a brainless brainman and this would all go away, right?_

 _Wrong. It was a brunette in stilhetto's and black leotard, wearing a dark gray skirt and matching blouse. Although she looked young, her forest green eyes were cold and deadly._

" _Thirsty?" A bottle of water was proffered._

 _Meredith shook her head. All she wanted was Derek. "Where's Derek? Where's my husband? Who are y-"_

" _Shush," the woman interrupted, and somehow that stopped her. She cracked open the bottle of water and crouched to meet her eye to eye, "Water first. Answers later."_

 _Meredith swiped the bottle from her and took two sips. Angrily crunching it, she shoved the blood stained bottle back into the woman's hands. "What. The hell. Is going. On?"_

" _Sassy are we?" came the reply. Meredith wanted to jump up right then and punch the bitch in the face, but she couldn't will her body to work. "I'm sorry you had to see that..." the woman said. "That was sloppy... and gross," she made a face. She sat down and put the water bottle on the table, holding it with two fingers when she saw the blood stains Meredith left on it._

 _Her disgust caused Meredith to look at herself. Blood was smeared over her purple blouse, all over her palms, between her fingers... she gagged. You'd think... being a surgeon would have protected her from such a reflex... But this was a murder. Cold blooded outright murder._

" _I know, right? Stabbing people..." she shook her head... "So disgusting. I prefer this," she held up a sleek handgun, equipped with a silencer of some sort. With a flourish she pointed it at Meredith, squinted one eye like she was aiming for her head and whispered, 'Bang!' bringing the nozzle back up to blow away pretend smoke. "Right? Through and through. Neat. Clean." She sighed, "But the people I work for... they like to mess around. It's how they get what they want."_

" _People you work for?" Meredith rasped. What people did this? What was this? The mob? Some secret society?_

" _Sorry, I should introduce myself," she placed a hand on her chest, "Call me Minnick. I'd shake your hand... but..." She pointed at Meredith's blood-splotched hands and shrugged. "And your name again?"_

 **Now:**

"Meredith?" Derek's voice pulled Meredith out of her trance as she stared out at the water. The breeze from the moving Ferryboat cooled her flushed face, and the saltwater tinged her lips. "Hey," he pecked her on the temple. "You okay?"

She smiled, ran a hand down his chest. "Yeah... I'm-I'm good."

Derek's warm hand caressed her cheek. "Oh, Mere-"

"I am," she caught his hand in hers and kissed it, "good."

"Mmm," he rumbled. She knew he didn't believe her, but was making an effort not to show that, and she appreciated it.

They were on the way to Alex's to make the big announcement about her return. She wanted to do it on neutral territory, where she could leave anytime. Derek had grumbled, but when she told him how she missed the Ferryboats, he agreed.

Now here they were.

Bailey's laughter brought her back to the present moment, and her little boy crashed into her leg, giggling as he tried to get away from Zola as she chased him. "No..." he giggled. "No get me..." He bobbed and weaved, ducking now behind Derek as Zola tried to tag him.

A giggle of her own erupted from her lips as she watched her kids dash to and fro...happy, exuberant. "Be careful guys..."

She touched Derek's arm. "I'll be back. Bathroom."

"Okay," he replied.

She tucked her hands into her felt jacket pockets and strolled to the main cabin. Pushing open the woman's restroom door she headed for a stall. When she was done her business she opened the door and walked to the sink, bending to wash her hands.

The water was warm on her cool hands, and after she lathered and rinsed, she looked up, in search of a towel.

"Looking for something?"

Her voice stopped Meredith cold. In the mirror, Minnick's reflection behind her was menacing, even as she offered the paper towel.

"So..." Minnick continued, "What _are_ you going to tell them, huh?"

Meredith's blood ran cold at the sight of the green eyed bitch. She couldn't think, couldn't breathe.

"Oh, and guess what? I got a job...At Grey-Sloan!" Minnick clapped and giggled. "Isn't that great? We'll be co-workers!"

 **A/N:** Well some answers... but more questions! Oh man!


	8. Tapping into your Inner Mama Bear

**A/N:** Wow! You were all really surprised by my little evil brunette villain huh? I do like twists and this won't be the first… So glad I finally have time to post this next update. I work too much, sleep too little sometimes… ugh. But writing keeps me going!

Thanks so much to Beetleboo52, Mckennaa, Patsy, MerDer2015, mandyg67, Soccergreys101, Melanie, luciebean, Carla, and three Guests! You guys keep the writers flame going!

 **FYI:** To those who frequent my stories often, I will be updating my profile when I start working on a story, so if you're missing me, feel free to check that out. Also, I have an extensive greys favorites list as I have spent a lot of time browsing the Archive so if you are in withdrawal check out some of those stories, I selected the ones I thought were excellent. There are several there that I have read dozens of times.

 **Onward!**

 _Two years ago:_

" _And your name again?" Minnick asked._

 _Meredith opened her mouth, but decided not to say anymore. She closed it and shook her head. "What do you want from me?" she asked instead. What was going on here? Why were they treating her like a prisoner?_

 _Minnick rolled her eyes, "Oh I really have to do everything myself," she muttered, reaching for Meredith's purse. Where did that come from? Meredith wondered. She had completely forgotten about it. "Mm, let's see here…" The younger brunette rummaged through it. Random objects spilled out, moisturiser, lip gloss, mascara. A pad of post-its and a pen, tampons…_

" _Oh," Minnick's eyebrows shot up and she smiled widely when she saw a certain arrow shaped object. "Congratulations!" she said as she read the small print that said 'pregnant.'_

" _Stop," Meredith croaked. "Please."_

" _Who's the daddy?" Minnick dropped the pregnancy test haphazardly on the table._

" _Why does it matter?" Meredith deflected. She wouldn't tell them anything if she could help it. Confusion and shock muddled her thoughts. "Just tell me what you want." What should she do? Demand her rights? Ask for a Lawyer? Would it even work?_

 _Like a hyperactive child, Minnick had already lost interest in the pregnancy test and was going through her wallet. "Meredith Grey," she murmured, thumbing through her pocketbook and slipping out her driver's license. "Doctor Meredith Grey." Meredith's hospital ID badge was carefully examined. "It's nice, has a nice ring to it." She flipped her work badge out, and continued searching the wallet. "Awww, so cute! Are these your kids? Is the girl adopted? She's adorable!"_

 _Sudden protective rage consumed Meredith as she realized that this woman was getting too close… "Bitch!" she lunged, but Minnick was fast, and she was pinned to the wall before she knew what happened, Minnick's forearm pressed against her neck and it was hard to breathe. Angrily she dug her fingernails into her arm, but it was no use._

" _Uh-uh," the bitch chided. "Nice try. Props for tapping into your inner mama bear though."_

 _Meredith spat in her face. Minnick recoiled, one lone finger touching the gob of saliva that slowly creeped down her cheek. "Disgusting," her eyes flashed, and it looked like she was going to try something, but a sudden rap on the door pulled her attention elsewhere._

 _With both hands, Minnick shoved her against the wall with enough force that Meredith lost her balance and nearly fell. Her captor strode toward the door, but glanced warily over her shoulder at her before she left. Despite her fear, Meredith felt a small measure of triumph seeing that look from her. But when the door closed, she scrambled for her purse. Her phone, she had to find her phone…_

 _She tore through the contents of her purse, flipping it upside down even, but the phone was gone._

 _Adrenaline coursed through her. She could feel her heart's rapid-fire beat through her chest. She had to get out of here… she thought as she abandoned the purse and went for the door. But it was locked. "No… no no no…" she pulled on the doorknob and banged on the window. She just wanted her husband. She just wanted to feel safe. She just wanted to wake up._

 _The door swung open and a man entered this time, a squeaky oxygen tank trailing him. He smelled faintly of stale cigars and cigarettes._

" _So…" the man said, his voice raspy and hoarse. "You're a doctor."_

" _So?" Meredith asked. "Look, I don't know what's going on… but I know what I saw. Are you like the CIA or something? I won't say anything. I'll pretend I didn't see anything. I didn't see anything okay? I'll sign a confidentiality agreement or whatever. Or maybe you need a witness… I'll testify, I'll tell them anything you want. Just please… I need to see my husband. I need to-," Fix things. Tell him I'm pregnant, tell him I need him… Meredith thought as she stared at the creepy old man and prayed._

" _Hm," he murmured as he sat down and crossed his legs. "It's unfortunate you saw what you saw. You weren't supposed to see that. We've been having trouble with…" the oxygen hissed as he breathed loudly. "Rogue agents."_

 _Meredith had just about enough of this, "I'm gonna ask you again, what do you want from me?"_

 _The man's eyes glinted with some sort of twisted amusement. "What do you know about gene therapy?"_

 _Replacing crappy genes with good ones? "Absolutely nothing," she said. "I'm a surgeon."_

" _That'll do. You'll do. As of today, we're short a doctor."_

" _Wait, what do you mean?" Meredith asked. "What are you talking about? I have a job. I live in Seattle, I have kids…"_

 _The oxygen tank hissed as the man wheezed. "That's no longer relevant. We can't release you now."_

" _What do you mean… release? I'm not a prisoner. I didn't do anything wrong. You can't keep me here. You know what? I want a lawyer. Or the cops." Meredith's gaze fell to the mirror in front of her. It was obvious now that it was a two-way mirror. "Hey!" she yelled. "You hear that? You can't keep me here! This is illegal! I don't care who you work for… you can't do this!"_

 _The man steepled his fingers and chuckled, which turned into a cough. Meredith stared at him, her arm wrapped around her waist, and a hand on her chest. She hoped he choked and died right there. "I'm not helping you. I refuse. I'm not lifting a finger for you, not for any reason."_

" _Oh, you will," He rasped as he stood up. "Call the cleaners in Seattle. Find her husband… Shepherd? Yes, Shepherd, and set up the video feed."_

 **Now:**

Time seemed to slow down as her fist connected with her adversary's jaw and she saw with disturbing clarity, the little glob of pink spittle that flew from Minnick's lip. The pain on her knuckles registered as an afterthought as her opponent stumbled back, crashing into the bathroom stall door.

"Ouch," Minnick groaned, touching her lip. "Good one, Grey. Totally didn't expect that."

Meredith panted, her heart racing with fear and panic, but she remained frozen to the spot, unable to move. She hadn't fought anyone since high school and that was nothing like this.

Minnick lunged forward, her strong hands grabbed Meredith's upper arms and she was pulled down just as a knee shot upward, the blow to her diaphragm like a cannonball. "Ohhh," Meredith groaned, collapsing on her knees clutching her abdomen.

"Okay," Minnick dusted off her hands, "Now that we're even…"

"Even?" Meredith sucked in air as she pulled herself up. She glared at Minnick viciously. "We are far from even. Why don't I almost kill your husband and steal your baby, and then we'll call it even," she said through gritted teeth.

"Touché." Minnick conceded flippantly, which only pissed her off. She should've punched her harder.

Meredith started for Minnick again, but the long barrel of her white Sig Sauer handgun found it's way under her chin. "Hold on there, spitfire," Minnick threatened, "I'm pretty sure you don't have a death wish."

The door swung open and a young woman entered with two toddlers in tow. Minnick slipped her weapon into her jacket holster, but remained dangerously close to Meredith, gripping her elbow like a vice. "Listen up," she whispered into her ear, "Tell your friends whatever you want about the last two years, but if they start sniffing around, you know what we're capable of." Minnick reached into her jacket pocket again and Meredith flinched. But instead of a gun, there was a picture.

"That's…?" Meredith asked, reaching for it.

"Baby Ellis? Yes." Minnick pulled the picture away, like a bully withholding a toy dangling it in front of their victim.

"Oh…" Meredith sighed and leaned against the wall to steady herself. It had been three weeks since she'd seen her, but it felt like a lifetime. Suddenly she didn't care about Minnick or her gun. Her baby, that was all that mattered. "Where is she? Is she okay?"

"I can't tell you that. But she's fine." This time Minnick angled the picture back toward her so she could see.

Meredith nodded, staring at the picture. Her daughter smiled mischievously back at her, her face covered in what looked like jello, one hand clutching a spoon while the other reached toward the camera.

"Keep the picture," Minnick said, turning her attention to the mirror where she examined the slow-forming bruise on her face. "I'm watching you, Grey. One call is all it takes."

Meredith clutched the picture. "I'll find her. I'll get her back." This time she was the one behind Minnick. "You can't keep her away from me forever."

Minnick grinned wolfishly, causing her split lip to crack a little wider. The small line of blood on her lower lip made her seem even more evil. "You can try," Minnick said, as she pulled open the restroom door and left, leaving Meredith to stare at herself in the mirror, her shaking hand clutching the picture.

xxx

"Where's mommy?" Zola asked, taking Derek's attention away from the Seattle skyline that glistened in the distance. _Hm,_ he thought, _she should be back by now…._

Derek looked at his watch. It had been ten minutes since she left him. He suddenly felt uneasy. What could possibly be keeping her? She wasn't trying to run away now, was she? A sudden eruption of doubt filled him and he honestly wasn't sure about anything. The Ferry would be docking soon, he had to find her.

"She went to the washroom, sweetheart," he said. "But let's go find her, okay?" He took Zola's hand, and she took her brother's and the three of them walked to the main deck where the washrooms were.

He was about to knock on the door of the women's restroom when she emerged, her face tense and her eyes wary. But her expression softened as soon as she saw Zola and Bailey, and her son shook his hand away from his sister's and ran to her. "Mommy!"

"Mom!" Zola chimed in, following her brother's lead and wrapping her arms around her mother's waist.

"Oh," Meredith said, crouching to encase both in her arms. "It's okay. I'm not going anywhere. It's okay."

"Everything alright?" Derek asked. Her face was flushed, like she'd been crying, and even while she hugged her children, her eyes darted about nervously.

"Just… nervous, you know." Meredith said. "I'm… It's been two years. I don't…" she trailed off and shrugged. "Can we go wait in the car?"

"Sure." Derek said, feeling her fear, but not understanding it. Something happened, it was more than just nerves. He just wanted her to confide in him.

Meredith kept her children close to her as they took the steep stairs down to the lower parking deck. After helping Bailey into his booster seat, she took her own seat beside him. Derek settled in too, but felt helpless. His wife… she just seemed… so broken, and he wanted to fix it, but he didn't know how. He reached and took her hand, squeezing it. Her fingers wrapped lightly around his, but she didn't squeeze back.

"Mere?" he asked.

"I'm fine." She said, staring out the window. She let out a long shaky breath before pressing the lock button on the passenger side while she peered into the passenger side mirror, like she was scared, like she was looking for someone.

"Something happen?" he asked.

"No," Meredith wiped her nose with her free hand, but he noticed… why were her fingers red like that?

"What happened to your hand?" he grabbed the tips of her fingers, her knuckles were bruised. He'd seen marks like this before, but never on his wife.

"Oh- I-," she shook her head. "Nothing. I was mad. I punched something." She yanked her hand back and tucked her fingers into her sleeve.

"You punched something," he repeated, nodding slowly. "What did you punch?"

Meredith shook her head. "A wall, okay? Can you just lay off?" she snapped.

"Meredith-," Derek started, concerned. Frankly he was scared. Her behavior of late was so erratic. Was it PTSD? Was she having flashbacks? He wished she would just talk to him, instead of trying to lose herself in him with sex or punching walls.

"You punched a wall?" Zola asked from the back seat. "Why did you punch a wall?"

Derek waited for her to answer. Meredith might not answer him, but he doubted she would ignore her kids.

She pulled her hand from his to cover her bruised fingers. "I was just mad, and I didn't want to hurt anybody so I hit the wall instead," she said finally.

"But why were you mad?" Bailey asked.

There was a thud as the ferry docked, all around them, cars were starting. Derek started the ignition and waited for the car in front to move.

"Mom?" Bailey prompted.

"I was mad…" Meredith's voice was hoarse, almost a whisper, "because I was away from you for so long. I was mad that I let that happen."

There was a long silence. The car in front began moving and Derek followed, softly hitting the gas pedal as he maneuvered out of the ferry. From the corner of his eye, he saw her wrap her arms around herself as she stared out the window.

"It's okay mom," Zola said after a while. "You don't have to be mad anymore."

"Okay," Meredith choked. "I'll try."

Derek didn't know what to think or how to help her. He swallowed back the lump in his throat and reached again for her hand, but she pulled it away, turning her torso to the door. Sighing, his hand rested on her thigh instead.

Sooner or later, she would open up. He hoped it would be sooner.

 **A/N:** Thanks everyone for reading! Please review!


	9. I'm Still Here, Okay?

**A/N:** Here we go again! I spent a week on the rough draft of this story, only to accidently delete it! Argh!

Anyway, glad you liked last chap. Always wanted to write Mere punching somebody… Boy, the death wishes on Minnick… Thanks beetleboo52, Greysfannn, Soccergreys101, izgreysfan, Patsy, MerDer2015 and Carla for your comments, and all the awesome people fav and following this fic!

 **Enjoy!**

"We're here," Derek said, pulling the car up across the street from that familiar old house. "Mere," he squeezed her thigh.

"I know," she sighed, rubbing her knees and swallowing.

"It's-," Derek stopped. He was going to say _it's going to be okay._ But maybe that wasn't what she needed to hear. He tightened his grip on the steering wheel and then released it, sliding his hands up to rest his chin on his knuckles.

"I…" he stammered, and Meredith's watery green eyes caught his.

 _I love you._

"I didn't realize until you were gone… how much-," he choked, "I needed you. _We_ needed you. I didn't know how much you meant to me until…" she was gone without a trace, vanished. Old feelings crept up on him, abandonment, loneliness. The pain of longing and worry and powerlessness after the accident. He stuffed them away for the moment. "Meredith, you're _everything,_ " he stated, even though she shook her head. He meant it. She was.

Everything.

"No matter what happens, no matter what anyone says or does, I'm still here okay?" he reached for her hand, took it, and squeezed. "You can do this. We'll do this."

"Okay," she sniffed, wiping the tiny silver streak down her cheek, "Okay."

He nodded, and then looked in the rearview mirror, at Bailey and Zola in the back seat. "Okay guys, let's go have supper."

The kids hopped out of their booster seats with ease, and he helped them down. Meredith's left hand slid into his right as he reached for Bailey, and on the other side, even independent Zola tucked her hand into her mother's before they crossed the street as one unit.

Bailey rang the doorbell like he always did when they came over, and they waited. Everyone he'd invited was already here, Callie, Bailey, Richard, Owen and Amelia, Maggie, and of course Alex and Jo. But no one except for Maggie knew that Meredith was here.

There was a tense moment, Meredith stiffened beside him when he heard someone coming to the door. Derek tried to think of what to say, but couldn't come up with something that wasn't corny.

So he just sighed with her, trying to counter her anxiety with a calmness that he forced on himself.

 _It'll be okay._

A shadow darkened the glass front door and then it swung wide open, revealing a smiling sister-in-law, Maggie.

"Hey," she said. "You came…"

"Yeah," he almost yelped with relief. Thank God she was here to help break the ice.

"I haven't told anyone yet," she said quietly, "I didn't know wha-"

"Auntie Maggie!" Zola's tiny arms wrapped around Maggie's waist. "Mommy came back!"

"Yes," she said, smiling up at Meredith, eyes glistening. "She has."

"Hmm," Derek hummed, and his wife's hand squeezed his even harder.

They stepped in, Bailey and Zola pulling ahead, Derek a step behind. Meredith shyly trailed them. Maggie bent down to the kids, "Why don't you find Uncle Alex? I'm sure he'd love to see your mommy."

"Yeah!" Bailey pumped a fist. "C'mon!" and the two of them bounded down the hall.

Derek watched them go, smiling at their excitement. It _was_ going to be okay.

"Hey," another voice, Jo, called from the living room. "Can I get you something to-,"

' _Crash!'_ The sound of glass on the hardwood floor startled him. Jo stood in the hall, gaping, a shattered wine glass at her feet. "Ohmygod," she gasped. "Dr. Grey, you- you're alive."

Xxx

Two years ago.

" _Hey, oh God. Hey, you're alive."_

 _He woke to a brown and white blur. What happened? He thought. He'd been driving an airport rental home… thinking… thinking about Meredith. How to fix it. Because… he'd seriously messed up._

 _Royally fucked up._

 _He'd chatted with Renee, got to know her a little. They'd commiserated on the reasons for being here in DC._

" _My sister has autism… I guess I've always wondered what she was thinking." Renee said._

" _It only takes one," Derek replied, smiling._

 _For him, it was Meredith. She was the one. The reason. Alzheimer's ran in her genes. And… he wanted to… figure out what to do about it._

 _He was interested in Renee's work, how it related in context to the overall picture, and had begun to spend time alone with her to further develop this concept…_

 _He always used to discuss his work with Meredith. Before or after making love, they'd swap surgery stories in bed, discuss theories… solve problems. Hell, he'd drawn a tumor on the wall. And she was always just as excited as he was about these things._

 _He missed it. That connection to somebody that understood him._

 _So, he was standing over a microscope examining minute cells, discussing the problem at hand, and for a moment, just a moment, it was like he was in the OR, hovering over a brain, his lusty intern beside him in awe, waiting._

 _Meredith. That was all he could think about. And the next thing he knew, Renee was saying things and their lips touched, and-_

 _She wasn't Meredith._

 _In a terrifying panic, he flew to Seattle, leaving his phone and keys in his haste. As he tore down the road home, all he could think about was his wife. How he couldn't lose her, couldn't live without her. How she was everything to him. His whole world. And he'd forgotten that. When had he forgotten that?_

 _He never got to figure that part out._

" _Meredith…" he panted to Amy, who was hovering over his bed._

" _We um…" she stammered. "Apparently, she went to DC to see you," she said, squeezing his hand. He tried to squeeze back, and managed some kind of movement in his fingers. "We left some messages a few hours ago. I'm sure she's already on her way."_

" _Kay," he rasped in his drug induced haze before succumbing to the fog._

 _It felt like only minutes passed when he woke up again to his sister, who looked worried and glum. "Mere?" he asked again, though it sounded like 'murrrrrr'._

 _She shook her head. "We're still um, waiting to hear from her. I'm sure she's on her way. She's probably on the plane right now, which is why she's not answering her phone."_

" _Hmm," he breathed, feeling for the first time the dull throb of pain in his body. How did it hurt so much? "Kids?" he asked. He didn't want them to be worried. He wanted to make sure they were okay._

" _They're fine. Maggie's with them." Amy said quickly._

" _Mm," he managed a little nod in acknowledgement before his eyelids closed, and he couldn't open them again._

 _Sometime later, he awoke. It was quiet, the lights were dim. This time he felt less drugged. His senses were sharper, his mind a little less mushy._

 _He sighed loudly, still waking up, and took in his surroundings._

 _He knew instantly that he wasn't at Grey Sloan. The room was tiny, the equipment out of date, and the colors of the room were a dark pink, like the flesh of a grapefruit. It smelled different too. The gown was scratchy, and the skin around the incisions in his body prickled._

 _The heart monitor told him that he was indeed alive, with its steady ongoing rhythm, and the blood pressure cuff on his bicep squeezed and released with a hiss, measuring his systolic and diastolic pressure._

 _He breathed, and waited._

 _Any minute, Meredith would barge in. Worried, scared, upset. Or maybe she'd been here already while he was sleeping. Either way, he'd wait. He'd wait so he could reassure her that he was indeed okay._

" _What were you doing?" she'd ask from the foot of his bed, afraid to even touch him._

" _Coming home to you," he'd say._

 _Meredith would give him a little tight-lipped smile. "You scared me," she'd say, because this? Happening to him? Was one of her biggest fears. He knew that._

" _Don't be scared," he'd reply, and try one of his looks on her. The one that would melt her heart. "I'm here. I'm okay."_

 _And she would give in, and step to the side of the bed, lean over and kiss him. Softly, gently, like she didn't want to break him. And he'd move over a little, despite the flaring pain in his ribs, pat the side of the bed, inviting her to lay beside him._

 _And everything would be right with the world again._

 _He would kiss her cheek, inhale her soft lavender scent, clutch her smooth hand and promise never to be stupid again._

 _But his daydream never happened._

 _Derek waited for what felt like hours but was probably only a few minutes. He waited, staring out the window of the ICU, for the familiar frame of his wife to fill the doorway._

 _He waited._

 _But she never came._

 _The door opened and he blinked, but the person who appeared there wasn't his wife. It was a young red-haired doctor._

" _Dr. Shepherd," she said, smiling. "You're awake."_

" _Mmhm," he managed._

 _She walked up to the bed, and began checking monitors and recording his vitals. "I'm Dr. Blake," she said as she checked his incisions. "You were in a very serious accident, do you remember what happened?"_

 _He shook his head, he didn't really… he just remembered… "Meredith…" he whimpered. Did Dr. Blake know if she was here?"_

" _Meredith? Your wife?"_

" _She here?" he rasped._

" _I'm sorry," she replied, checking his pupils and holding a finger up for him to follow in a standard neuro check. "I haven't seen her."_

 _His mouth closed and he frowned. "Mm," he moaned._

" _How are you feeling Dr, Shepherd? Are you in any pain?"_

 _Derek's eyelids shuttered closed, like a ten pound weight landed on them. Sleep, his body said. "Hurts," he murmured. But he didn't know what hurt more, his broken body or his broken heart._

 _xxx_

Jo stood, a hand over mouth in shock as she tried to make sense of what or who, rather, she was seeing. "We thought- we- what- how-"

"Jo," Maggie hissed, "Go get Alex."

"I'm gonna go get Alex," she said, nodding.

"Meredith," Maggie looked over Derek's shoulder to his wife. "Are you- is this okay?"

She seemed to be in her own daydream as well, until Derek touched her, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her so their hips touched.

"I-I-I'm… I'll be okay." She managed with a croak.

"Okay." Maggie nodded. "When you're ready, Mere." She said.

Derek waited for her lead, and after a moment, she stepped in front of him toward the living room. No one noticed at first. Amy and Richard were in the corner closest to the kitchen. "He's kicking like crazy," Amy said. "I swear, as soon as he pops out, Owen's signing him up for soccer," she rubbed her bump affectionately over her dark blue maternity blouse, while Richard looked positively excited.

"I'm gonna check on the roast," Owen was already standing up, his back to them as he headed for the kitchen.

Bailey and Callie appeared to be in a deep discussion. "And I'm telling you-," Callie said, sipping her wine, "That your research is phenomenal. Curing diseases at the genetic level? That's like… like Star Trek stuff. Imagine curing a person of their disease before the symptoms even start? Bailey, this is incredible. You have to continue this… Oh, do a TED talk! I did one in San Fransisco once… and you know how I am with public speaking- but-,"

"It's not," Meredith blurted, interrupting the conversation.

"-It was amazing- I mean- Bailey?" Callie followed Bailey's gaze to the woman in the doorway of the living room. "M-Meredith?" she stuttered.

"It's not phenomenal," Meredith continued, "It's grueling and torturous research. And do you know all the side affects of changing your DNA at a cellular level? Do you even know what that can do to people?" she said, her voice shaky.

"Mere?" Amelia and Richard stood up abruptly at the sight of her.

Derek squeezed his wife's hand, wanting both to support her and get her to stop.

"I mean," she continued, "The inflammation alone-," she choked, "It's- I-,"

"What?" A voice said from the kitchen, Alex. "You're joking right? Jo, you don't joke about this stuff-," The kitchen door swung open with a bang, and Alex barged out, beer in hand. "Don't even-," He started to say before he froze, a deer in the headlights as he saw his best friend for the first time in two years. "Mere? What the hell? Mere!"

"I…" she ran out of steam, tears falling from her face as she tried not to sob. "Damn it, I wasn't going to cry. Can someone please shut me up and hug me already?"

 **A/N:** Awwww! Review? Yes? Please? With a cherry on top? A Mcdreamy sundae?


	10. Collateral Damage

**A/N:** You guys are amazing! Thank you so much for your kind comments and your readership! I will try not to disappoint! Thanks Patsy, izgreysfan, Soccergreys101, mckenna, mandyg67, MerDer2015, Melanie, Carla, zajaacLulu, and Juday…

I think this will answer quite a bit for you.

 **Enjoy!**

Everything was blurry through the tears that clouded her vision. Meredith struggled for breath, Alex and Callie's bone crushing hug forced it out of her, along with tears and snot as she cried into Alex's shoulder, soaking his nice button-up shirt. So much for trying not to cry.

"Oh," Callie hummed,"Oh Mi Dios…"

"Mere, you… I… oh…" Alex was speechless.

"Guys, the roast is-," Owen came back through the kitchen door, "done..." he trailed off. "Meredith? You-you're-,"

"Not dead?" She gasped over Alex's shoulder.

"Heh," Richard chuckled, his grin broad even as he blinked away a tear. Bailey swatted him and gave him a dirty look. "What?"

She felt a little woozy from the rush, and swayed.

Amelia, _pregnant_ Amelia, she noticed, got up from her seat. "Here, sit here," she offered, pointing to her chair.

"I… I," Meredith started, but Alex gently maneuvered her to the chair and sat her down. She caught her husbands eye. Derek had been leaning in the entrance to the living room as she'd had her reunion, his expression full of love and relief. She beckoned him over. And knight that he was, he came and wrapped his arm around her protectively.

The house smelled wonderful, it was warm, and her seat was very soft and comfortable. "I'm back," she said, "I'm home." She sighed, and her tummy gurgled, "Is dinner ready?"

xxx

Around the dinner table, everyone tried really hard to avoid the elephant in the room. Derek asked for an update on his patients, Maggie and Callie told her about a patient that fired Alex and chose them, Bailey and Webber talked about the progress of their residents, and Meredith asked Callie about Sofia, who eagerly informed her all about the little girl.

But finally, there was a lull in the conversation, and Meredith felt their eyes on her.

She glanced at Amelia as she sliced the roast, keen on avoiding discussing what happened to her, "So, you're having a baby," she exclaimed, smiling.

"Yeah," Amelia smiled back, her hand falling her bump. Truthfully, Meredith missed being pregnant. It was a strange feeling. With Bailey she couldn't wait till he came out. She didn't miss being pregnant with him at all. All the back aches, and the constant pressure on her bladder, and swollen feet… Nope. Didn't miss that. But with Ellis it was different. She didn't mind the symptoms so much the second time around… and well, If Ellis was still inside her, her baby was safe. "How-uh, how far along?" she asked, keeping the conversation going.

"Twenty-six weeks."

"Oh, that's uh… good," Meredith smiled. At twenty-six weeks, the baby was developing senses, and practicing breathing. "It's- I'm happy for you." She looked back down at her peas, but didn't miss Derek's frown as he squeezed her hand.

"Thank you." Amelia said, "It's good you're back."

Another awkward pause followed. and Meredith braced herself. This was it. "So," Amelia started, "Where did you go?"

Xxx

 _Two years ago:_

 _She'd shoved the table and knocked over the chairs and then put them all back as they were. She'd been stuck in that room for hours. She'd given up pounding on the door, banging on the windows…She'd given up pleading and crying and kicking._

 _Meredith shut down, she gave up. Instead, she sat on the floor, picking at the linoleum. Waiting._

 _A man in a coverall entered the room next, pulling behind him a projector and a tablet. "What's going on?" she asked, pushing herself up. He ignored her. "What is all this?"_

 _No answer. Technician man continued working, and the door opened again. Oxygen tank guy, she dubbed him. came The wheels of the portable O2 tank squeaked as he walked up to the table. A flutter of hope rallied against her dark and twisty. Was he going to let her go?_

" _Dr. Grey." He said in his gravelly voice. "You want to go home?"_

" _Yes," she said._

" _You want to be with… your family? Your… kids?" He wheezed._

 _She swallowed and managed a curt nod. Of course she did._

 _He plopped a file down on the table and slid it over to her._

" _What's… what's this?" She asked._

" _Read it."_

 _Meredith shook her head. Something in her told her not to read it. If she read… if she saw…_

" _I appreciate your reluctance," the man said, "So, I'll paraphrase what's in there for you. Genetic research. In this particular example… Hunter Syndrome."_

 _Hunter syndrome? It sounded vaguely familiar, like something she read in medical journals or studied in med school._

" _Marked by an increase in glycosaminoglycans," O2 Tank guy said, "Certain enzyme deficiencies… which cause physical deformities, some mental retardation, thickening of tissues such as the heart valve, and in many instances, affecting the brain. The symptoms start early enough, colds.., respiratory infections, abdominal hernias…"_

 _His list of symptoms led her to a disturbing picture in her mind. She remembered it now. A rare disease, mostly passed on genetically through the mother, "Okay. I get the picture." She waved her hand to stop him._

" _Leading to very a painful life and eventual death…" he continued._

" _You want my help with that? Fine. I own a hospital. A team of gifted doctors and surgeons at my beck and call. We can do the research. You mentioned Gene Therapy? We can start a clinical trial-,"_

" _-No."_

" _No?"_

" _I don't need your hospital. I don't even really need you. You… you're collateral damage."_

 _Collateral damage? Because she witnessed a murder? Who the fuck were these people?_

" _The problem is… you see, the direction we wish to go with this."_

" _I don't understand."_

" _We can cure diseases such as hunters Syndrome. It's within our grasp. Except…_

" _Except what?"_

 _The creepy man with his crappy whiny tank and disturbing glint in his eye reached for the folder and turned it over, revealing some photos. Meredith turned away. She couldn't look. "The government prohibits…" He wheezed, "Genetic testing on humans… but really, there's no other way to see if it will work."_

 _He flipped to a particular picture in the file and pushed it forward. This time, Meredith couldn't help herself. She looked, and cringed. "We treated this one… in utero, at 24 weeks, however… it backfired. Unfortunately… the subject did not survive. This is why researching… gene therapy is so controversial. The government is very stringent… but being so stringent can be so limiting, so time consuming. At the rate the FDA is moving… it'll be two generations before we can cure something._

" _What if we could rid… the world from blindness in less than two years? What if we… could eliminate Alzheimer's in five?_

 _Her head snapped up at the mention of her mother's disease. O2 man noticed. He sat down comfortably in the hard, plastic chair and steepled his fingers. "Ellis… your mother… Remarkable woman. Extraordinary doctor… It's unfortunate that in many cases Alzheimer's is genetic."_

 _Meredith couldn't help but look at the picture of the disfigured cyanotic baby. A dead baby. Right now, at this very moment, she was growing a baby. Her hand pressed into her belly._

" _Not only could we eliminate such disease…" The bastard wheezed, "We could also eliminate the potential for us to carry disease. As I understand it, you're pregnant."_

 _The temperature of the air in the room seemed to have dropped several degrees. Meredith wrapped her arms around herself. She felt cold and sick. "You're a monster," she choked. "I refuse to help you. Human testing for Genetic engineering has been banned, and there's damn good reasons for it. We weren't meant to play God."_

 _His eyes sparked. "Unfortunately, I see no other alternative. You know… too much. You've seen too… much."_

 _She thought about Derek, about black and white, right and wrong… and determined for herself that this was one of those black and white things… Experimenting on fetuses? No FDA approval? What kind of fucking mad scientist was this? "I… will not. Help you."_

" _We'll see," he said, and nodded to the technician while picking up his phone and dialling. "Did you find him?" he spoke into the receiver. "Good. Begin as… planned."_

 _Suddenly the lights dimmed. The technician tapped on the tablet and the projector turned on. Humming, it displayed a scene onto the blank wall behind her._

 _Meredith squinted and turned away from the bright light of the projector. What was happening.? She faced the screen and saw a video of Derek getting into a rental. Wait, was that Sea-Tac? "Derek?" She called out foolishly._

 _As if he could hear her._

" _He came… running back to you," the man almost chuckled. "Too bad you just didn't… stay home."_

" _He's got nothing to do with this! Why are you following him?" Her heartbeat rushed furiously, she could feel the blood pounding in her temple. Her world tilted on it's Axis._

 _Derek. He was her world._

" _I'd say he has… quite a lot to do with this." O2 tank guy stood up. He was tall, she realised. Probably six-three. She shrank down as he towered over her._

" _Derek!" She called again futilely to the screen. The truck following him was a tractor trailer. Derek's tiny sedan was dwarfed by it. Some kind feeling hit her, low in her gut. Danger. Danger-danger-danger. "Okay," she said, swallowing. Screw black and white… screw principles. She would be that person. A traitor. The person that gave up, gave in… if it would save the love of her life… she would do it. "Okay, you win. I'll do it, just don't-,"_

 _Her words were drowned out by a horrific terrible screaming 'crunch!'_

" _DEREK! NO! NO! NOOO!"_

xxx

"Meredith?"

She looked up from her near empty plate. Pushing a pea back and forth across it, she spoke softly, "I um…"

"I mean were you hurt?" Amelia questioned, "Were you kidnapped? The police in DC were useless," she stabbed at the potatoes. "Alex and Owen went down there to look, you know. Webber called everyone he knew, even Catherine Avery called in favors. I'm sorry, I know it's intrusive… it's just Derek… he woke up and you were gone. He was devastated. We were all devastated."

Devastated.

Yeah. Her too. She looked up from her shriveled pea, into the eyes of her friends and colleagues. People that had been there for her through life and death, ferryboat crashes, shootings, and falling planes. Miranda had been there when she woke up from drowning, Richard was practically her father, Alex, her best friend this side of the pond. Callie... Callie always helped her out with the kids, and always had her back as a surgeon. Owen… he was like a brother.

She didn't know Amelia that well, but she was Derek's sister so she was family.

Meredith didn't know what to say.

 _He came running back to you, too bad you just didn't stay home._

 _You're a monster._

 _Tell your friends whatever you want about the last two years, but if they start sniffing around, you know what we're capable of._

 _DEREK! NO!_

She had to tell them something though, they way they were looking at her.

"I wasn't hurt," she said, smiling hopefully. _Lie. Maybe not physically, but watching someone almost die is almost like the real thing._ "Nothing really happened." _Lie_. _You had a freaking secret baby, Meredith!_ "I just… I really can't talk about it." _Against my will, I played god with DNA._ Her grip loosed on the fork and she dropped it. She sighed, and looked up at her friends.

"Honey," Bailey said, "It's all right. We're just glad you came back to us, alive and well."

"Yeah," Callie agreed with her mouth full of asparagus.

"You couldn't call? Send a text? Give us a clue?" Amelia pressed.

"Amy-," Derek interrupted.

"Derek, you were a wreck after your accident, okay? I just- I- Has she told _you_ what happened at least?"

"Amy!"

Meredith got up, "Excuse me," she said, swallowing back the bile in her mouth. Ignoring everyone calling after her, she crossed into the living room, heading for the stairs. On a side table, she saw a cell phone resting there and grabbed it. There was something she needed to do. Her legs carried her quickly to the upstairs bathroom where she slammed the door and slid against it.

She stared at the phone. This was partly why she wanted to get off the land and into the city. She didn't have a phone. Her own phone. She barely had privacy between Derek and the kids, and if she was ever to be free of this whole mess she landed in, she needed to put her plan into action.

Stat.

Thankfully, the phone wasn't locked. The picture on the front screen was Jo and Alex, and it was obvious by the glitter cover that this was Jo's phone. Oh well, it would do.

"Meredith!" Derek called from the other side.

She reached up and locked the door. She'd have to do this quickly. If she looked at Derek right now, all she would see would be the hood of the semi-truck as it rammed into that tiny rental, and hear the sick crunch of metal- on metal.

"Meredith!" he called again, through the door.

"I'm fine." She said weakly, tapping the messaging app on the phone. "I just… ate too fast I think." _Lie_

"Mere…"

"Please…" she sniffed. "Please leave me alone," But he didn't leave, she heard him slide down on the other side of the door.

Okay, she thought… what was the number again? 2-0-2… she typed the rest in. It was a DC number.

"You punched someone," Derek said. Crap, she knew he saw through her lie. She didn't think he'd call her on it so soon. "I know you did. Is someone following you?"

Meredith sighed. Why wouldn't leave her alone? Thank god the door was locked. This might be the only chance she'd get for now.

"Okay," she admitted. "I punched someone," If she talked a little now, it would keep him from coming in.

In the text message box, she began to type in a long code. A thirteen digit number she wrote down only once, to get it in her head, but she could never forget it. There was only one other person who would know what it meant. 5 point 6, she typed. Ellis was five pounds, six ounces. 18, she typed. Her daughter was eighteen inches. 3, she typed. Ellis Alexandra Shepherd was born at 3 in the morning.

"Open the door," Derek called softly on the other side. "Talk to me."

"I _can't_." she said, not right now. Not yet.

January 17. A week early. It was so cold that day. She typed 01172016. Day, month, year.

She turned the phone on silent and waited for a response.

"Meredith," Derek pleaded.

She wanted to tell him so badly. Couldn't he just go away for a little while? Just for a minute?

The phone blinked, indicating a text message.

 _What's my nickname?_

It was part of the spy game they played. To further confirm identity.

 _Q,_ she typed back. _This is M._ James Bond references.

"I know you're scared. But we're together now…" Derek was saying through the door.

 _Did u make it home ok?_ Q asked.

 _Yeah. You?_ She texted back.

"Isn't that what matters? I can help you." Derek said while she was waiting for a response. She thunked her head softly against the door. Why did she feel like she was cheating?

But Q was her best hope.

 _I'm ok. Weird being on the outside now._ Meredith smiled, glad Q was free. She wished she had more time to chat but-

 _Minnick is here,_ she typed.

It was a few seconds before the next text, and she knew Q was pondering the next few moves. _That's crappy,_ came the reply. Her lingo had rubbed off on Q. _Still looking for Ellis, like I said I would,_ came the second reply.

 _I know. Can I send u a pic?_

 _Yes, please._

 _K, don't contact this # after. Not mine,_ she wrote. She'd check in again, in a couple days. Meredith slipped the picture of Ellis out of her pocket and stroked it with a finger before laying it on the floor and snapping a photo of it.

"I'm coming in, Mere," Derek burst her little bubble. "Are you going to open the door, or do I have to break in?"

Couldn't he just leave her alone for one damn minute? Her fingers flew across the screen as she uploaded the picture. Above her, the doorknob turned as he tried to open it. "Okay," he said, and she heard the scrape of the pin that he would use to jimmy the door open.

Her thumb hit send.

She grabbed the photo of Ellis and shoved it into her back pocket and stood up her ba, pushing against the door. One more thing…

Delete contact?

Yes. No one could no about Q right now. All messages were deleted. And then Derek pushed the door open enough for him to slip in. Meredith slipped her hand in her back pocket and stuck Jo's phone in the same pocket as the picture. She faced her husband, "I told you everything I could tell you" she snapped, stepping back to sit on the toilet seat.

Derek stared down at her, "You hit someone."

"It was an accident." What was she? Thirteen?

"You just don't _accidently_ punch someone." Derek pointed out. Meredith, you've been acting…"

"Paranoid? Freaked out? Scared? Of course I am. Because, I know things… I know things I'm not supposed to ever know about," she sighed, looking up at him. "I did… Derek, I did horrible awful things because loosing you would kill me. And then one day," she shrugged, "They gave me fifty bucks and a Greyhound ticket and sent me home."

"Who's 'they'?" Derek leaned against the door and crossed his arms.

Meredith shrugged. "I don't know. People with power, a lot of money and ambition." She'd never been given a particular name or company or organisation.

"We should go to the police."

She shook her head. "No, please, we can't." Please no. She knew Minnick had powerful connections. She had no doubt that she had access to the cops here.

"Why not?" Derek asked, his voice edgy, impatient. "We have nothing to lose." This was Derek, black and white. Right or wrong.

She stood up. In her mind, Meredith saw the semi-truck bearing down on him. She felt Minnick's gun against her neck. She felt the warmth of her children as they cuddled with her in bed. She felt Ellis' cute kisses, and heard her little giggles. "We have everything to lose, Derek," she said as she tried to step past him.

Nothing was black and white. And she… she was as gray as her name.

Derek grabbed her hips, stopping her. His open, vulnerable, questioning gaze bore into her.

"We can't, okay?" she just wanted him to stop. Didn't he get it? He was killing her with that look.

Meredith cupped his cheeks, pulled his head to hers and closed her eyes. She kissed him. A long, soft, pleading kiss, caressing the inner ridges of his lips, pushing past his teeth, stroking the velvet heat of his own tongue and running her own fire against the roof of his mouth.

She wouldn't say please anymore. She was done lying and omitting, so he had to stop asking. If she told Derek about Ellis, he would want to save her, but Minnick would find out and…

"Not yet Derek," she breathed against him as she stroked his chest. "I'll tell you. Just… not yet."

Caught off guard, she gently pushed past him and bolted into the hallway and down the stairs. Derek didn't follow. Not yet. Before going out the door, she quickly replaced Jo's phone back on the side table.

She stopped on the porch. The evening air was bracing, and she crossed her arms.

"Hey," Alex said from the swing. "Beer?" he offered his bottle. She took the bottle from his grip and wiped the top before taking a swig and sitting down beside her friend. Something about Alex's presence… just… the way he knew her. That she didn't have to protect her heart, or his heart for that matter, made her confess, "I'm a horrible wife," she said, staring at the bottle.

"What?"

"I didn't trust him."

"Who? Derek?"

She nodded. "And… Everything that happened to me," she stood up and paced, "It's complicated… and I can't tell him. I want to, but I can't cause he'll freak out and do something stupid and I'll lose-, I mean, it'll be bad. A freaking can of worms."

"Mere-,"

"I hate him!" She slammed the bottle against the deck railing. Beer splashed out onto her sleeve.

"You don't-,"

"Yes, I do." She did, but she could only hate someone that she loved.

"Okay, so you hate the guy, but the reunion sex was amazing, right?"

She blushed, thinking of the trailer, of Derek's lips and hands and…how he made her feel.

"Look, it was bad." Alex said, "Derek… It's a miracle he's back to work. Losing you? Not knowing where you were… calling hospitals and putting up posters and trying to get into the NIH so we could talk to people who might've seen you? All your friends calling us… even freaking Molly." He shrugged. "It was rough. We were all worried. Figured the worst, you know, that you'd been snatched off the street by some perverted psycho."

"I wasn't." she said, grateful she wasn't, but the D&T part of her wondered if maybe that would be better.

"I know… but it doesn't help when you don't say anything."

"I-," she protested.

"It's okay," Alex interrupted. "You don't have to explain yourself to me. I'm just giving you the other side. I know whatever happened to you was bad, but at least _you_ knew _we_ were okay… but for us?" Alex shrugged and took the bottle from her. "We were worried shitless." He sipped the brew. "Hell, I even called Izzie."

"You did?" Meredith peered out into the dark. Across the street, a car was parked, but the lights were on and it was running. She couldn't get Minnick out of her head. She couldn't get her baby out of her head.

"She didn't answer…" he shrugged. "But that's how worried I was."

"Meredith?" Derek appeared in the doorway, worried. "Are you coming back inside? Callie made some dessert thing."

Across the street, the car was gone. "Can you get the kids? I want to go home."

Her husband sighed. "I'll get them."

"Sorry." Meredith said to Alex. "I just… don't know what to say, and it makes me feel guilty," she sniffed.

"S'okay, you weren't hurt?"

She shook her head. "Not physically or… you know…" she shrugged. Except for having a baby. "Just…"

Alex pulled her into his bear hug. And for a second she melted into his strong fortress. It was like a pressure valve released, and for that very brief second… she felt like herself, and not the battered, paranoid, self-hating freak that she felt she was most of the time now.

She heard the door open, and Zola and Bailey's chatter as Derek shuffled them along to the car. "Thank you," she said to Alex.

"Sure Mere, anything you need."

"Actually," she caught Derek's gaze for a moment and nodded that she'd be right along. "I need you to do something for me."

xxx

 **A/N:** Holy crap. I'm falling asssssleep trying to edit it. But it's posted now! Yay! Review! And if you haven't read my fic **OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE** … you should. Wake me up with reviews?


	11. The Only Thing that Makes Sense is You

**A/N:** Oh man, life is very crazy right now, I want to work on **AFTR,** but really feeling this story... Thanks to my Review Masters, Carla, MerDer2015, JessieDixson, Patsy, and mandyg67.

 **Enjoy!**

"We're home." Derek said as they pulled up to the driveway. The car keys jangled in the ignition, and he flicked the headlights off, leaving the house shrouded in darkness. "Meredith?"

"Hm? Oh," Meredith shook her head, coming out of her daze. They'd said little on the way home, Derek no doubt upset about how she treated him earlier. This wasn't how it was supposed to work. She was supposed to tell him. She was supposed to trust him. He'd been hit by a truck because of her. Didn't he deserve to know?

But fear trumped love and trust in this instance. Fear for her child, and for Q. The thought that Minnick could be anywhere, could do anything to them, paralysed her with silence. What a mess she fell into. Meredith sighed and reached for the door handle.

"Wait," Derek touched her arm, stopping her. "Kids, why don't you go inside and put your pj's on? Mommy and daddy need to talk."

Meredith stared angrily at Derek. He wasn't going to let it go, was he?

"But I wanna bedtime story," Zola protested.

"We'll read you a story, just go get changed and brush your teeth. Help your brother. We'll be right in." Derek smiled and handed Zola the key, and Meredith forced a smile on her face to play along.

"Okay, c'mon Bailey…" Zola helped her brother out of the car and into the house.

Now they were alone. The tension was so thick. She heard Derek breathing beside her as he contemplated his next words. She rubbed her sweaty palms on her thighs. This sucked. Keeping secrets sucked. "What?" she asked finally, when she couldn't take it anymore.

"You kissed me," he said.

His remark caught her off guard. She was expecting begging and pleading. Mcdreamy looks, demands for explanations, not… that.

"You're my husband, I'm allowed to kiss you." Meredith replied, but couldn't help the defensive tone in her voice.

"You're manipulating me," he said softly, as if he just came to that conclusion.

What? No… "Derek," she started. That kiss in the bathroom, it was… a 'shut up' kiss. A plea… Because she was falling apart. He was tearing her apart.

"You were. And earlier, in the trailer," he concluded.

"In the trailer?" she repeated. The trailer sex? That was… she _needed_ him. Needed. She needed to heal, and that was the only way she knew how to.

"What was that?" He asked.

"I…" Meredith didn't know how to explain the nightmares, the blame, the guilt, the secrets. She couldn't explain the twistiness inside her, and how being with him, in that way… took it from her. Made her feel better, if only for a little while.

Now it was back, the dark and twisty, clawing at her insides.

Suddenly, she was pulled toward him. Derek's hands cupped her cheeks and his lips were on hers before she could even breathe or think.

Her husband shifted in his seat, pressing his body against her. She sighed her response. She couldn't move, her head went fuzzy as he pressed into her neck, his stubble breezing against her skin. Again, his lips touched smooth supple skin, begging access, his teeth grating, pulling. Fire sparked in her, and she clutched his biceps. With one hand, Derek undid the lower button of her jacket, and she felt his cool fingers slip under her shirt.

"Mm." Meredith pushed against him. Here? Now? She was so confused. This wasn't the-

His tongue delved deeper, stroking, lapping at the inside contours of her mouth, she tried to catch her breath. His hand slipped lower, she felt her belt loosen. "Der-," Meredith managed, but the seat suddenly reclined, and she fell back, her head knocking against the headrest. "What-," she gasped as his fingers slipped under her panties and grazed the cleft of her. What was he doing? she thought. They had to put the kids to bed, they had to- there was- "We-,"

His lips trapped hers again, and at the same time he parted her folds below and stroked. Sparks of sensation lit in her, and her body responded. "Ohh…" she moaned. God, she wanted him. Was he forgiving her? Is that what this meant?

But he wouldn't look at her.

His fingertips teased, and slid, and rubbed. "Derek, what are you-," Meredith panted. Something was off. "Huuuh," she sighed involuntarily. Her hips arched toward him as he wound her coil tighter and tighter. It felt so good...

 _Don't stop._

She ached for him.

But it didn't feel right. She saw his gaze, and it wasn't loving. "Derek, stop," she panted, squeezing his biceps.

Instantly, he pulled his hand out, his fingers shining, her panties wet. Derek pushed himself away from her as she tried to recombobulate her thoughts. He wiped his lips with his forearm.

"What was that?" she asked. Heat rose to her cheeks while she crossed her arms.

"That's how I feel," he said, and his gaze flicked to her and then down at his hands. "Since you arrived. I can't… Meredith, you…" he shook his head. "I just want to fix it… I want to fix it… but you won't let me. You don't trust me."

"Derek-,"

"I-I-I'm going to put the kids to bed," he said, and got out, slamming the door behind him.

Meredith trembled with anger and sexual frustration. She was so conflicted. What would happen if she told him? What would he do? Only a few years ago, when she'd been fired, and the whole fiasco with the Alzheimer's trial and Zola… he could barely stand to look at her.

 _What did you think was going to happen?_ He asked coldly.

 _I don't know if I can raise a child with you that doesn't know right from wrong._

 _So, you're saying I'm a bad mother?_

 _You've been saying it all along… I just…. I need some space._

"Dammit!" Meredith yelled, pounding the dashboard. "Dammit!"

xxx

Two years ago:

" _Derek! No! No! No…."_

 _The truck crushed the tiny sedan on the rear driver's side and the car spun and flipped, once, twice, three times, before landing on its tires. Meredith's gut churned and she ran to the wall. "Derek…" she called. She couldn't see him as she had stepped in front of the projector, and therefore it was her shadow that covered Derek's position. She shook her head in denial. No… no, no. This was not happening._

 _This was not happening to her._

 _But it did._

 _Oxygen tank guy pushed her back into a chair so she was witness to the smoking mess, and as she sat there in stunned shock, eyes glued to the screen, he left her alone_

 _All she could do was watch. And snivel. And pray. Please. Please, please please…_

 _Do. Not. Die._

 _After a moment, the truck driver got out and walked to the smoking wreck that was her husband's rental. With a crowbar, he smashed the driver's side window and reached in. Was he checking for a pulse? Stealing money? She couldn't tell._

" _Derek, I'm sorry…" she warbled… she didn't even know what she was sorry for. Bargaining, she was bargaining._

 _Her whole relationship with Derek was flashing before her eyes. The time she jumped him in the elevator, getting caught by Bailey with her pants down…_

 _Telling him about her mother._

 _The wife._

 _The cheesy cheesecake speech in the scrub room._

 _Heartbreak._

 _Hope…_

 _And everything that made them, Them. All the in betweens and ups and downs… somehow, she'd ended up being his._

 _He knew he loved her before she did. How was this possible? Somehow, he saw through her dark and twisty…Somehow, he saw her. And they made it. Despite all her fears and insecurities, they were still together. Through drownings and shootings and plane crashes… through loss…_

 _They still made it._

 _Do. Not. Die._

 _The truck driver was talking on his phone. Who was he calling?_

" _Derek…" she breathed._

 _She felt like she should scream and shake and tear the room apart._

 _She felt like she should just curl into a ball and cry and cry and cry…_

 _Meredith swallowed and slowly pushed herself off the chair to the wall again. This time, she made sure to not block the projector. Instead, she stepped to the side, and stretched her left arm against the wall, touching the spot where the smoking crumpled mess of a rental sat. As if she was somehow transferring strength to him._

 _Do. Not. Die_

 _She didn't know how much time had passed before she saw movement flickering on the image displayed on the back of her hand._

 _Firemen. Paramedics. The jaws of life._

 _Derek's bloody body was removed from the wreckage. She watched as they put him on a backboard, bagged him, covered him in bandages, and carted him off-screen._

" _Oh…" she whimpered, before turning around and sliding down against the wall._

 _He was alive!_

" _Well, look at that…" Minnick said, entering the room smugly. "He's alive. For now."_

 _Meredith looked at the brunette through blurry eyes. "You wouldn't…"_

 _Her nemesis shrugged. "We could. If we wanted to. But we won't have to now, will we?"_

" _I said I would help you! You didn't have to-," she gestured uselessly at the wall. "What kind of blackmail is this?" Meredith asked. She wanted to stand up, she wanted to lunge at this… monster… but her legs were jelly, and she felt like she'd been gutted. "Why should I help you now?"_

 _Minnick raised an eyebrow. "Grey, we just took out your husband. You really want to go there? What about your kids? They're with your sister now, aren't they?"_

 _Her head spun. She felt dizzy, but she used all her strength to stand. "You wouldn't…"_

 _Minnick responded with a shrug. "We could. Do I have to?"_

 _xxx_

 _After she watched Derek being taken away, two men came in and picked her up off the floor. She struggled, but they were too strong. She was too weary to fight them anyway. They got into a van and covered her head with a hood. Meredith tried to keep track of which way they turned, and for how long, but eventually it all blurred into one long motion, and Meredith shut down._

 _There was nothing she could do._

 _When the van stopped she tensed. She heard the doors open and started kicking and bucking, but her arm was grabbed and twisted. "Ah!" she screamed. They subdued her with pressure points._

 _The air was much cooler here, and were those birds she heard? No time to think… they were pushing her forward and she stumbled on. Was that a gravel road?_

 _She felt warm air gush at her and was pushed forward. Her stomach churned as the floor dropped. Another elevator._

 _Down. Down, down, down._

 _The door opened, Meredith was pushed forward. They walked fast and she struggled to keep up. Finally, they stopped. The hood was removed. Meredith spun, a last ditch escape attempt, but the door was right there and it slammed right in her face as she turned around._

 _She glared out the small window that looked out into an empty hallway. Was this it? Was this her life now? Meredith slumped against the door and slid down. She felt like she'd been hit by a truck too. Was it bad that she wished she'd really had?_

 _Meredith closed her eyes, but the image of the semi bearing down on the love of her life jarred her, and she swallowed back a sob._

 _She refused to cry. She refused to give them the satisfaction. But after awhile, her eyelids dipped closed again, and her head drooped. Only to snap back up again after imagining the gruesome scene again. Meredith stood up and paced._

 _The room was small and sparse. On one end was a bed and a nightstand, and beside it was a desk. Except for something that appeared like a small closet, that was it. Everything was white, and when she glanced down at her bloody hands and blouse, she felt dirty._

 _She blinked, and the room spun. Nausea crept up on her. Slowly, Meredith lowered herself to the floor. Her eyes closed, she couldn't stop it, exhaustion claimed her._

" _Hello?" A voice startled her awake._

" _No!" she jerked up, pulling into a sitting position. Who what where? Crap. It wasn't a dream._

 _She suppressed a sob as she blinked up. "No…"_

" _Are you okay?" The voice asked. It was young. A boy's voice._

 _Meredith wiped her eyes and looked around. Crouched a few feet in front of her was a boy staring at her curiously. "I…"_

" _Your hands," he reached for her bloody fingers but she pulled back and crossed her arms, tucking her hands under her armpits._

" _Are you okay?" he asked again. He looked young. About 12 years old. Maybe thirteen. Dark green eyes and dark hair framed a smooth round face. He was dressed simply in a sweater and dark pants._

 _She shook her head. No, she wasn't okay. She was pregnant, her husband was probably dead… and her kids… "Where am I?" She asked. "What is this place?" Who are these fucking people…_

" _You're at the Center." The boy said._

" _The center? The center of what?"_

 _He shrugged. "It's just… the Center."_

" _Okay," she sighed. Whatever._

" _You're bleeding," he called attention to her fingers again._

 _Meredith shook her head. "It's not my blood, it's-," Wait, why was she telling him this? She didn't even know this kid. "Who are you?" she squinted at him._

" _My name is Jarod."_

" _Jarod." Meredith repeated. "You're a kid, like what? Twelve?"_

" _I'll be thirteen in two weeks." He said confidently._

 _Meredith rolled her eyes, "Okay, fine. Thirteen. But what are you doing here? You shouldn't be here- these people are-,"_

" _Monsters?" Jarod offered._

 _Monsters… Meredith sighed and looked past him to the door. "I just want to go home…"_

" _I know," he said. "But it's not so bad here, most of the people are nice."_

 _She stared at him... her eyes empty. How long had Jarod lived here for him to be like that? Was that her fate too? Her baby's fate?_

" _Sorry," He backtracked._

 _Meredith bawled. This was her worst nightmare. Thousands of miles away from her husband, who could be dead now for all she knew, apart from her children, her friends, her job… Her reaction left the boy speechless. She blamed it on the stupid hormones._

 _Holding a life inside her womb…_

 _She had no idea where she was, or what she agreed to do or…_

 _Anything._

 _Somehow, even among her tired soppy sobbing form, she felt her hand being squeezed. Jarod sat beside her and held her hand. She squeezed back, hard. Unable to do anything else._

 _xxx_

Meredith stormed out of Derek's Porsche, her steps angry and tense. How dare he! How dare he make this about him!

"C'mon Zola," he was saying to his daughter as he held the door to her room open.

"I wanna sleep with you and mommy," she pleaded, looking up at him. Her dark hair was a messy afro, and Meredith smiled.

"Not tonight sweetie, you can sleep in your own room." Derek said.

"But-,"

"No buts, Zola, now it's time to get under the covers."

"But-,"

"C'mon…" he said, impatiently.

"Zola," Meredith called, making her presence known. "Listen to your dad. If you're good, I'll tell you a story…"

"You will?" she asked.

"Yeah…" she said, glancing at Derek. He'd been cheerful to his daughter, but his gaze at her was intense "I have to talk to daddy right now, and when I'm done, I'll tell you a story, how does that sound?"

"Okay!" Zola said exuberantly.

"Kay," she said, and then she took her husband's hand and dragged him into the bedroom.

Closing the door behind her, she looked at Derek's worn expression. "Are you finally going to tell me what's going on?" he asked.

"I-,"

"YOU WERE GONE! I WOKE UP AND YOU WERE GONE!"

The force of his exclamation caused her to stumble back against the door. She placed a hand on her chest protectively.

"I was in pain… I was stuck in a bed… I couldn't move, couldn't walk… And they kept asking… the kids, Mere, they kept asking where you went, why you left, what happened to you… Every fucking day," Derek cried. "For months. And I couldn't do anything, I couldn't go anywhere. I couldn't go look for you… I had to trust… Karev. And Hunt. And Catherine Avery. Nobody knew a damn thing, Mere." He shook his head, running a hand through thick hair as he paced. "You know… honestly…. Honestly, I thought you left me. For a long time, I had to keep convincing myself that even if you hated me, you wouldn't leave the kids. I almost gave up operating. Or medicine, actually. Because walking around in that hospital without you… was… was…" he trailed off, blowing a sigh that sounded like a sob. "After all of that… I think, I think I deserve to know what happened. I deserve a fucking answer."

"I…" Meredith sniffed. "I'm sorry. It's my fault. I never should have left Seattle. If I had stayed home, none of this would've happened." She stepped over to the bed and sat down, staring into space.

"Meredith… what happened?"

"I tried to call you… and a woman answered."

"You told me this." Derek huffed.

"Who was she?"

"Mere-,"

"What was her name?" she asked.

Derek sighed, seemingly ashamed. "Renee."

Renee, yes, that was it. The woman who'd been stabbed in the chest. The woman she couldn't save. "There was a lot of blood." Meredith's mind flashed back to that day, those moments as she hovered over Renee's chest, performing futile chest compressions as her blood seeped out around and all over her.

"Blood?" Derek asked.

"She was stabbed. Right in the chest. I tried to save her, I did… but…"

"Wh-what?"

Meredith wiped her eyes. Dammit, she hated crying. "The thing that I saw, Derek. It was a murder. They murdered Renee. Then they took me down to a room…Where I saw… I saw a freaking semi crash into you.

"I saw them drag your lifeless body from the wreckage… and I didn't know if you were alive or dead. And the worse thing is," she choked. "I feel like it's my fault.

"So… Yeah, I'm messed up. I'm messed up… because practically every night I dream that I drive the semi and hit you, in that tiny blue car only to pull your body out and perform CPR, except… You die in my arms. Every night for two years, that's what I dream.

"That's the crazy trailer sex. Because… I needed to erase it. I needed _you_ to erase it. I needed to bring you back to life for once."

"Oh, Meredith," Derek leaned against her. His arms snaked around her middle. She felt so tiny wrapped in him.

"I'm sorry…" she gasped.

"It's not your fault," he said.

But it was.

"There's more, Derek, but I can't tell you all at once. I'm still trying to figure it all out. This isn't about you. Lives are at stake. And until I know that certain people are safe, I can't tell you anything. I want to… more than anything, but… we have to be together on this… and right now, it's too soon. You can't make this about trust, because I do trust you. I know you'll do the right thing, but I need you to do the right thing at the right time. I'm scared, Derek. I am, because nothing makes sense anymore. Everything is screwed up. The only thing that makes sense is you." She laid her hand on top of his, scared to pick it up, or hold it.

But Derek turned his hand over to palm hers, and they interlaced fingers. She sighed.

"I'm sorry too," Derek said. "For giving up to soon. God, for not believing in you." He pulled her into himself. "I have a nightmare too," he confessed.

"Oh?" She asked.

"I come home from DC to fix our marriage, but you're gone, and so are the kids."

She squeezed his hand. "I would never leave you. Not if I could help it. Even if I hated you."

"I know." Derek kissed her forehead.

"Mommy!" Zola burst through the door, her hair in uneven ponytails, "I want my story now!"

 **A/N:** Thanks for reading! Please review! I may have made some Allusions to a certain 1990's TV show... can anyone guess it?


	12. Is this the Escaping Part?

**A/N:** Thanks so much everyone! Hope you are all had a Merry Christmas!

 **Enjoy!**

 **Outskirts of Washington, D.C.**

Jarod stared at the picture of Ellis on his phone, and then peered again through his binoculars at the large home in the woods 300 feet away. He'd found out where they kept the toddler, but he hadn't heard from Meredith for a week now. He didn't know what to do, but he'd better figure it out. He was the boy genius after all.

 _Two years ago:_

 _His hand was cramped, but he couldn't let go. The strange woman had finished crying, and was now breathing heavy breaths, her head resting on her knees. Finally, she released his hand, wiping her eyes with her palm. "Sorry," she said._

" _It's okay…" he replied, gazing at her thoughtfully. Who was she? He wondered. Why had they brought her here? It was rare that outsiders were brought in. His thoughts were interrupted by the squeak of the door behind him._

" _Jarod," an authoritarian voice called. "There you are. What are you doing here?"_

 _He stood up, seeing his teacher in the doorway. "Nothing, Arthur, I swear."_

" _Mm-hmm," he hummed disapprovingly. "Come on, you should not be here."_

" _Who is she?" he asked._

" _None of your concern," Arthur said, pulling on him. "Let's go."_

" _Meredith." The woman rasped. "My name is Meredith Grey. I'm a doctor. Please… you've got to help me."_

" _Arthur?" Jarod asked._

 _But Arthur shook his head as he pulled him further along. "Let's go."_

" _But-," Jarod protested, trying to wrench his arm away. He didn't understand. Why was she here?_

" _No," Arthur's grip was tighter on his upper arm and he was yanked out of the room, the door clanging behind him._

 _But it wouldn't be the last he'd see of Meredith Grey._

xxx

Now:

Jarod carefully considered the situation. He knew the house, he'd been there as a little boy, and he was doubtful much had changed. There were probably several children inside, he estimated seven to ten. Around the house, there were two guards, one in the woods somewhere, and one in the house. An old German shepherd lounged on the porch. There were at least two caregivers, Jarod knew, if not three. He sighed and rubbed his hands together to warm them. As he peered around the tree, he saw the second guard approach the house, hefting his rifle. Jarod looked at his watch and then at the sunlight piercing through the woods. He'd have to wait until dark.

xxx

 _Two Years ago:_

 _Laying in his bed, he'd waited until lights out was called at the Center. He couldn't get her out of his head. That woman. She said she was a doctor. Dr. Meredith Grey. He wondered why she'd been crying. Most of the doctors he knew here were happy. Well, not_ _ **happy,**_ _but… not sad, not distraught. But strange things had been happening here the last few months. Programs were being shut down. Work was being prioritized. People were disappearing. Even Arthur was uncharacteristically silent and evasive about certain topics, like the Med-Science program._

 _But if Jarod was anything, he was curious. He'd been raised to be. And he wanted to know more about Outside. No one talked to him about Outside. Unless it was for an assignment. But Meredith was new, and frankly, he was worried. And still curious._

 _He waited._

 _Then the lights blinked, warning of lights out. Thirty seconds later, they turned off altogether, leaving only the dim hallway to illuminate his room from the small square window. But it didn't matter, he knew the way by heart. From under his mattress he pulled out a metal ruler. He fashioned his bedding to make a long lump so it looked like he was still in bed. And then, using the ruler, he pried the grate off the large air duct in the corner. It had taken him the better part of a year to figure his way around at night, but he was grateful he was still small enough to crawl through it._

 _After several twists and turns through the duct system, he found Meredith's room. Through the grate, he saw her small curled form on the bed. "Hello?" he called out._

xxx

Now:

Darkness descended, and Jarod had finalized his plan. He wasn't worried about the dog. Actually, the dog would help him. He'd known to expect the dog, and came prepared. He pulled the dog whistle from around his neck and blew three short blasts. He waited a moment and blew three more.

The dog perked up, and he could hear him whine and bark, catching the attention of the outside guard. Jarod walked carefully away from the house and the treeline, taking a circuitous route. Once he reached the creek bed, he crossed over but then doubled back. Now he was actually right behind the house. But time was short. At the rear of the house was a large stack of chopped wood against the wall. Above it, the roof to the second floor sloped to a window to one of the second story rooms. Baby Ellis would be up there, in one of the rooms. He rubbed his hands together, gathered his courage and climbed the woodpile as quickly as he could. Now he stared into the dark room.

xxx

 _Two years ago:_

" _Hello?" he called out again._

 _Meredith sat up in bed, "Someone there?"_

" _Over here." Jarod whispered. "It's me, Jarod."_

" _Jarod?" Meredith got up, pulling the blankets off and walking to the back corner of the room._

" _Here," he slid the ruler through the grate. "Pry the grate off."_

" _What? How'd you-,"_

" _Shh, just do it."_

" _Oh," she sniffed, "Okay." She gripped the ruler and worked to pry it off. Finally, it popped off, and he slid out and jumped down. Meredith stepped back, unsure. "Is this the escaping part?"_

" _Escaping?" Jarod asked. It never really occurred to him._

" _You know, like in James Bond, the guy breaks in and rescues the girl from the secret underground bad guy facility?"_

" _Um," Jarod said, tip toeing to the door and peering out the window. He tried to open it, but it was locked. "James Bond?" he asked. Who was James Bond? And what did that have to do with escaping?_

" _You know, the movie?" Meredith prompted._

" _Movie?" Jarod tried to recall what that meant. He'd heard the word before, just…_

" _You've never seen it?"_

 _Oh. Movie… a form of screen entertainment. Right. He'd never seen a movie before. He shook his head._

" _Oh." Meredith said, and sat back on the bed._

" _I don't know about escape… yet." To be honest, he never really thought about it. But, he did wonder about the Outside._

 _Meredith sighed. "It's okay… I shouldn't… you're just a kid." But she sounded like he'd crushed her hopes._

 _Jarod fidgeted, he didn't know what to do or say next._

" _But…" Meredith started slowly, "If you're just a kid, what are you doing here? In a place like this?"_

xxx

Now:

It had been almost eight years since he'd been at this house. Since Arthur brought him from here into the Center. But he still remembered the old trick of the windows. Carefully, he jimmied it open and climbed inside. He was in a large bedroom. Two twin beds lined the walls on either side, each carrying a child sized lump. Jarod turned around and closed the window behind him before creeping forward.

 _Creak!_

Jarod froze, mid-step, his breath caught in his throat as his eyes darted about for signs of wakefulness from the sleeping children. One of them stirred, a little girl. She blinked at him blearily, rubbing her eyes. He pressed a finger to his lips. She stared at him, mouth open. Jarod continued on, the nursery was just across the hall. He just hoped the caregivers were otherwise occupied. Again, in the darkness, he made eye contact with the glint in the little girl's eye. It seemed she understood. She rolled over and put her thumb in her mouth, watching him silently. He pulled the door open a crack and peered into the hallway. It was lit, but no one was there. He heard voices from downstairs. The caregivers. They seemed to be chatting, unwinding from the long day. He slipped out of the room, closed the door, and slipped into the next room as quietly as possible. The first thing he looked for was the baby monitor. Seeing it on the dresser, he turned it off. Then he turned to the cribs. One of them had to have Ellis in it. He peered over the first one, but it was an Asian boy. The second one the child was too young. Ellis was fifteen months now. A toddler.

There.

Ellis lay on her stomach, one arm curled under her, another clutching her comfort object, a little stuffed bunny. He stroked her little pink cheek. She breathed heavily in and out. Jarod searched the room first. He would need things. Diapers at least. He found a cloth bag and filled it with some of Ellis' clothes, diapers and bottles and flung it over his shoulder. Then he jimmied the window open.

Suddenly light flooded the room. Panicking, Jarod whirled around.

It was the girl from the other room.

"Shh," he whispered, again putting a finger to his lips. "You didn't see anything okay?"

She stared back at him silently.

Ignoring her, he grabbed a blanket, and then scooped up Ellis from her crib.

Thankfully, she was dead asleep and didn't stir.

Under the little girl's watchful gaze, Jarod crawled through the window, the toddler he'd come to regard as his little sister over his shoulder.

Outside, he could hear the dog barking, coming closer. Running was not an option with a toddler in his arms. And it wasn't his plan. Just across from him was the garage where he knew they kept the old minivan they used to go into town and get supplies. Except he was one storey up with a child in his arms.

Ellis stirred in his arms, the sudden change in temperature and movement rousing her from her sleep. He kissed her cheek. "I know," he whispered. Carefully, he walked along the roof until he came to the corner, where the support from the porch rose up along with the downspout from the gutter. "Ellis," he whispered. "Elle-belle," He bounced her on his hip. He hadn't thought this far. He needed her help.

She blinked at him, still in a haze of sleep.

"Elle-belle," he sang to her. Her lips quirked downward. Her eyebrows furrowed. Any second she'd cry. He knew that look. "Shh, don't cry. Remember me? It's Jarod. Remember? Mommy's friend?" he touched her nose. She settled a little, but still looked unsure. "It's okay," he said. "It's just me, Jarod. The itsy-bitsy spider…" he sang softly. "Remember that?"

The dog was barking again, much closer.

"Jod." Ellis said finally.

"That's right, it's me, Jarod."

"Jod!" Ellis said again, patting his shoulder.

"Good! Good girl!" Jarod smiled. "Hey…" He shifted her to his chest. "I need you to hug my neck," he brought her arms around his neck. "Hug me as tight as you can."

"Hug," Ellis said. Her small arms squeezed him. He felt her little fingers on his back.

"Good, squeeze harder." He said. He'd only be able to hold her with one arm. He got down on his knees and blindly stuck his leg down to feel for the support beam. With Ellis tightly around him, he slowly descended, grimacing as the rough wood dug into his palm as he slowly slipped down.

"Hey!" A voice called. The guard. He'd been discovered.

Crap.

Jarod looked down. He'd reached the fence of the porch. Ellis was still squeezing her arms around him. He wiggled his leg, catching it on the fence. Somehow he maneuvered himself around and managed to jump backwards, stumbling and falling onto his back.

Ellis giggled.

Jarod shook his head. Well at least she wasn't crying. He scrambled upright and raced to the garage. Thankfully it wasn't locked. But the van was. He looked around for something to smash the window. Hanging on the workbench was a hammer. He smashed the window open and unlocked the door. The noise startled Ellis, and she started to cry. He didn't have time to comfort her. He lay her on the floor in the back with her diaper bag and then bent down under the steering wheel. Reaching under, into the ignition center, he out the wires from underneath. He'd only get one shot at this.

The dog's barking warned him that he was running out of time.

Suddenly it started. "Yes!" Jarod shouted in relief before jumping into the driver's seat and putting it into gear. The van stuttered to life, and he jabbed at the button to open the garage door. It seemed to take forever, and when it did, he was confronted with a rifle pointed right at him. He ducked under the steering wheel and pressed the gas, thundering forward despite the threat of the weapon.

His gamble paid off when he heard the guard curse and he poked his head back up, seeing the road was clear. Stomping on the gas, he screeched out of there. Behind him, gunshots and dog barks echoed in the darkness, but he couldn't stop. He wouldn't. He promised.

xxx

 _Two years ago:_

" _What are you doing here? In a place like this?" Meredith asked._

 _Jarod shrugged and sat on the bed beside her. "I've… always been here."_

" _Always? Like… you were born here?"_

 _He put a finger to his lips, thinking, remembering. "I think I was born Outside… but I was really little when I came here. Like two or three. I was at a nursery until I was seven… and then Arthur brought me here."_

" _So… you've never been outside of this..." Meredith waved her hand to indicate the facility._

 _Jarod shook his head no. "I help Arthur with projects. He says I'm good at it."_

" _What kind of projects?" Meredith asked._

 _Jarod felt a strange protectiveness come over him. He wasn't sure if he should tell her. He scrunched the bedsheet under him. "Tell me about movies," he asked instead. "Who's James Bond?"_

" _Oh. Um…" Meredith pulled her legs up and sighed before telling him about the enigmatic government agent, 007, who travelled the world on missions, occasionally getting sidetracked by gorgeous women before defying orders and going after the evil villain who wanted to destroy the world._

 _He thought she was just a strange outsider. Just someone who was alone and sad and maybe needed a friend. He didn't think she'd be the catalyst for his whole world to shift. For her to change how he thought about everything he ever knew, everything he was ever taught._

 _He didn't think he'd learn about family._

xxx

Now:

Jarod finally sighed in relief. He'd lost the guards. Ellis was still crying in the back of the van though, but he kept driving, not caring at this point where they were going, as long as it was away, far away. A half hour passed before he felt satisfied with the distance between them and the house.

He needed to stop and rest. And plan. And calm Ellis down. So he pulled over, down a curving dirt road off the main highway. He'd have to ditch the van soon, but for now it would make a comfortable shelter.

"Shh, Elle-belle," he whispered as he climbed into the back.

"Mommy!" she cried, her face red and tear stained.

"I know, I know…" Jarod picked her up and pulled the blanket over her. "I know… shh." Tenderly, like Meredith had taught him, he pressed her close to his chest as she wailed with upset. "The itsy bitsy spider," he started as her little fingers tugged on his shirt. "Crawled up the water spout," he continued, jiggling her on his knee. "Down came the rain and washed the spider out. Out came the sun and dried up all the rain." Ellis's loud wails quieted a little, though her lower lip was still etched in a frown. "And the itsy bitsy spider crawled up the spout again."

When Ellis's cries became soft sobs and then whimpers… And when the whimpers became baby snores, Jarod finally succumbed to sleep as well.

 **A/N:** Please review! And Happy New Year!


	13. Saved by the Bell

**A/N:** Wow! Thank you so much everyone, for hanging in there! Seems like there's demand for my stories these days! Leaving a review or PM does work most of the time you know…

Anyway… to clarify timeline, this chap takes place just after last… a week has gone by since the dinner party.

 **Enjoy!**

Meredith jerked awake from a nightmare she couldn't remember. Catching her breath, she rolled toward her husband, only to realize his side of the bed was empty. "Oh," she sighed with tiredness. Her sleep had been filled with horrible nightmares of losing Ellis, losing Derek... losing them all. Then it hit her, the bed was empty. She shot up in bed, the blanket falling off her chest. "Derek?" she called out.

No answer.

"Derek?" she called again, getting up from the bed. Her voice echoed and bounced as she opened the door to the hallway. Maybe he was making breakfast or waking the kids. A quick glance at the clock revealed it was 9:37am, to be precise. She couldn't believe she slept in so late. Meredith sniffed and rubbed her eyes as she entered the open living area.

Nothing. No one.

"Zola? Maggie?"

A rush of adrenaline filled her. "DEREK?" She cried with desperation as she searched. All the rooms were empty. Where were they? Outside? She jogged to the deck. Empty. The yard, empty. A glance at the driveway revealed the Porsche was gone. A stab of pain struck her heart. He left? With the kids? And Maggie? Fear wormed into her gut. Meredith swallowed back bile. No, she wouldn't react. Not yet. He hadn't left. He was just out. He probably left a note or something. Meredith spun back toward the kitchen. She glanced in all the usual places… the fridge covered in the kid's bright and shiny drawings of a reunited family, the counter by the fruit basket, the coffee table with Bailey's toy truck on it.

No note. Nothing. Nada.

She took a deep breath… she would not panic. Derek hadn't freaked out about her Dark and twisty. There was just a miscommunication. Maybe he mentioned something yesterday and she forgot. She'd been anxious this past week, worrying about Jarod and Ellis, and keeping it from Derek was making it extremely difficult for them to just… be.

They weren't themselves. Meredith was on edge all the time, her guard always up, always watching what she was saying… always looking over her shoulder. And Derek sensed that and wanted to fix it. But she wouldn't let him, causing him to be frustrated and angry. In the meantime, she was trying to reassert herself into the family, trying to be 'Mom' again.

This morning Derek was supposed to help her do the mom thing and drop them off at Zola's school so they could meet with her teacher for a few minutes. Meredith had set the alarm for 7:30. But she must've slept through it…

And now?

She fumbled for the home phone and dialed Derek's number. Her stomach dropped when it went right to voicemail. Maybe he was at the hospital. Did he get called in to work? She dialed Grey-Sloan's number with ease, bypassing the public menu to get connected to the neurosurgery department. "I need to speak to Dr. Shepherd. Derek Shepherd," she asked as calmly as she could.

"Dr. Shepherd is currently in surgery," replied the receptionist.

Meredith felt dizzy with relief, thank God he was okay. Thank God he hadn't left her or been kidnapped "Can you patch me through? I need to speak to him immediately."

"I'm sorry, may I ask who's calling?"

Of course, her voice probably wasn't recognizable after two years. "It's Grey. Meredith Grey. I'm his wife."

"Oh," said the receptionist, and Meredith could only imagine the reaction. _Dr. Shepherd has a wife? ISN'T he living with Dr. Pierce? Who's Meredith Grey?_ "Can you hold for a moment?"

"Yes."

She waited, her heart thumping a mile a minute… On the one hand she was grateful Derek was okay, on the other hand, she was upset. Why didn't he tell her that he'd been called in? Why didn't he wake her up? Did he think she was too emotionally unstable to handle the kids for a day?

"-Okay," her thoughts were interrupted by the receptionist. "We're patching you through to OR 1"

"Thanks," she breathed before she heard the call being redirected. There was a click, and then a soft _boop-boop, boop-boop,_ as she waited for the call to patch through.

Then, clear as a bell, Derek's voice rang through, "Meredith?"

xxx

"Meredith?" Derek was still inside his patient's brain when the call came through in OR 1. His heart thrummed with panic for a moment, until he realized that the battery of his phone died only minutes after he arrived to work this morning, and he'd been unable to charge it. So his wife contacting him through the hospital was not unusual. "Sorry, I forgot to charge my phone…"

"Okay…" she said, but she sounded… off.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"So, Zola and Bailey are…?"

Derek furrowed his brow, didn't she remember? He woke her up when he'd been paged to tell her that he'd been called in, Maggie would take Zola to school, and Bailey to preschool. "In school," he said, pulling back from the microscope for a moment. "Dr. Elliot," he said, "Can you retract here?"

"Certainly, Dr. Shepherd," his new intern said, deftly picking up the retractor.

"Meredith, I-"

"Why didn't you tell me, or leave a note or something?" she interrupted. "Imagine my panic when I woke up at nine thirty this morning to find the house completely empty!"

"Well I-," Derek started. He did tell her. He woke her up at five when the page came in, kissed her cheek, and told her. She mumbled, 'kay,' and rolled over.

"I mean, you can't just do that. Make decisions for me. I really wanted to meet Zola's teacher," Meredith ranted, "but you just decided that since you won't be there to take me, I can't handle it by myself?"

The monitors signaled an increase in Mr. Nelson's ICP. A small warning. "Bipolars," Derek ordered, looking through the scope again. "Meredith, I'm in the middle of someone's brain. I'm fine, the kids are fine. I can't talk about this now."

"Right." Meredith said, but he heard the pain in her voice, the disappointment She'd been looking forward to that meeting, curious to know what Zola was learning. "Fine. Well, I'm going to pick Bailey up from Kindergarten, and maybe see Zola's teacher for a minute. We'll talk later."

"What?" He paused with his instrument hovering over the superior sagil sinus artery.

"Bye, Derek"

"Mere-."

The phone clicked over the speaker, and Derek sighed heavily. ". Dr. Elliot, where were we?"

xxx

"What!" Minnick screamed into the phone. "Incompetent fools!" she yelled. "How the hell did he escape with her?" She didn't listen to the drivel on the other end, "nevermind, do what you have to do, find them. Especially the baby!" she snapped before ending the call. No doubt it required more work from her now. The question was, was this Meredith's doing?

Undoubtedly yes. While Arthur had done his best to keep Jarod and Meredith apart, it hadn't stopped their friendship. They must have contacted each other somehow. Without the child, she didn't have any leverage to keep Meredith from contacting the authorities, Minnick stewed for a moment. She'd be in shit soon, if she didn't have a back up plan. She speedialed number 3.

He picked up immediately, "Yes?"

"Move your Ass to Lawton Elementary, and text me the address. I want eyes on Grey's kids at all times, got it?"

"Understood."

"Good," she said, holstering her gun. "But don't do anything till I say."

"Of course."

She didn't bother with a goodbye, ending the call and beginning another, swinging on her felt jacket. "Arthur. Tell me you've got some idea where the hell Jarod is."

"We're working on it," he said.

"Well, work harder. Draw him out! do something! It's been… what 12 hours? You're his handler, the closest thing he has to a father! You trained him, you have to know where he'd be."

"Of course, Eliza. Walters and I are working on a few possibilities as we speak."

"Good. I have somewhere to be. Don't call me unless you have something."

Xxx

Meredith drove the lexus carefully through the suburbs. It had been awhile since she'd driven, so she paid extra special attention to the roads and pedestrians. Pulling up to the school, she took her sunglasses off and looked around. It was a simple old style brick building with a low roof. A large sign appeared at the front, with the dolphin as their apparent school mascot. It wasn't yet lunch hour, so the schoolyard was empty and devoid of children.

There was a large playground in the middle, complete with slides and swings, beautiful tile murals of the ocean, lighthouses and ferryboats. In the far corner, there was a small baseball diamond. Nervously, Meredith headed past the sign and down the sidewalk to the front door. Reaching for the door handle, something glinted on the right.

Before she could glance over, she was shoved violently against the wall. An angry familiar face glowered at her. Minnick. "Your little friend ran into some trouble trying to kidnap a baby, know anything about that?"

"Wha-?" Meredith gasped, pulling at Minnick's fingers around her collar.

"We're closing in, it won't be long before we find them. But if we don't, I was just inside." Minnick flashed very official looking badge that said: Academic Superintendent. " Your daughter, Zola, is it? Precious. Look, she just drew me a picture," Minnick unfolded a red construction paper drawing to show Meredith. "She was so happy to tell me that her mommy came back," she grinned wolfishly.

In the corner of the happy family picture, Zola's printed name stood out in purple and pink crayon. "No," Meredith gasped.

"So… why don't you just make this easier for everyone. Tell me where the little rat is, and you won't have to worry about Zola, or Bailey, for that matter."

Blood rushed to her head, Meredith sagged against the wall, feeling woozy. A part of her, a big part of her wanted to spill. But spill what? She didn't know anything. Minnick knew more than her at this point.

"You don't know anything do you? Of course not." Her enemy smirked, seeing right through her. "Too bad," she mock-pouted, "I'll just have to hang around a little more I guess... did you know Zola has a field trip to the Aquarium tomorrow?"

Meredith's eyes burned. "Get the fuck away from my kids!" She growled, shoving Minnick.

Minnick remained on her feet, "Oooh, gonna punch me?" she cocked an eyebrow. Meredith inhaled sharply and clenched her fists. She would, she so would...

The blare of the lunch bell startled her out of her rage. "Hm," Minnick said, regaining her composure. "Saved by the bell." She stepped back, out of Meredith's space. "I think I'll keep this," she said, referring to the drawing, "It's nice. Have a good day."

xxx

The surgery finished, Derek scrubbed out as quickly as he could. He had to call Meredith. He'd upset her, he'd been short with her, and all she was guilty of was being confused. Also, Maggie was already on her way to pick up Bailey, and he hadn't had a chance to let the school know that Meredith was coming.

"Everything okay?" Dr. Elliot asked.

"Yeah," he muttered. Derek didn't mind Elliot as much as other interns. The man was older, closer to Meredith's age, which unconsciously earned him an ounce more respect than the others, whose lack of life experience made them seem like teenagers in comparison. If Elliot was anyone else, Derek would've snarled at him about minding his own business. Instead ,he ignored the question, "Let's update the family, and then I need you to do Mr. Nelson's post-op."

"Of course." Elliot said, drying off.

They quickly met with the family, and Derek calmly announced that the surgery was successful, and barring any complications, Mr. Nelson should recover nicely, although there may be some deficits from the TBI inflicted in the accident.

That over and done, Derek called home, hoping Meredith hadn't left yet for the school. No answer. He sighed, frustrated and angry with himself. They hadn't even gotten her a phone yet. Something else they were supposed to do today.

He called Maggie instead.

"Derek?" she answered, her voice a little tinny, indicating he was probably on speaker in the car.

"Are you on your way to pick up Bailey?"

"Yeah, just pulling up to the school now, what's up?"

"Meredith…" he sighed. "I-,"

"What?"

"I didn't make it clear to her when I got called in, that you'd be dropping off and picking up the kids," he said. "She called about two hours ago, and I screwed up. She might already be there looking for Bailey and wanting to talk to Mrs. Kittigawa. Sorry, I was in surgery since 7 am, it's been touch and go."

He heard Maggie's seat belt click, "It's alright," she said sweetly "I'll talk to Mere, don't worry about it, okay?"

"Thanks," Derek sighed, running a hand through his sweaty hair, "I owe you one," he was eternally grateful for Maggie's help in this situation.

"It's no problem. I'll call you later."

"Okay." He scrunched the ferryboat scrubcap in his pocket. It was Meredith's favorite, he reminded himself. It was his way back to surgery, more than once. He needed her." Bye." Derek stared out the window of the stairway, clenching and unclenching his fist. He just hoped she would understand. When he finally settled down, he headed for the ICU.

"Dr. Shepherd?"

"Yes Elliot?"

"Mr. Nelson is set up in the ICU, I've booked his scans, and his blood work has been delivered to the lab."

"Excellent," Derek, reviewed the notes on the tablet. "Keep me posted. I'm going for lunch, and then I have a couple other patients to check on," he informed him.

"Of course… Dr shepherd?"

"Yes?" Derek looked up from Mr. Nelson's chart.

Dr Elliot tucked away the small piece of licorice he'd been chewing on. "Um, I couldn't help but overhear about your wife…"

xxx

 **A/N:** More to come very soon. Happy Easter everybody! **Please Review!**


	14. I Need Derek

**A/N:** Well that wasn't very long was it? DOUBLE FEATURE: I have also updated Save Me... so please check that one out too! Happy early Greys day!

Derek stared at the taller man who was also his subordinate. Someone he barely knew. What gave him the right to ask about Meredith? "What about my wife?" he snarled. This was crossing the line. Very few people knew about Meredith, and those that did wouldn't gossip. At least he hoped so.

"Ah…" Elliot had the decency to look a little contrite, crossing an arm over his chest to rub his shoulder. "She went missing, right? Dr. Grey? And now she's back?"

Derek got right up in Dr. Elliot's face. "That's _none_ of your business! Don't you _dare_ bring her up again." He felt a bit like a porcupine, bristling with sharpness to cover his soft underside.

"I won't," Dr. Elliot said softly, pulling off his sky blue scrub cap. "I just… wanted to say I know what its like."

Derek looked up in surprise. Grabbing Dr. Elliot's forearm, he dragged him into the supply closet. Hands on hips, labcoat tucked behind him and one foot slightly forward, Derek assumed a power pose. "What do you mean, you know what it's like?" he whispered harshly as the door slammed. Derek glanced again at the intern's badge, John was his first name. Dr. John Elliot. Who was this guy?

The younger man rubbed his own face and sighed. "Dr. Shepherd, I was separated from my family when I was five…" he shrugged, "I've spent every moment I could looking for them. And last year… I found out I have a teenage son."

The revelation threw him off guard. Derek didn't know what to say or believe."I uh-," he managed.

"I just wanted to say that I'm happy for you that she's back," Dr. Elliot continued. "And… I know even though she's home, it can't be easy."

"Mm," Derek murmured. This was unexpected. He let out a breath. Was he supposed to confide in this man now? Tell him how Meredith refused to talk about what happened to her? Tell him sometimes he wondered if what she confessed about her time away was true? Tell him that a good thirteen percent of his brain wondered if she had some kind of psychotic break? Even though he shut down his doubts with a vehemence, the brain surgeon in him constantly cataloged symptoms, evaluated Meredith's reactions, her behavior, everything. Trying to confirm there wasn't a tumor, Alzheimer's or signs of mental illness.

His thoughts began to twist now, thinking of it, and he hated that he even entertained them. But Dr. Elliot's pager saved him from the dark spiral he was on.

"Time to take Mr. Nelson in for his scans," the intern murmured, glancing at it. "Excuse me, sir."

xxx

Maggie stepped out of her car, having finished her conversation with Derek. She sighed, feeling his pain. Feeling Meredith's pain too. It had been a very crazy morning with Derek being called in early to work. A semi Jackknifing on the highway had injuries more than a pregnant Amelia could handle at once. Before he left, Derek told her that Meredith had been having nightmares all night, and best to let her sleep in this time. Maggie suggested calling the teacher and making the appointment for them to all meet with the teacher after school and Derek agreed.

"You'll let Mere know?" she'd asked.

"I told her I got paged, and we'd talk to the teachers tomorrow." He'd said. "She said it was okay."

But it wasn't okay. Somehow Meredith didn't get the message. Now she was here.

It wasn't a bad thing… it was just…

Awkward.

Throughout the week, with the kids home, it was hard for Maggie to let go. Despite her hope and optimism that Meredith would return someday, she'd grown attached, and a small part of her had prepared for the possibility that Meredith was dead. Which made it awkward. It meant that now that her sister was back, every question, choice, and decision Maggie usually made regarding the kids had to be put on hold as she gave it back to Meredith.

The day after the dinner party they talked over lunch at Tat's Deli and agreed that it was best if Maggie stayed at the house for now, and gradually eased up as Meredith reclaimed her role in the house. It seemed reasonable. Maggie would need time anyway, to find a place and pack her stuff, and no one was in a rush for her to leave. One of the first things they'd discussed was school. Derek would have to let the teachers know mom was back in the picture, (safety policies and all), so Meredith would need to meet Bailey and Zola's teachers to discuss their progress and reinforce her position as a decision-maker.

Change. Everything changed.

The school bell rang for lunch break, meaning Bailey's preschool class was also over. Hefting her purse over her shoulder, she made her way to the front doors, bumping shoulders with a sharply dressed brunette school administrator. "Sorry," she murmured, but the woman kept on walking. "Sheesh," muttered Maggie.

Now inside, the hallways bustled with excitement as lunch hour began for grades 1-5 and the morning kindergarten class finished. Students laughed and giggled, shoes shuffled, kids ran past her to vending machines and microwaves. A couple girls passed her, "Hey miss Maggie," they called, waving.

Zola's playmates. Maggie grinned, "Hey, girls," she waved back.

All the sounds were a familiar melody, except one discordant note coming from Bailey's classroom. _"I'm sorry Miss Grey, you're not on the list."_

"What do you _mean_ I'm not on the list? _I'm_ his mother."

Maggie's spidey senses tingled. Danger. Danger Danger, Maggie Pierce! She felt it, and she didn't quite know why... Something about Meredith's tone perhaps, or her stance, which she noticed even from thirty yards away, seemed agitated and paranoid.

"Mommy?" Bailey's whine only added to the tense shift in the hallway. Maggie picked up the pace.

"I understand," Mrs. Stewart said softly, her voice melodic, dripping honey and sweetness, even as her reddish hair poked out of her simple bun, and she pushed her reading glasses further up the bridge of her nose. "School policy requires consent from the current parent or guardian."

"Current parent?" Meredith questioned harshly, her voice beginning to rise over the shouts of the kids in the hall. " _I am_ Bailey's mother. He's my son. I gave birth to him."

"Mom?" Bailey seemed torn between mother and teacher, sensing the tension between them.

"It's policy," Mrs. Stewart kept explaining, moving closer to Meredith while protecting Bailey, her gaze wary.

"Policy?" Meredith was freaking out... really, really bad. Maggie maneuvered through a swarm of boys on their way to the ice cream machine, "Didn't Derek- Didn't my husband talk to you?" She could hear Mere saying... "Look- I'm not- I wouldn't hurt my kids… I don't know what you know of-,"

Maggie's speed-walk of the 100 feet needed to get to the pair was now nearly over, and she saw Mrs. Stewart visibly relax at the sight of her approach.

"- I just have to keep him safe-," Meredith was saying until she followed the teacher's gaze to Maggie. "Maggie, thank God you're here! Tell her. Tell her I'm Bailey's mother…"

"Miss Pierce?" Mrs. Stewart glanced at her.

"It's fine," Maggie said quickly. "Meredith _is_ Bailey's mother, and..." she tried to think of what to say, "She's with me today," she came up with. "Um, do you have the sign-out sheet? I'll sign him out. Hi Bailey!"

"Auntie Maggie!" Bailey gave her a big hug around the waist. "Did you drive mommy here?"

"Uh…" Maggie signed the clipboard, glancing from Meredith to the boy and back again. Her sister's expression was unreadable. "I think mommy drove herself here," She handed the clipboard to Mrs. Stewart with a quick thanks and an apologetic look.

"Are we going home?" asked Bailey, as sometimes she took him home, and sometimes to the hospital daycare, and sometimes he came with her while she ran errands.

"Well-," Maggie looked at Meredith. What was her gameplan? She wanted nothing more than to smooth things over and make everything easier for everybody.

"We have to get Zola," said Meredith abruptly.

"We what?" But Zola was in her first-grade class. They didn't get out for another three and a half hours. And she'd already missed a week of school.

"We have to get Zola," Meredith repeated, looking around for her daughter's classroom.

"Mere, she's already missed a week of school-," Maggie started, she didn't want her to get behind.

"Maggie," Meredith's tone dropped lower, becoming a growl. "Zola can't be here anymore today, okay? If you don't sign her out I will personally go in there and take her myself!"

The Danger, Danger, spidey tingles came back. She couldn't ignore it. "Mere," she said, unconsciously gripping Bailey's hand just a little tighter. "I don't understand, what's going on with you?"

"Please…" Meredith begged.

Maggie was rattled. Meredith Grey did not beg. Something wasn't right. "Okay, okay. Just wait here with Bailey." She walked across the hall to Miss Kitagawa's room and poked her head in. "Hi Miss K," she said. "Um, I'm sorry… Zola, can you go get your bookbag sweetie?"

"Auntie Maggie?" Zola asked from her desk in the middle of the classroom.

Maggie fake-smiled, "Your mom is here!. She wants to see you."

"Oh," said Zola, putting her sandwich down as everyone stared at the door.

Maggie turned to the teacher, "Um, there's a family thing…" she explained. "I have to take Zola for the rest of the day."

"All right," Miss Kitagawa acquiesced, curiously following everyone else's gaze to the door where Meredith stood.

Zola looked confused and a little worried. "Is everything okay?" she asked.

"It's fine," Maggie said quickly, entering the classroom. "Your mom just… really wants to see you. Let me help me with your things…"

xxx

Meredith tried to stifle her rising panic as she followed Maggie out of the school. She'd been stupid. Naïve. Of course, Minnick would go after her kids once she ran out of leverage. How had she not thought of that?

She was screwed.

Her earlier petty thoughts about Derek not trusting her fell away. It didn't matter. Come to think of it, she thought he'd woken her up earlier and said something, but she'd just been so out of it, she fell back asleep. On the plus side, Minnick's panic meant that Jarod had indeed escaped with Ellis. Which was good, wasn't it? She had to contact him. ASAP.

"Meredith? Mere?" Maggie's concerned face came into view as they stood outside the schoolyard.

She blinked at her sister, "Huh?"

"So how are we doing this? What are we doing? Are we going home? Are we going out for lunch? Do you want me to call Derek?"

"Um," she hadn't thought that far ahead. Crap.

"Do you want to take my car? I've still got Bailey's booster seat in the back."

"Oh…" Oh yeah, the booster seat. She hadn't even thought of that. Maggie was definitely in the running for parent of the year award.

"Meredith?"

"Just give me a minute!" The snarl came out with much more vehemence then she'd ever intended at Maggie and she instantly regretted it, but didn't feel she had time or energy to try to explain.

"Okay," Maggie waved her hands in surrender, "Sorry."

Meredith looked around. Everyone was a threat. Everything was a threat. She put a hand on her chest, feeling her heart thunder along at a rapid rate. Her stomach squeezed and clenched, threatening to expel the muffin she'd eaten this morning. Somewhere… maybe at the bus stop, or across the street, or in the school… Maybe in the car parked in the pick-up lane… Maybe a lunchroom supervisor or a pretend parent…

Someone was watching. She knew that much.

And somewhere, on the other side of the country, her fifteen-month-old was in the care of a teenage boy, who, genius as he was, could not hide from this diabolical organization forever.

Maggie, Zola, and Bailey seemed to feel her fear. They stared at her in askance.

She didn't know what to do.

It was way, way, over her head.

"I… I need Derek."

xxx

Derek got off the elevator and strode across the catwalk, lost in thought, lost in worry. He still hadn't heard from Maggie, and though he could pretend it was nothing for a little while, he knew it wasn't. Something big was happening with Meredith, he knew. Striding heavily toward his office, his pager beeped. Glancing at it, he frowned. It was rare for him to be paged there, and definitely not a good thing.

Sighing, Derek checked his watch. It was almost one o'clock. Just this last consult, then he would find out what was going on with Meredith and Maggie. He made his way to the labor and delivery unit, past the OB rooms to the newborn nursery, looking for someone from pediatrics or OB. But his breath caught when he turned the corner.

Meredith.

She stood, a hand to the glass of the nursery, peering in. Through the window, he could see her reflection. It was… she looked so lost. Slowly and noisily, he approached. Through the reflection of the glass, she watched him.

Sudden regret and apology filled his heart from the misunderstanding this morning. She deserved better. "Mere, I-"

"-Shh" she interrupted, reaching back for his hand, which he took.

"I'm sorr-"

"No, it's fine, shh," His wife dismissed, squeezing his hand with a clammy palm.

He squinted at her, and sighed. What were they doing here? What was the purpose? He didn't know, but it was apparent his wife was working herself up to something. He turned to look at the newborns. Six of them. Some sleeping, some crying, some wiggling. Automatically he thought of Bailey, how it felt to hold his son in his arms. To watch him take in this whole new world that was loud and bright and cold. His little hand gripping his index finger, tiny fingernails prickling against his fingerprint. How Bailey stared, cross-eyed and mystified at this strange world without the safety of his womb. But mostly, he remembered how much he wanted to protect him. Keep him safe. Just… hold him and never let go.

He squeezed Meredith's hand and waited. He wouldn't let go this time.

"Did you ever… did you ever think we could have another one?" she asked.

"Another baby?"

"Yeah," she said, softly.

"I… yeah, sometimes I wondered," he admitted. "It didn't matter, though, I was happy just with you... I am happy," he amended, "Just the four of us," he kissed the side of her head, "You, me, Zola, Bailey."

"What if... we did have another one?"

"Well, I... Meredith?" he couldn't follow her train of thought. It wasn't possible for her to know she was pregnant now, was it? "What are you saying? He asked as an orderly passed them.

She turned around, glancing furtively in both directions. "Come with me," she whispered, pulling him into a supply closet.

Now he was really confused. So she wanted another baby? "Supply closet sex, Mere?" he smirked anyway. He followed her inside and closed the door behind him. As soon as he did, she pressed up against him, burying her face in his chest. What...? Instinctively, he buried his own confusion and wrapped his arms around her. Her palms ran over his shoulders and then cupped his cheeks. Tilting his head downward, she kissed him.

Deeply, urgently...

He drank the softness of her lips, the divinity of each press and pull, the way she ensconced him with herself.

It made him shiver with passion.

He was drowning.

And she saved him.

She pulled away abruptly, panting.

They stared into each other. Endless conversation without words.

"Meredith," he asked, rubbing her arms, "What is it?"

 **A/N:** Here we go! Now go read Save Me... and don't forget to **Review!**


	15. Impossible Choice

**A/N:** Thanks all, you know who you are! And Check out my other fics! You don't know what you're missing!

 **Enjoy!**

 _Three weeks ago,_

 _Meredith shoved her hands in her labcoat. She would never get used to the chill of this place. Still, she'd been paged to the Office. Most likely for a report on the status of her gene therapy work._

 _She knocked on the door once and stepped back. A second later it slid open, revealing a very efficient looking office. A thin white desk with a single drawer, a large screened computer and slim keyboard and a single wide bookshelf._

" _Dr. Stimson?" she called out. The room was empty. Meredith paced nervously, waiting._

" _Ah, Meredith, there you are," Her superior said, striding out of another door in the back of her office. "Walk with me," she commanded. Meredith did so, matching her stride. She was long and leggy, very intelligent, and very focused on results. If she hadn't been a part of the Center, Meredith probably would have liked her._

 _But she didn't have the time or emotional capacity to like anyone here, except for Jarod. It was dog eat dog, and everyone just wanted to survive._

" _How's patient 26?" she asked._

" _Patient 26," Charlie, Meredith recalled, and shuddered. "Despite our recent advances, we haven't been able to make newly created genes break the blood-brain barrier. He's still…_

" _In a coma."_

" _Yes."_

 _Dr. Stimson sighed, disappointed. "This is not good news. I was hoping for much better results."_

" _I know, me too." Meredith replied. There had been many late nights, many trials. Charlie was patient 26, that meant there'd been 25 before him. And if the treatment hadn't killed them, their disease did._

 _They turned the corner, Meredith following her boss up a short flight of stairs. "Let me see the labs." she reached for Meredith's tablet as they entered the patient floor. Painful anxiety struck her. Dr. Stimson was never on the patient floor. Now she was three doors down from Charlie's room._

 _Meredith swallowed, her instincts were screaming at her that something was wrong. All wrong. She watched as Trish analyzed the results on the tablet, and then walked into Charlie's room. The small deformed man in the bed was lifeless. His brain had swelled from the symptoms of his disease, and despite a small improvement in his liver functioning, he was deteriorating rapidly._

 _Her boss stepped up to the patient, and for the first time, Meredith saw her as a doctor, not a scientist. She held his hand, rubbed his arm… felt his pulse for herself. Lifting the stethoscope from around her neck, she listened to his breath sounds. She pulled a penlight and checked his pupil dilation. Meredith only watched as she verified all signs of life from the man. Then she straightened, sighed, and turned the monitors off. Wait- what?_

 _Smoothly, efficiently, Dr. Stimson disconnected every tube and wire, every line and lead._

" _Dr. Stimson?" Meredith came up behind her. "What are- what are you doing? Charlie still has two weeks left-,"_

" _-No, there's no more time." And with that, she removed Charlie's breathing tube. "The program has been canceled," she said as Charlie gargled and gasped._

" _But-," On the bed, Charlie made a few more choking noises, and then he was still. So very still._

" _Time of death, 6:13 am," She tapped on the tablet. "Come on, Dr. Grey," she said, leaving the tablet on the bed._

" _What…" Meredith couldn't move, she was frozen. Two weeks ago, Charlie was living breathing, walking, talking… a gentle man who loved to joke around. Now…_

" _Dr. Grey."_

 _She felt her arm being squeezed, and she was pulled along. They exited the patient floor, up another flight of stairs. Dr. Stimson pulled out a key-card and it beeped, releasing a magnetic lock._

 _Meredith hadn't been to this floor before. She was forced to follow as they walked through the halls. Carpet. They were walking on carpet. She couldn't remember the last time she walked on carpet. At the end of the hall was a door. A regular wooden door. She couldn't remember when she'd seen one of those either. "Dr. Stimson?"_

 _She didn't respond, merely opened the door for her, and waited for her to enter. Meredith did. "Have a seat, Meredith."_

 _Meredith glanced at the door that closed behind them, and then at the room. It appeared like an ordinary waiting room._

" _Sit."_

 _She obeyed. Another door opened, and a tall older man stepped out, adorned with a crown of grey hair and a full mustache to match._

" _Trish," he nodded at her._

 _Trish? That was Stimson's name?_

 _Trish smiled grimly and nodded back._

" _This is the doctor with the…uh, baby?"_

" _Yes. Dr. Grey, this is Mr. Parker." Trish introduced them._

 _Meredith nodded but didn't care for protocol at the moment. As soon as he said 'baby,' everything shifted, "Where is she? Where's Ellis?" she asked, on high alert._

" _Relax," Mr. Parker said, "She's right here," he stepped aside, and from behind him, a nurse appeared with Ellis in her arms._

" _Ellis!" Meredith reached for her baby, her heart hammering. What were they doing with her? Why now?_

" _Mama!" Ellis screeched excitedly._

 _The nurse placed her daughter in her arms and Meredith squeezed and rocked her. Even though she saw her last night, she missed her so, so much._

" _Oh, she's adorable." Mr. Parker smiled. "I understand… about family, I do."_

 _She doubted it, yet nodded anyway. But the sudden change in routine unnerved her. Her glances bounced between the two. "What's… what's happening?"_

" _A merger." Mr. Parker said. "We've been bought out, essentially. In the coming weeks, there will be many changes. Our new owners have many plans for our research. Unfortunately, it doesn't involve your new discoveries in genetic editing for Hunter's syndrome._

" _I'm so close," she said, squeezing Ellis closer. "I just need a little more time to get the formula right. I've been looking into ways to break the blood-brain barrier, and I think-,"_

" _I'm sorry Dr. Grey, we're shutting it down." 'Trish' interrupted._

" _Okay…" so what did that mean for her? Was she free now?_

" _But you know too much. About us. Our research. Our projects. We can't let you go."_

" _I really… I don't" she shook her head. "I don't really know anything, Mr. Parker." Well, she knew a little… but… enough to send the police? Hardly. They'd commit her to a facility._

" _Oh," he smiled, "But you do. I am a fair man, however, and… like I said, I do understand family. I have a proposition for you."_

 _She swallowed, "Proposition?"_

 _Mr. Parker turned his attention to Ellis. "What a sweet child," he stroked her soft dark hair that tangled past her ears._

 _Meredith shifted her daughter on her hip. A terrible feeling rose in her gut._

" _We have a facility, a few hundred miles from here. Secluded, far away from… interference. There's lodging there. Enough room for you and the little one. Of course, it will be guarded, but you'll be able to work on the project."_

" _So I'm being transferred?" she asked. Dammit. "What if I don't want to-,"_

" _That really isn't an option," Trish interrupted, her eyes darkening._

 _Her gut spasmed and she choked. Were they really going to kill her? And Ellis?_

" _Mama," Ellis' fingers scrunched on her face._

" _Shh, baby," she murmured, kissing her soft cheek._

 _Trish's phone buzzed and she took it out of her pocket. "Mr. Harris has arrived," she said to Mr. Parker._

" _Ah. Well, let's wrap this up, shall we? Get a car ready for Dr. Grey and her child. I must go meet Harris and finish our negotiations." And with that, he left._

" _Bye-bye," Ellis said, reaching out with a fist and opening and closing her fingers in a child-like wave._

 _Meredith could only stare at Dr. Stimson. "That's it? You're going to ship us off to another Center? I'm just a tool to you. A means to an end? To what end?"_

 _The taller woman said nothing, merely opening the door and gesturing for her to follow._

 _Meredith shook her head. "No," she said._

" _Meredith…"_

" _Stop calling me Meredith. You're not my friend. I thought… never mind what I thought. This is barbaric. Charlie, he… you didn't give him a chance. Even if he didn't make it, I was so close. I was so close. But you're not even giving me that. You've taken me from my family, my friends, my home and my work, and now you're using my own child against me?"_

 _She said nothing. Outside the door, a man in a dark suit approached. Another guard. She didn't have a choice._

 _xxx_

 _In the car, Meredith tried to focus on Ellis. She couldn't think about Derek, or Zola, or Bailey. She couldn't think about how they probably thought she was dead. And she wouldn't allow herself to think about how much she missed them._

 _She'd been told that Derek had survived the accident, but that was it. Once, they'd shown her a picture of the three of them at the park only a few miles from their house. But it only worried her. Someone was watching them. Someone knew who they were, where they lived. Someone could hurt them._

 _After Ellis was born, they had more leverage to use against her. They'd given her time to bond with her child, so it was easy to make her do what they wanted. All they had to do was take Ellis from her. She tried to comfort herself with the fact that these patients were terminal. Their disease was so advanced that death was inevitable, and anything she could do to delay it was a miracle._

 _It was a thin veil of comfort, and totally false._

 _Meredith wiped her eyes. She'd had this fleeting, fleeting hope when she'd been taken upstairs that she'd be able to go home, but it was a treacherous lie._

 _So she focused on her daughter. Torn now from the busyness of her work, and unable to allow herself to think about all that was taken from her, she stroked her daughter's face and responded to her babbles._

 _It had only been a couple minutes before the driver got a call._

" _Understood," he said flatly._

 _The car turned around._

" _What's happening?" she asked._

 _He didn't respond as he sped back to where they came from._

" _Where…" Meredith started, trying to see through the tinted windows, her heartbeat a hammer on an anvil._

 _Did they change their minds? Were they going to kill her?_

" _I love you, Elle-belle," she said to her daughter._

 _The car stopped, the driver got out. Meredith reached for the door handles, but she was locked inside. She rubbed her arms, scared shitless._

 _Someone else climbed in and closed the driver side door. "Dr. Grey."_

 _She recognized the voice, and it was unexpected._

 _Arthur._

" _What do want with me?" she asked, her hand clutching her wiggling daughter in her car seat._

 _She didn't know how much more she could give._

" _Nothing." He replied simply, looking up at her through the rearview mirror._

" _Are you here to kill me?"_

" _No," he said. He sighed. There was a weariness about him. An exhaustion. "You saved Jarod's life." He said._

 _Oh, yeah, that. "He's just a kid. And my only friend here. I wasn't going to let his appendix kill him."_

" _Indeed."_

" _He's okay?" she hadn't seen him in a couple weeks since she operated on him._

" _The boy is fine."_

" _Good." She rubbed Ellis' knee as the girl played with her dress, lifting it up to look at her belly-button._

" _I used to believe in this place, in the Center. I used to believe that what we were doing was for the good of everyone, despite our methods," Arthur spoke quietly. "But, in the last decade… it's become corrupt. Money changers. Schemers, business dealings. They care more for profit than progress."_

" _What does that have to do with me?"_

" _You're not the only one trapped here, you know. I am as well… but I'm in too deep. I know far too much."_

" _Bah!" Ellis exclaimed suddenly._

" _Yes, exactly." Arthur murmured._

" _So what do we do?"_

" _We do nothing. But you…" Arthur turned in his seat. "You've been released."_

" _What?" she gasped._

" _I have an envelope with some cash, a bus ticket, and instructions."_

" _I'm being released?" disbelief clouded her voice._

" _Not exactly. There are conditions. I made a deal with the higher-ups, in order to keep you silent, they need something from you."_

 _She didn't have anything to give them. "But I-," she started until she saw Arthur's gaze rest on Ellis as she played with her toes. "No," she shook her head. She couldn't imagine. Couldn't even fathom leaving her._

" _I do have an ace up my sleeve."_

" _Yeah? What's that?"_

" _Jarod."_

" _Jarod?"_

" _He's going to escape. And when he does, he can help you get her back."_

 _Meredith shook her head. This was an impossible choice. Ellis for Derek, Zola and Bailey?_

" _Listen," Arthur said slowly, "They told you they were taking you to another facility, right?"_

 _Meredith nodded._

" _There is no other facility. And your research, Dr. Grey, is the catalyst for something much bigger, much more sinister."_

 _She looked at Ellis. "I-I can't." At least Derek was safe. Zola was safe. Bailey was safe. Maybe they thought she was dead, but they were safe._

 _She couldn't leave Ellis. Not with them._

" _Listen, I have formally released you. If you take Ellis with you, they will go after your husband and your other two children, and I won't be able to stop them. But if they have Ellis, they'll care for her."_

" _What if I just stay? I'll just stay here. You don't have to release me. Put me back in. Take me back… then no one will be hurt. Right? Please?"_

" _I'm sorry Meredith, it's not going to work that way."_

 _She'd discussed, argued, cried… and somehow found herself standing outside the black car, staring through the open window at the backseat, where Ellis struggled against her safety harness. "Mama!" she called, stretching her arm toward her._

" _Ellis!" but the window was rolling up._

 _Suddenly, Meredith changed her mind. "No!" she cried out. "No!" Lunging for the door, she tried to pull it open, but it was locked and the car was moving. "Ellis! Ellis!" She ran beside the car, pounding on the window, on the door, "Stop! Wait!"_

 _But Arthur accelerated, and the car moved rapidly out of her reach, kicking up dust on the gravel road and leaving her behind._

" _No!" Meredith cried out before she ran out of breath._

 _Clutching the envelope that was supposed to be her freedom, but felt more like a guillotine, Meredith broke down._

 _xxx_

"Meredith? What is it?" Derek's hands cupped her cheeks, his right thumb stroked her ear, and she felt his love and concern through that gentle touch. But she was still terrified.

 _You can tell me anything,_ he'd told her.

"I can tell you anything, right?" she asked, wrapping her hands around his wrists. She'd just kissed him, power-sucked his face with every bit of feeling she could muster. It was manipulative, maybe even petty, but she needed to remind him…

 _No running._

 _Love each other. Even when we hate each other._

He swallowed and licked his swollen lips, his expression breaking with soft sympathetic lines. "Of course."

"You can't freak out, okay?"

"Freak out?"

"It's okay to be mad. I'd be mad… and it's okay to hate me after I tell you this… but you can't freak out."

"Meredith…" he pleaded. His hands fell to her shoulders, and then to her upper arms as he stroked up and down.

"Derek…" she pleaded too. He sighed and nodded.

"Okay…" she pulled her arms around herself and stepped back a little. "First, I need to tell you that Maggie is watching Zola and Bailey at daycare."

"Okay…" he said slowly, "But-,"

She held up a hand, stopping him. "I took them out of school. Or Maggie did, I guess."

"Mere-,"

"Also, on the way here, I stopped at a 7-11 and bought one of those cheap phones. I'll text you my number," she fought the feeling of her throat constricting. After she told him this, there really was no going back. Everything would be different. But Minnick was on the hunt now, there would be no stopping her. She had a staff badge to the hospital. She could get into anything, anywhere, at any moment. Hell, she was probably on her way here.

They weren't safe anymore.

She just wanted them to be safe. All five of them.

"After I tell you, we have to go," she said. "We can't go home, and we can't go to the police. I know a place we can go, but it'll be a fair distance from here." With her new phone, she'd managed to make some arrangements. Hopefully, it would keep Ellis safe. Jarod and Ellis just had to make it to the rendezvous point. If they could all just make it there, they could figure out what to do next.

"Meredith, what are you talking about?"

She took out the rumpled the picture of her daughter covered in Jello and thrust it into his hands. "We _do_ have another child, I was… when they took me, I was p-pregnant."

"What?" Derek looked down at the photo. "You were pregnant?"

Meredith sniffed, and nodded, wiping her eyes. When the blurriness cleared, she saw her husband's broken, confused expression as he stared at the picture. "Where is she?" His lips pressed together in a frown as he tried to contain himself. "Meredith?"

"She's safe," she said. For now.

"But where? How could you leave her?"

Meredith shook her head. It was an impossible decision. _So now I'm a bad mother._ Her chest tightened in grief as she recalled Ellis's heartbreaking shrieks for her mother. "She's safe, Derek, and you'll get to meet her soon," she reached for him, but he pulled away.

He turned from the door and paced.

"Derek?"

"No," he said, frowning as if he was trying to convince himself of something. "We're not leaving, we're not running. We're going to go to the police, and we're going to tell them everything."

No. Meredith felt the flood of panic in her body. "Please Derek, I don't think they can help us-,"

"This has to stop, Meredith. The fear, the paranoia. You think I haven't noticed? We need to go to the police and tell them about our missing child. You need to tell them everything from the top. God, I should've done this earlier…"

"Derek," she pleaded again, hating how weak she sounded in light of this.

He ran a hand through his thick hair and circled back to face her. He gripped her shoulders and kissed her forehead softly. "You told me you wanted me to do the right thing at the right time. This is it. Me doing the right thing. Trust me." He kissed her again, lightly on the lips.

Trust him.

She wanted to. Terribly. Why couldn't she?

 **A/N:** Thanks! Please Review!


	16. You Need Reasons

**A/N: Thanks so much everyone!**

"Meredith…" Derek clutched the doorframe of the supply closet he'd been dragged into, subconsciously blocking his wife. "This is our daughter we're talking about here. You have to trust me," he urged. Meredith paced, her arms wrapped around tightly herself. Everything about her was closed in, closed off. He sighed and released his grip on the frame, forcing himself to relax. "Mere…" He didn't know what to do, how to feel. He had a daughter out there, and all he wanted to do was reach out and take her from wherever she was and hold her.

"I trust you," Meredith choked out finally through red-rimmed eyes. "I don't trust the police. I don't… I can hardly trust _anyone_ anymore," she huffed, still pacing, "God, I HATE THIS!" Her arm flew out, knocking tubs of supplies off the shelf. Plastic wrapped gauze and packages of disposable syringes clattered to the floor.

"Whoa-," Derek stepped forward, but not before she swung her arm the other way, knocking over more supplies.

Meredith continued to rage, grabbing surgical trays from another shelf and slamming them on the ground. "Meredith!" Derek grabbed her from behind and pulled her away from the shelves, wrapping powerful arms around her slight body. It was like trying to wrangle a tornado. She pushed and pulled and squirmed within his embrace, and he had to use every bit of his strength to subdue her until she was a gasping sobbing mess against him. Grunting, he used his weight to bring her with him to the floor. The picture lay crumpled there beside him. With Meredith still in his lap, he picked it up. He'd barely looked at it before.

He had a daughter.

Derek frowned, his trembling fingers shaking the picture as he stared at the toddler. She looked okay. Healthy. Happily covered in Jello's gooey mess. Her features were like Bailey's looked like Bailey, except her eyes, she had his eyes… "How-?" He started to ask, wondering how far along Meredith was when she'd been taken.

"The fight we had in DC," Meredith sniffed.

Derek blinked, trying to remember. "The big bang?"

His wife hiccupped. "Yeah, that," she sighed, tracing a finger over their daughter's face. "Her name is Ellis."

"Ellis…" Derek hummed, feeling her name on his lips. "After your mother?" He asked curious. It was unexpected, but… maybe not surprising.

"I was alone… I was scared. I needed to be strong, I needed to be _her_ , for a little while."

xxx

 _Two Years Ago:_

 _She woke up in an unfamiliar bed, in an unfamiliar room. Jarod was gone. Darkness covered her vision except the soft glow of light from the window in the door. Meredith rolled onto her back and rubbed her eyes. She thought she'd dreamed it all._

 _But she hadn't. She was still here, in this box of a room, this closed off space. Underground, she thought. Thousands of miles away from Derek. From her kids. From her life. Sudden loneliness gripped her, and she cried again. She just wanted to wake up. Wake up! She silently screamed to herself. Nothing happened, nothing changed. Slowly, the lighting in the room changed. The room became brighter. When Meredith came back to herself, it was fully lit._

 _The urge to pee forced her to stand up. Sudden dizziness struck her, and she steadied herself before taking a couple steps. The bathroom was a separate room with a sink, shower, and toilet. Everything was white and stainless steel. Blank and impersonal. She sat on the toilet for a long time in a sort of daze. This wasn't real. It wasn't happening. After flushing, she started to wash her hands when she noticed the blood, circling the drain in faint pink ribbons. God, she was still covered in that dead woman's blood. Supressing gag reflex, Meredith scrubbed harder now, inspecting every wrinkle and crevice of her fingertips and nails. She washed her face and forearms and was considering even taking a shower when she realized she didn't have any clean clothes to change into._

 _So now what?_

 _The urge to cry struck her again, but she stifled it. She was sick of crying, it made her feel vulnerable and weak. Instead, she sat on the floor. They couldn't keep her here forever._

 _It wasn't long before there was a knock on the door and a woman entered carrying a bundle. She was slim, with short blonde hair. She looked to be a little older than Meredith, a few more weary wrinkles, and her shoulders a little more rounded, yet she carried herself with a certain business-like demeanor._

 _Meredith just sighed when she saw her. What now?_

" _Hello," she said warmly. "I'm Donna. I brought you a change of clothes."_

 _Meredith stayed silent._

 _To be honest… reality was catching up with her, and she didn't want to do anything. She didn't want to help these people with world domination or whatever, she didn't want to move, she didn't want to breathe._

 _Donna accepted her silence gracefully. "Well, this has been a lot for you, I understand. I'll put this here for you, alright?" she set the clothes down on the desk. "There's a kitchen area down the hall, I've got some breakfast keeping warm in the oven, you're welcome to it whenever you like." Donna stepped back to the door, and it clanged heavily behind her._

 _Everything felt so heavy. Cold and alone once more, Meredith rubbed her arms. Her stomach rumbled, reminding her of the other reason for her hunger. Baby. Dammit._

 _Eventually Meredith emerged from her room showered and changed, glad at least for the sweater she'd been given. On one end of the hall was the elevator they'd dragged her from, and on the other end was the kitchen. She couldn't see anyone in it, but there was another door between her room and the kitchen. It was open, and someone seemed to be having a one-sided conversation inside._

 _Meredith peered in. Donna was pacing, talking to… herself? No, she was wearing a headset. "Listen, I need all of Lancaster's results from Spain, do you understand?" she asked. "Well, we are supremely interested in this therapy's success with CF patients…" She sighed and rested a hand on her forehead, "Of course, you're right. How much?" Her head shot up and she stared at nothing. "No," she shook her head, "That's unacceptable." Donna waved her hand and shook her head. "How about this… we supply you with some of your needs… we have influence with some big pharm, we can cut you a deal. Get back to me tomorrow with a list. In the meantime, I want a copy of that article emailed to me ASAP… Yes… yes," she nodded astutely. "Thank you, Eduardo. Tell Marie I said hello." Donna ended the call, walking around to her desk. She hadn't noticed Meredith's presence at the doorway, and continued her work, tidying up papers on her desk, typing a message into her phone, adjusting a picture frame on a small bookshelf. Meredith squinted to look at it, it was the only personal thing in the office._

" _My kids," Donna said, startling her. She picked up the photo to show her "Teenagers," she sighed. Meredith stared at the happy family. Donna with a man who was probably her husband, and three goofy kids, looking about thirteen or fourteen. Two girls and a boy. Meredith had so many questions. So many thoughts. She wanted to grab Donna's phone, call Derek, she wanted to ask the woman if_ _ **she**_ _got to see_ _ **her**_ _kids, if_ _ **she**_ _got to go home and kiss her husband every night. She wanted to run for the elevator. But, overwhelmed by everything, she froze._

" _You're probably hungry," Donna said warmly, pulling the frame from her hands and placing it back on the shelf. "Come and eat."_

 _Breakfast was simple; eggs, hashbrowns, and some toast Donna popped in for her. Meredith avoided coffee and settled on apple juice, hoping it wasn't too acidic for her stomach._

" _I know this is scary." Donna said. "I know last night was traumatic for you." She swallowed. "Renee was one of my co-workers, I heard you-,"_

" _-She was stabbed in the heart," Meredith blurted. "I held my hands over her chest and tried compressions until she bled out. I washed her blood off my hands this morning." Meredith swallowed. "I watched my husband get crushed by a semi. He might not make it. Maybe he's dead now, too. And my kids… I don't know what's going to happen to them. Zola's only four, and Bailey…" she choked. "And I'm here." Meredith slammed her glass down. "You know how I feel? You think you know?"_

" _I, uh-," Donna recoiled, caught off guard._

" _Yeah, thought so." Meredith sneered, and pushed her half-eaten breakfast away from her. Angry, she stood up abruptly, knocking her chair over as she tried to step away from the table, except the room spun, the world tilted, her head ached, and-_

 _Darkness._

 _xxx_

 _Meredith woke to soft beeping, the buzz and click of monitors, the sound of a pen scribbling on paper. There was a stiffness in her right hand, which she gathered was from an IV. Lolling her head to the side, she saw Donna sitting by her bed, writing on a clipboard. Meredith blinked, remembering her angry tirade before gravity and dizziness took her down. "Crap," she mumbled, "I fainted?"_

 _Donna stood up and approached the bed. "Yes. Low blood pressure and dehydration I'm assuming, though we're running a blood sample right now."_

 _Meredith sighed, "Well that was anticlimactic. How long was I out?"_

" _Mm, about ten minutes," said Donna. "How are you feeling?"_

 _Meredith stared at the ceiling. Her fingers fidgeted with the blanket covering her. "I don't know," Physically, she felt alright, but she was lying down and hooked up to an IV. "Tired, I guess," she lied. Honestly? She was absolutely terrified. Angry beyond belief. Overwhelmed. Worried. And just plain exhausted. She didn't mean to snap, she just- "Sorry for snapping at you," she whispered to Donna._

" _It's all right," the other woman said softly. She pulled up a stool beside the bed and brought a machine over. An ultrasound._

" _Oh," Meredith said when she realized what was about to happen._

 _Donna nodded. "How far along are you? I was thinking transvaginal might be the best."_

 _She was only about six weeks, maybe seven, it'd be hard to see anything on a regular ultrasound until 8-10 weeks. "Okay," she managed. Donna draped her while she removed her pants and underwear._

 _Like a pro, the older woman maneuvered the stool while Meredith lifted her legs onto the stirrups. And, like a pro, Donna manipulated the probe expertly while tapping the controls. Meredith didn't want to look. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. Derek should be here, she was supposed to tell him. She was supposed to see the excitement on his face. They were supposed to figure things out. Staring at the dull ceiling, she swallowed and tried to remain calm despite the discomfort between her legs._

" _Mm-hmm," Donna hummed. "There it is…" She turned the screen. Meredith slowly allowed herself to look. There it was. In the middle of various shaded ovals was a small oblong shape. It looked almost like the number eight, two little blobs joined together, the embryo still attached to the gestational sac._

 _She'd never seen one so small before, even in residency. "It's so small…" she whispered._

" _The size of a pea," Donna replied._

" _Really?"_

" _Yes." Meredith saw the pointer circle her little 'pea' on the screen. "Now, look here…"_

" _What?" Meredith stared, squinted. What was she supposed to see?_

" _Watch."_

 _Meredith watched, not knowing what she was looking for. "Wha-oh…" Something inside her tiny pea was moving. Fluttering, really. A continuous steady rhythm. "It's heart?" she asked, wide-eyed and amazed._

" _Yes," Donna patted her knee._

 _A sob caught in her throat. She swallowed and scrunched the paper drape with her fingers as she watched the beginning of life inside her. "It's okay, right? My baby? It's okay?" Because she had baby squishing fibroids once before. Because the last time she'd seen Derek die or almost die, she put her body under so much stress her body decided baby-making wasn't a good idea._

" _It's fine… it's perfect." Donna smiled reassuringly._

" _You're sure?" she asked._

" _I am sure, I am the mother of triplets, after all."_

" _Triplets?" Meredith asked, tearing her gaze from the screen to glance at the older woman._

" _Yes," Donna said, but her sudden enthusiasm waned as a shadow of sadness crept into the lines of her eyes._

 _What was wrong? "Donna?"_

" _You know, I am going to print this for you, all right? You're going to need something to hold on to."_

" _Donna?"_

 _Donna removed the transducer and wiped it clean, cleaning her up underneath as well. She set it back on the machine and carefully removed the paper drape, giving Meredith time to cover herself. She pulled the picture from the printer and handed it to her._

" _Donna!" Meredith clutched Donna's hand, "What happened?"_

" _Listen," Donna said, "Be thankful you haven't lost anyone yet. Losing someone you love changes you… being here_ _ **will**_ _also change you. Don't let it destroy you. Sometimes…" she sighed, "sometimes, you have to be someone else."_

" _What do you mean?" Meredith asked._

" _You need to take care of that baby. And yourself. And you need to be strong. Stronger than you've ever been. Because your life doesn't matter to them here. Neither do ethics or morals or the oath we took as doctors. All that matters is results. The Donna you saw in that picture isn't the Donna that's here now. She can't be. I've put her away." Donna straightened, sighed, and turned to the door. "Rest now Meredith, gather your strength. We start tomorrow."_

 _Stunned, Meredith leaned back against the pillow. She traced the outline of her little pea with a fingernail. Be strong. Meredith was strong. She'd survived every threat thrown her way. Drowning. A bomb, a gunman. Surgery in the dark. She_ _ **was**_ _strong._

 _Right?_

 _But as she stared at the picture of the little blob of life inside her, she realized something. She never had to be strong_ _ **alone**_ _before._

xxx

With Meredith in his arms, time seemed to stop. Her hand in his, he stroked her thumb while he stared at the destroyed supply closet. He had a daughter. Her name was Ellis… she was…he did the math in his head… fourteen, fifteen months. He stared at the picture again, imagining what her giggle sounded like, what her face looked like when she was upset. Was she picky with her food like Bailey was? Or did she eat almost anything like Zola?

"Derek?"

Did he trust _her_? That was the question. They'd been on an emotional roller coaster lately. A lot of fried nerves between them. A lot of unaddressed tension. Part of it was his fault, he admitted. He'd let her evasiveness win. Let her keep her secrets. He let fear win.

So- did he trust that Meredith had this under control, like she said? That Ellis was safe? He thought he knew the answer, but he had to be sure. He rested his chin against his wife's soft hair, catching a trace of her scent. Her hand squeezed around his, bringing him back to now.

"Derek," she said.

He shook his head and exhaled, still trying to wrap his head around this bombshell. "I-," his mouth flopped but his brain and voicebox failed to work.

"Derek," Meredith continued, "You think I'm nuts, I know. _I_ think I'm nuts. I've just… I've lived this whole other life for two years. I had to become this…" she swallowed. "I had to change, and not really in a good way." She stroked his forearm. "And you too. If I was in an accident, if I thought you were dead… Derek…" she trailed off. "Let's just say that seeing you standing in front of me that first night was… it was a miracle to me, okay? But it wasn't easy for you, I know that."

"I… it's…" Derek started again, but she shushed him.

"That day, on the ferry, I punched someone."

"Mer-," Her fingers landed on his lips, silencing him again.

"Listen to me. You need reasons, I get that. So listen."

Derek nodded and stared down at his wife's hand in his. He did need reasons. He hated it, that he couldn't just blindly trust her in this moment, in this instance, about the well-being of his newfound daughter. So he waited.

"Someone's been watching me," Meredith opened his hand up and traced his palm. "Her name is Minnick. She found me in the bathroom on the ferry and threatened me using Ellis, so I punched her."

"What?" He sat up. "How did she-,"

"-I saw her today, at the school," Meredith continued. "Posing as an administrator."

"An administrator?"

"Yes, she was _in_ the classroom, talking to Zola. Our daughter even drew a picture for her."

"Minnick works for 'Them?'" he asked, putting 'them' in air quotes.

"She's like, an enforcer or something." Meredith sighed. "Derek, she's looking for Ellis, and if she doesn't get her, she'll take Zola or Bailey, or both. That's why I brought them here."

Derek slowly pondered this, trying to put it together. "So… you think she might pose as a police officer?" he hypothesised.

"I think she's got her fingers in the SPD somehow," she huffed, "I don't know!" Her fist pounded the floor. "I just know that I can't trust people I've never met. Even if they wear a uniform. Someone could make up a badge or something…"

Derek nodded, starting to understand her reasons. He still didn't know _why_ it was so important to keep Meredith quiet by threatening their children, but he didn't think she knew either.

"When I woke up this morning and you weren't there, for a second, I thought she took you and the kids. I'm scared _all_ the time," she rasped. "I wanted to tell you about Ellis every night, but what could I say? I didn't know where she was. I had to trust somebody else to save her, because I…" she sniffed, wiped her face. "I _left_ her."

"So, where is she?" he asked gently, trying not to sound accusing. It sounded like she had to make an impossible choice. How can you choose between your children? How can you choose life or death? "You said she was safe?"

"I don't know exactly, but I know where she will be."

"Where?"

"Montana."

"Montana?" This time he couldn't stop the incredulousness from his voice. "Montana?" He repeated. As in the state. The one barely populated. With mountains and rivers and wildlife… that Montana?

"I… That's where I decided we'd meet her. Not here, with Minnick around every corner. I can…" she pulled out her phone, pressing a couple buttons. "Look…" she handed it to him. Baby Ellis sat on what looked like a bus seat, waving to the camera. "He just sent this to me."

He cupped the phone, staring at the picture, stroking it.

He had a daughter.

"You're sure she's safe?"

She shook her head, "No," she croaked. "I can't be sure of anything, that's why I want to go and get her right now."

"Montana," Derek repeated. "Why Montana?"

"You'll know when we get there. Derek, I've had time to think about this. I have help. Our daughter is not alone. We just have to get there." _Do you trust me?_ She implied with her tone. Meredith drew her knees up to her chest and tucked her head inside, resigned to his decision.

He took a breath, held it in. Waited till he felt his diaphragm spasm and his lungs flail. Watching her, his heart broke. When did he start to doubt her? She'd stood in front of a bullet for him. She loved him _that_ much. She loved her children _that_ much. "Okay," the breath exploded out of him, "No police." He rubbed his forehead, thinking. "I'll have to talk to Miranda… make some arrangements, and then… we'll go."

Her head shot up, "Really?"

"Yes!" He smiled, leaned over and kissed her, "Really."

He had a daughter. He was going to her.

xxx

 _Somewhere on the interstate._

The Greyhound bus rocketed along at eighty miles an hour. Jarod tucked a blanket around Ellis as she stared at him sleepy-eyed. It'd been quite the day to get here. "Shh," he whispered. "Sleep," she wiggled and snuffled, fighting the urge to close her eyes. He sat back in his seat, checking his phone. Meredith had sent him the address, and he wanted to memorise it.

 _Dr. Izzie Stevens,_ it read, 14013 Missoula County, MT. 59884.

He sighed, only twenty-four hours to go.

 **A/N:** Thank you again everyone, for reading. Hope you liked! If you have an account, and review, I will send you a sneak preview of my next update before it's published! Reviews are much appreciated!


	17. More like the edge of a Cliff

**A/N:** It's been awhile, but I'm not giving up folks! I've been working on AFTR, trying to wrap that up, but I have a little time right now to give you this… Thanks to Mckennaa, Patsy, Fanfic Addict, mandyg67, thesparklepager, jalinsod, and Prerna646, and everyone else who faved and followed!

 **Enjoy!**

 _Two years ago:_

 _He wasn't allowed in the doctor's residence section, but Jarod went anyway. No one really cared except Arthur, who was away. Jarod had gone to Meredith's room earlier but found it empty. Now he wandered the common areas. In the kitchen, he saw Donna refilling a cup of coffee. "Jarod. What are you doing here?"_

 _He ignored her. She had no real authority over him, so he continued past her office to peer into the room across._

 _There was Meredith curled up asleep in the bed, her face pale and drawn. Was there something wrong with her? Was she sick? He didn't know what to do. An IV poked out of the back of her hand, and he traced the lead to the bag. Normal saline. Quietly, he pulled a stool up to her bedside, determined to be there when she woke up._

 _Jarod watched over her, his mind wandering. What drew him to her? There'd been others brought here against their will before, but he never formed an attachment to them. He'd learned to stay away, their plight not his concern._

 _But Meredith was different somehow. He wondered if it was the long dirty blonde hair. His mother had the same hair color… At least that's what he remembered. He hadn't been with her very long, but he remembered her laugh, her smile… Her cry._

 _He clasped his hands under his chin and waited._

 _About twenty minutes later, she jerked. A sob escaped her lips. "Derek," Meredith pleaded. "No!" she tossed in her sleep and cried out as if in pain._

 _Jarod shook her shoulder to wake her, "Meredith!"_

 _She gasped and blinked, taking in her surroundings. "Derek?"_

" _It's just me. Jarod," he said._

" _Oh." Meredith wiped her eyes and rolled onto her back, disappointment and sadness evident in her frown and blank stare._

 _Jarod swallowed, affected by her pain and his inability to make it better. But he remained at her bedside, picking at the fuzz on the corner of her blanket._

" _Do you think…" Meredith said after a while. "Will I… am I ever gonna get out of here?"_

" _I don't know," he said. He'd heard of rumors, whispers of someone who had escaped years and years ago…_

 _But…_

 _Meredith nodded blankly and stared up at the ceiling, saying nothing, revealing nothing._

" _Are you okay?" he asked._

 _Finally, she spoke, "I… um, I'm okay, I guess. I guess I have to be, Jarod," her hand fell to her abdomen and she rubbed it. "I'm pregnant."_

" _Oh," Jarod replied. His concern for her was surprising even to himself. At first, she was just a curiosity to him, someone new with new experiences to share… but he was becoming aware of a deeper feeling. Not just concern or worry… but protectiveness._

 _He tried to comprehend, to imagine how she felt. Tried to picture Meredith's purpose, her future here. He wondered what his own mother thought and felt when she realized she was pregnant. And when he was taken from her. His thoughts must have played across his face, because Meredith reached for him. "Don't worry about me," she touched his arm. "I'll be fine. I'm okay."_

 _Jarod knew, despite her words, she was terrified. He took her hand, "It's okay, I'm here. I'll help you."_

xxx

 **Now:**

The bright noon sun flared against the tinted windows of the chugging Greyhound. As it droned to second gear and slowed down for the highway exit, Jarod squinted, barely catching the sign that read: Downtown Missoula, 2 mi. Swaying with the bus, he looked out the window. It seemed like a nice city, a mix of old west country and modernized buildings and features.

The loudspeaker cackled and squeaked as the driver rattled his standard sign off, and there was the shuffle and sigh of people standing to stretch and gather their things. He wearily wiped his eyes, shifting the sleeping Ellis in his arms. Ellis stirred and murmured against his shoulder, and he hoped she would sleep just a bit longer. She'd been up most of the night. Not crying… just awake and curious even in the dark. Finally, they rolled into the station. Jarod clutched his small duffel and waited.

Would he be safe now? Nothing was for certain. But he was curious about this Izzie Stevens. Meredith had told him stories about bright and shiny, about muffins and lying on the bathroom floor. She was super nice, she said. Izzie really cared about everybody. So he was eager to meet her, he would be relieved to have someone with him for a little while. Someone who knew about babies in particular. And maybe he could try a muffin. He'd never had one before.

Most of all, he was anxious for Meredith. He hoped she was okay. The last to exit the bus, he surveyed the dispersing crowd of people for a tall blonde woman.

"Mamamama!" Ellis babbled. He put her down and held her hand while he checked his phone for messages. There weren't any. Anxiety made his heart pound just a little faster. He looked one way, then the next. Ellis tried to wiggle her hand out of his but he couldn't let her go now. Where was Izzie? He might have to resort to plan B, which was catching a cab, but Meredith said Izzie would be here. "Jod-dah-dah-da dod!" Ellis bellered.

"I know, shhh," He blew out a breath and picked her up again. The hair on the back of his neck prickled. What to do…

His watch said 12:18. If Izzie wasn't here in five minutes, he decided he would go on his own. He headed for a corner to wait.

"Jarod," the low familiar voice chilled him to a stop. He felt something hard poke him in the back. Minnick and her gun, undoubtedly.

"No," he growled. He was so close. So… so close.

"Did you really think you could get away from us?"

"Take me. Let her go. She's just a baby."

"You know better."

"Why her?" Since the beginning of this adventure, he'd wondered about that. While he was well aware of the price on his own head, it didn't make sense that they wanted to keep Ellis. If it was just to keep Meredith quiet, they very well could have silenced her long ago. What was really going on?

"That's for me to know… and you to never find out." Minnick poked him again with her gun, indicating he move to the black SUV across the street.

Jarod moved but stalled, shifting Ellis in his arms as he crossed the street. If he got in the car, he was screwed.

"Hurry up!" Minnick pushed him again. A car was approaching on his right. A beat-up station wagon that looked like it had seen better days. It wasn't slowing down enough to stop. It was coming right at them. Wait… the driver had blonde hair piled in a bun at the top of her head. Jarod hustled his step, Minnick's gun still pressed into his back. Had she noticed the car?

He took the risk and leaped.

There was a thunk and a crack! Minnick's voice crying in pain, and the screech of brakes. Ellis wailed beneath him.

"GET IN!" a voice roared over the din of the engine.

He scrambled up with Ellis. Through the passenger window of the station wagon was a beautiful blonde woman. It had to be Izzie.

"Get in the car!" she yelled again. Jarod yanked open the door and jumped in. In front of them, Minnick struggled to stand up. "Sonuva…" he heard her mutter.

"Oh my God, I can't believe I just hit someone!" Izzie exclaimed with wide eyes.

"She's got a gun!" Jarod shouted.

"Crap," Izzie slammed the gear in reverse, gunning the car back, "Get down."

He ducked his head, shielding Ellis. Pops, shattering glass, and the echo of the ricochet filled his eardrums while he pressed Ellis's wet face against his chest.

Finally, it was silent except for the roar of the engine and Ellis' whimpers.

"Are you okay?" Izzie asked.

"Yeah…" he swallowed a sob. He'd been shot at, almost killed. For a baby. "Yeah." He straightened up in his seat to look at the road ahead. Soon. Soon they would all be together, and they could put this behind them.

Izzie glanced into the rearview mirror. "I'm still being followed. Hang on," the car teetered right and tottered left, buzzing along as she tried to lose the black SUV.

When Izzie relaxed a little, Jarod gathered they were safe for the moment.

"Is Meredith okay?" he asked.

He wasn't comforted by Izzie's worried glance.

"No," she said softly. "She's not."

xxx

 **20 Hours Ago:**

Derek drove along I-90 with mixed emotions lacing his heart. In the backseat were the two most important beings in the world and snoring softly beside him was the love of his life. He checked the rearview mirror for what felt like the thousandth time, but there was no one following. He was afraid of being followed, being trapped. He was afraid for his children and his wife.

But a sliver of hope and happiness also dwelled there. He had another _daughter._ And judging by the picture he saw, she seemed to be happy and healthy, about all he could expect

"Are we there yet?" Bailey asked, looking up from his Ipad.

"A few more hours, Bails."

"A few _more_ hours?"

"Mm-hmm, yes." They were about four hours into the eight hour drive to Missoula from Seattle. A half-hour from Spokane. But he had no intentions of stopping in the city. The sooner they got there, the sooner they could make plans with Izzie to collect Ellis and Jarod.

"This is takin forever!" his son exclaimed.

"Well, that's what road trips are about."

Upon seeing signs for a gas station and rest stops ahead, he patted Meredith's thigh, but she didn't stir. It was alright. Soon he'd have his daughter in his arms and they could finally settle this. Ahead, he took the exit for a gas station, the tank was almost empty.

"Mere," he squeezed her hand. "Mere."

"Huh?" she gasped, and sat up, rubbing her eyes.

"Stopping for gas."

"Oh good, I have to pee."

Derek nodded. He needed coffee too. "Hey, we're gonna stop here for a bit, get some gas and snacks and go to the bathroom.

"Yes!" Zola exclaimed. "Daddy, can I buy gummy worms?" Zola asked.

"Sure," he smiled. "but just a few, and you have to share with Bailey."

He pulled into shell station, and everyone piled out quickly to avoid getting wet. Meredith went with the kids to the bathroom, while he grabbed some snacks, drinks and coffee for the road.

As he waited to pay, he watched the comings and goings of the customers. He supposed Meredith's paranoia was rubbing off on him. A woman with an infant trolled the dairy section, a young hipster couple conversed over the selection of chips, and a delivery truck driver popped in with a dolly of coke products.

He breathed a sigh of relief. No men in suits. No women with guns. So far, so good.

After they filled up, and everyone was settled, he took a sip of his black coffee. "Ready guys?"

"Yeah!" came the chorus behind.

Meredith laughed. It was a delightful sound. He squeezed her hand and she stroked his index finger with her thumb. Since that moment in the supply closet, their connection to each other was strengthened by their need to bring Ellis home.

He put the car in drive and set off once more down the highway, thoughts of his newly discovered daughter on his mind.

xxx

Derek set his coffee cup down and checked the time. They were about two hours away now Zola and Bailey had long since fallen asleep, but Meredith was awake.

They hadn't spoken much during the trip, too lost and overwhelmed by their own thoughts, he supposed. But now… They were so close. So, so close. "Mere?" Derek cleared his throat.

"Yeah?" She turned her head.

"Tell me something about her." He wanted to feel a connection to her, like he did with Zola, when he first picked her up and again with Bailey when he held him for the first time. He wanted to know about her.

Meredith paused, thinking, while Derek focused on the road, changing lanes to pass the truck ahead of them.

"Um…" Meredith hummed a little. "Wanna guess what her first word was?"

"Mama?" Derek asked. "Dada?"

His wife shook her head with a sly smile, "I swear you'll never get it."

This made him smile. His daughter was original. "Baby?" he asked again. "That was Nancy's first word…"

"Nope," Meredith seemed to be enjoying this new game.

"Ball? Bear?"

"Okay, now you're just guessing."

"I… yeah," he admitted, "I give up."

"You're gonna be proud! Ellis' first word was… brain."

"What? Really?" He chuckled, trying to imagine Ellis saying 'Brain'. He hoped to hear her voice.

Meredith laughed too. "I know, right? Completely threw me. She's amazing."

Derek shook his head, turning back to the road. He'd long passed the truck, but it was still bearing down fast, the headlights reflecting in his rearview mirror.

He sped up a little to give more room.

 _Crunch!_ The front end of the truck rear-ended them.

"What the-?" his car bounced. Derek tried to regain control.

"Dere-," Meredith swayed and clutched the handrail

Was it 'Them'? "I don't know! I don't kno-," He looked back into the mirror. But the truck was gone. The truck now barreled along beside him. What? The coke delivery truck from the gas station? As Derek tried to put two and two together, the truck swung toward his Cayanne, hitting it square on the side.

The car spun. Flashes of light pierced his eyes, and then they dropped. He heard the windshield crack, the glass shatter. He thought he heard a scream. Was it him or Meredith? When the Merry-go-round ride from hell stopped, there was nothing but silence and the soft hiss of the engine.

For a long time, he heard nothing but the ringing in his ears and his shocked gasping for air. His body shook on pure adrenaline. He crushed the deployed airbag on his front and side. He tested his muscles… he was okay. He was gonna be a hell of a bruise, but-

"Derek?" Her shaky, concerned voice pulled him out of his reverie.

"I'm okay," he turned to see Meredith in a similar position, holding her head in her hands. "You?"

She groaned. "I'm okay…"

"Good," he nodded, but wasn't there something else he needed to check on?

"Daaaddy!" Bailey shrieked from his car seat.

"Oh my God!" Meredith exclaimed, "Are you guys alright?"

Derek wrangled his seat belt off and turned to regard his children. Zola seemed more in shock than anything, and Bailey was just crying, but there didn't seem to be a scratch on them. "Thank God…" he muttered. He fumbled with the door latch, but he was stuck. His door was smashed in. "Mere, can you-,"

"Yeah, got it." She opened the door on her side and stepped out slowly, steadying herself. "We fell off the road into some kind of ditch," she said, "Hang on."

Derek looked back through the cracked windshield. Indeed, he couldn't see the road from where he was, they were pitched at an angle, the front of the car pointed up and to the road.

Meredith opened Bailey's door. "Momm!" he cried.

"It's okay," she said. "Derek, scratch ditch, more like the edge of a cliff. We've got to get the kids out."

"Yeah. Okay." He pushed over to Meredith's side. Edge of cliff was right. Barely two feet from the side of the car the ground dropped into dense forest about fifteen feet down. "You get Bailey, I'll help Zola."

Meredith had already unbuckled Bailey and was helping him out of his seat. Derek took her place a second later, taking his shocked daughter out. They met behind the car.

"What was that?" Meredith asked, leaning against the car desperately, bailey resting against her.

"I don't know," he replied. "I… do you think-," Could it be Minnick? Was she behind this?

She looked at him, frightened. "I hope to hell not. What do we do?"

He fumbled for his phone. "I'm calling the police." He didn't care anymore, they needed help. This was getting beyond his ability to endure.

She clutched Bailey and nodded. "Okay," she acquiesced.

He pulled out his blackberry and thumbed in the passcode. But before he could dial anything, the phone was knocked out of his hand, and the nozzle of a gun appeared at the side of his head.

"Whoah," Derek put up his hands and pressed against the back of his car. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught a glimpse of pure white hair and a flash of blue eyes.

"Pick her up," he gestured to Zola with his gun, "You're coming with me." His icey gaze flicked to Meredith, "You and the boy too."

Derek reached for Zola, but she escaped his grasp. Lunging at the man, she kicked him in the shin.

"AAGH!" he screamed, lowering the gun.

Derek saw a blur, heard a shot, and then the ground slid out from under him. "Zo!" he called out, grabbing her tiny hand. He caught her with ease as he slowed down the embankment. But below him, tumbling down the cliff, was his wife, tangled with the gunman. Derek's heart leaped out of his chest. "Meredith!"

 **A/N:** Dun Dun dunnnn!

 **Please Review!**


End file.
